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It’s all in the timing
It is often fun and sometimes exhausting watching the speed with which children run around or switch from one game to another. A lot of us were attracted to pediatrics to share the quick joy of children and also the speed of their physical recovery. We get to see premature infants gain an ounce a day, and see wounds heal in less than a week. We give advice on sleep and see success in a month. We and the families get used to quick fixes.
Parents and children are forewarned and reassured by our knowledge about how long things typically take: Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) peaks in 5 days, colic lessens in 3 months, changing sleep patterns takes 3 weeks, habit formation 6 weeks, menses come 2 years after breast development, and so on. But the timing of daily parenting is rarely as predictable. Sometimes a child’s clock is running fast, making waiting even seconds for a snack or a bathroom difficult; other times are slow, as when walking down the sidewalk noticing every leaf. The child’s clock is independent of the adult’s – and complicated by clocks of siblings.
Parent pace also is determined by many factors unrelated to the child: work demands, deadlines, train schedules, something in the oven, needs of siblings, and so on. To those can be added intrinsic factors affecting parent’s tolerance to shifting pace to the child’s such as temperament, fatigue, illness, pain, or even adult ADHD. And don’t forget caffeine (or other drugs) affecting the internal metronome. When impatience with the child is a complaint, it is useful to ask, “What makes waiting for your child difficult for you?”
When discussing time, I find it important to discuss the poison “s-word” of parenting – “should.” This trickster often comes from time illusions in childrearing. After seeing so many behaviors change quickly, parents expect all change to be equally fast. She should be able to sleep through the night by now! He should be able to dress and get to the table in 5 minutes. And sometimes it is the parent’s s-word that creates pain – I should love pushing for as long as she wants to swing, if I am a good parent. The problem with thinking “should” is that it implies willful or moral behavior, and it may prompt a judgmental or punitive parental response.
Otherwise well intentioned, cooperative children who take longer to shift their attention from homework to shower can be seen as oppositional. Worse yet, if the example used is from playing video games (something fun) to getting to the bus stop (an undesirable shift), you may hear parents critically say, “He only wants to do what he wants to do.” When examining examples (always key to helping with behavior), pointing out that all kinds of transitions are difficult for this child may be educational and allow for a more reasoned response. And specifically being on electronics puts adults as well as children in a time warp which is hard to escape.
There are many kinds of thwarted expectations, but expectations about how long things take are pretty universal. Frustration generates anger and even can lead to violence, such as road rage. Children – who all step to the beat of a different drummer, especially those with different “clocks” such as in ADHD – may experience frustration most of the day. This can manifest as irritability for them and sometimes as an irritable response back from the parent.
The first step in adapting to differences in parent and child pace is to realize that time is the problem. Naming it, saying “we are on toddler time,” can be a “signal to self” to slow down. Generations of children loved Mr. Rogers because he always conveyed having all the time in the world for the person he was with. It actually does not take as long as it feels at first to do this. Listening while keeping eye contact, breathing deeply, and waiting until two breaths after the child goes silent before speaking or moving conveys your interest and respect. For some behaviors, such as tantrums, such quiet attention may be all that is needed to resolve the issue. We adults can practice this, but even infants can be helped to develop patience by reinforcement with brief attention from their caregivers for tiny increments of waiting.
I sometimes suggest that parents time behaviors to develop perspective, reset expectations, practice waiting, and perhaps even distract themselves from intervening and making things worse by lending attention to negative behaviors. Timing as observation can be helpful for tantrums, breath holding spells, whining, and sibling squabbles; maximum times for baths and video games; minimum times for meals, sitting to poop, and special time. Timers are not just for Time Out! “Visual timers” that show green then yellow then red and sometimes flashing lights as warnings of an upcoming stopping point are helpful for children preschool and older. These timers help them to develop a better sense of time and begin managing their own transitions. A game of guessing how long things take can build timing skills and patience. I think every child past preschool benefits from a wristwatch, first to build time sense, and second to avoid looking at a smartphone to see the hour, then being distracted by content! Diaries of behaviors over time are a staple of behavior change plans, with the added benefit of lending perspective on actually how often and how long a troublesome behavior occurs. Practicing mindfulness – nonjudgmental watching of our thoughts and feelings, often with deep breathing and relaxation – also can help both children and adults build time tolerance.
Children have little control over their daily schedule. Surrendering when you can for them to do things at their own pace can reduce their frustration, build the parent-child relationship, and promote positive behaviors. Plus family life is more enjoyable lived slower. You even can remind parents that “the days are long but the years are short” before their children will be grown and gone.
Dr. Howard is an assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
It is often fun and sometimes exhausting watching the speed with which children run around or switch from one game to another. A lot of us were attracted to pediatrics to share the quick joy of children and also the speed of their physical recovery. We get to see premature infants gain an ounce a day, and see wounds heal in less than a week. We give advice on sleep and see success in a month. We and the families get used to quick fixes.
Parents and children are forewarned and reassured by our knowledge about how long things typically take: Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) peaks in 5 days, colic lessens in 3 months, changing sleep patterns takes 3 weeks, habit formation 6 weeks, menses come 2 years after breast development, and so on. But the timing of daily parenting is rarely as predictable. Sometimes a child’s clock is running fast, making waiting even seconds for a snack or a bathroom difficult; other times are slow, as when walking down the sidewalk noticing every leaf. The child’s clock is independent of the adult’s – and complicated by clocks of siblings.
Parent pace also is determined by many factors unrelated to the child: work demands, deadlines, train schedules, something in the oven, needs of siblings, and so on. To those can be added intrinsic factors affecting parent’s tolerance to shifting pace to the child’s such as temperament, fatigue, illness, pain, or even adult ADHD. And don’t forget caffeine (or other drugs) affecting the internal metronome. When impatience with the child is a complaint, it is useful to ask, “What makes waiting for your child difficult for you?”
When discussing time, I find it important to discuss the poison “s-word” of parenting – “should.” This trickster often comes from time illusions in childrearing. After seeing so many behaviors change quickly, parents expect all change to be equally fast. She should be able to sleep through the night by now! He should be able to dress and get to the table in 5 minutes. And sometimes it is the parent’s s-word that creates pain – I should love pushing for as long as she wants to swing, if I am a good parent. The problem with thinking “should” is that it implies willful or moral behavior, and it may prompt a judgmental or punitive parental response.
Otherwise well intentioned, cooperative children who take longer to shift their attention from homework to shower can be seen as oppositional. Worse yet, if the example used is from playing video games (something fun) to getting to the bus stop (an undesirable shift), you may hear parents critically say, “He only wants to do what he wants to do.” When examining examples (always key to helping with behavior), pointing out that all kinds of transitions are difficult for this child may be educational and allow for a more reasoned response. And specifically being on electronics puts adults as well as children in a time warp which is hard to escape.
There are many kinds of thwarted expectations, but expectations about how long things take are pretty universal. Frustration generates anger and even can lead to violence, such as road rage. Children – who all step to the beat of a different drummer, especially those with different “clocks” such as in ADHD – may experience frustration most of the day. This can manifest as irritability for them and sometimes as an irritable response back from the parent.
The first step in adapting to differences in parent and child pace is to realize that time is the problem. Naming it, saying “we are on toddler time,” can be a “signal to self” to slow down. Generations of children loved Mr. Rogers because he always conveyed having all the time in the world for the person he was with. It actually does not take as long as it feels at first to do this. Listening while keeping eye contact, breathing deeply, and waiting until two breaths after the child goes silent before speaking or moving conveys your interest and respect. For some behaviors, such as tantrums, such quiet attention may be all that is needed to resolve the issue. We adults can practice this, but even infants can be helped to develop patience by reinforcement with brief attention from their caregivers for tiny increments of waiting.
I sometimes suggest that parents time behaviors to develop perspective, reset expectations, practice waiting, and perhaps even distract themselves from intervening and making things worse by lending attention to negative behaviors. Timing as observation can be helpful for tantrums, breath holding spells, whining, and sibling squabbles; maximum times for baths and video games; minimum times for meals, sitting to poop, and special time. Timers are not just for Time Out! “Visual timers” that show green then yellow then red and sometimes flashing lights as warnings of an upcoming stopping point are helpful for children preschool and older. These timers help them to develop a better sense of time and begin managing their own transitions. A game of guessing how long things take can build timing skills and patience. I think every child past preschool benefits from a wristwatch, first to build time sense, and second to avoid looking at a smartphone to see the hour, then being distracted by content! Diaries of behaviors over time are a staple of behavior change plans, with the added benefit of lending perspective on actually how often and how long a troublesome behavior occurs. Practicing mindfulness – nonjudgmental watching of our thoughts and feelings, often with deep breathing and relaxation – also can help both children and adults build time tolerance.
Children have little control over their daily schedule. Surrendering when you can for them to do things at their own pace can reduce their frustration, build the parent-child relationship, and promote positive behaviors. Plus family life is more enjoyable lived slower. You even can remind parents that “the days are long but the years are short” before their children will be grown and gone.
Dr. Howard is an assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
It is often fun and sometimes exhausting watching the speed with which children run around or switch from one game to another. A lot of us were attracted to pediatrics to share the quick joy of children and also the speed of their physical recovery. We get to see premature infants gain an ounce a day, and see wounds heal in less than a week. We give advice on sleep and see success in a month. We and the families get used to quick fixes.
Parents and children are forewarned and reassured by our knowledge about how long things typically take: Respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) peaks in 5 days, colic lessens in 3 months, changing sleep patterns takes 3 weeks, habit formation 6 weeks, menses come 2 years after breast development, and so on. But the timing of daily parenting is rarely as predictable. Sometimes a child’s clock is running fast, making waiting even seconds for a snack or a bathroom difficult; other times are slow, as when walking down the sidewalk noticing every leaf. The child’s clock is independent of the adult’s – and complicated by clocks of siblings.
Parent pace also is determined by many factors unrelated to the child: work demands, deadlines, train schedules, something in the oven, needs of siblings, and so on. To those can be added intrinsic factors affecting parent’s tolerance to shifting pace to the child’s such as temperament, fatigue, illness, pain, or even adult ADHD. And don’t forget caffeine (or other drugs) affecting the internal metronome. When impatience with the child is a complaint, it is useful to ask, “What makes waiting for your child difficult for you?”
When discussing time, I find it important to discuss the poison “s-word” of parenting – “should.” This trickster often comes from time illusions in childrearing. After seeing so many behaviors change quickly, parents expect all change to be equally fast. She should be able to sleep through the night by now! He should be able to dress and get to the table in 5 minutes. And sometimes it is the parent’s s-word that creates pain – I should love pushing for as long as she wants to swing, if I am a good parent. The problem with thinking “should” is that it implies willful or moral behavior, and it may prompt a judgmental or punitive parental response.
Otherwise well intentioned, cooperative children who take longer to shift their attention from homework to shower can be seen as oppositional. Worse yet, if the example used is from playing video games (something fun) to getting to the bus stop (an undesirable shift), you may hear parents critically say, “He only wants to do what he wants to do.” When examining examples (always key to helping with behavior), pointing out that all kinds of transitions are difficult for this child may be educational and allow for a more reasoned response. And specifically being on electronics puts adults as well as children in a time warp which is hard to escape.
There are many kinds of thwarted expectations, but expectations about how long things take are pretty universal. Frustration generates anger and even can lead to violence, such as road rage. Children – who all step to the beat of a different drummer, especially those with different “clocks” such as in ADHD – may experience frustration most of the day. This can manifest as irritability for them and sometimes as an irritable response back from the parent.
The first step in adapting to differences in parent and child pace is to realize that time is the problem. Naming it, saying “we are on toddler time,” can be a “signal to self” to slow down. Generations of children loved Mr. Rogers because he always conveyed having all the time in the world for the person he was with. It actually does not take as long as it feels at first to do this. Listening while keeping eye contact, breathing deeply, and waiting until two breaths after the child goes silent before speaking or moving conveys your interest and respect. For some behaviors, such as tantrums, such quiet attention may be all that is needed to resolve the issue. We adults can practice this, but even infants can be helped to develop patience by reinforcement with brief attention from their caregivers for tiny increments of waiting.
I sometimes suggest that parents time behaviors to develop perspective, reset expectations, practice waiting, and perhaps even distract themselves from intervening and making things worse by lending attention to negative behaviors. Timing as observation can be helpful for tantrums, breath holding spells, whining, and sibling squabbles; maximum times for baths and video games; minimum times for meals, sitting to poop, and special time. Timers are not just for Time Out! “Visual timers” that show green then yellow then red and sometimes flashing lights as warnings of an upcoming stopping point are helpful for children preschool and older. These timers help them to develop a better sense of time and begin managing their own transitions. A game of guessing how long things take can build timing skills and patience. I think every child past preschool benefits from a wristwatch, first to build time sense, and second to avoid looking at a smartphone to see the hour, then being distracted by content! Diaries of behaviors over time are a staple of behavior change plans, with the added benefit of lending perspective on actually how often and how long a troublesome behavior occurs. Practicing mindfulness – nonjudgmental watching of our thoughts and feelings, often with deep breathing and relaxation – also can help both children and adults build time tolerance.
Children have little control over their daily schedule. Surrendering when you can for them to do things at their own pace can reduce their frustration, build the parent-child relationship, and promote positive behaviors. Plus family life is more enjoyable lived slower. You even can remind parents that “the days are long but the years are short” before their children will be grown and gone.
Dr. Howard is an assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
ALERT: Grandmother in the room!
One of the things that makes pediatrics challenging and potentially rewarding is that there are often multiple family members in the room for our visits.
With an expansion of our acknowledged role safeguarding and promoting a child’s current and future health to include asking about environmental and caregiving influences comes some tricky dynamics. The parent is in the room with a teen who has a secret love life. A father is in the room with the mother he threatens at home. The mother is in the room with the preschooler she has hit. There is risk but also opportunity for valuable discourse, discovery, and healing.
We now know that about 50% of the future morbidity of the child before us will be determined by the adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) they experience during the exact years (0-18) they are under our health supervision. Many of these risk factors come from home life and may be preventable or at least moderated. When we begin screening for ACEs we are asking the parents about bad things that happened when they were growing up.
The dilemma that came up recently was the grandmother in the room with the daughter she raised who is now caring for her own child. In this situation, you may be in the presence of the person whom the parent feels inflicted – or failed to prevent – the hurts being discussed.
“How are things at home?” you ask dutifully. Mother says “Fine,” but rolls her eyes. Grandma, sitting in the room looking at her phone, says something to the mother in a foreign language. You are in the dark, but sense friction.
Even in modern times, it is respectful to address the grandparent who is present first in a visit, introducing yourself, and finding out the relationship and living situation. Previsit questionnaires can help set visit priorities and alert you to what topics may be better discussed in private, perhaps including ACEs. It is important to ask the parent permission to discuss potentially sensitive topics when the grandparent is present or ask for the grandparent to step out of the room.
Why not just be sure the grandmother stays in the waiting room? If the hurts from the past still are affecting the mother now, moderating an open conversation about those experiences can be very valuable to reducing their impact on present parenting or dysfunctional coping strategies.
Some experts say that any enumeration of ACEs should include asking “Which of these are still bothering you now?” Saying, “Parenting often brings up memories of similar situations from when we were young that can tilt how we act toward our own children,” then asking, “Can we talk about those experiences you had?”
Eliciting the grandparent’s perspective with a question such as “What were those years of parenting like for you?” respects the significance of the grandparent’s role. The grandparents probably were young, stressed, and inexperienced when they were the mother’s primary caregivers. Or the grandparent may have gratefully erased memories of the tough moments but the parent clearly remembers the childhood pain, because hurts sear themselves into our brains more than positive or neutral experiences do. She or he may have been holding resentment against the grandparent and living it out for years and now in her/his parenting.
Suddenly, you and the parent may hear the grandparent reveal other factors that would never have been visible to the child then and may never have been brought up because the grandparent was working three jobs because the father was deployed; caring for a sick sibling; suffering from depression; being subject to an abusive alcoholic spouse; having to keep the children inside because of shooting in the neighborhood, etc. You may be able reframe what is said to point out that the grandparents “did the best they could at the time and with the resources and skills they possessed then.”
Mothers who had troubled relationships with their own mothers (e.g. insecure attachment) tend to pass these patterns down in their own parenting unless they have processed the experiences and come to a place of acceptance. People may process their past effectively on their own, some through mental health counseling or religion, but for others a brief “Ah ha!” moment may help settle the waters.
Ask the grandparent as well as the parent, “What are you hoping will go differently than when [parent] was growing up?” Some try to make up for what they see as their own mistakes by advocating coming down harder on their grandchildren than they did on their own. An example among my patients was the grandmother whose daughter had become a heroin user, who was very strict and critical in her determination that her granddaughter would not fall into the wrong crowd. Voicing this for her as a possible reason for her strident posture dramatically shifted her attitude.
Other times parents, maybe grateful for a place to live with the grandparents but also trapped there financially, are simmering with anger at the grandparents’ intrusions into their parenting choices. It can be useful to point out that grandparents, no longer caught up in careers, may feel the need to be useful and have a role by giving advice or bustling around cleaning and buying things for their grandchildren. Hey, any help can be welcome if you don’t take it as meaning you are not doing a good job! Although limits can be set.
Transitioning to regarding one’s grown child as an adult and letting them make their own choices and mistakes, waiting until asked for advice, can take a lot of tongue biting after years of active parenting. One essay I read about an adult’s fond memories of his father included the realization that some of the best parenting he recalled was when his father left things unsaid.
Cultural differences in parenting between grandparent and parent can be another source of stress. Assimilation happens fast in America. The newest generation is often trying very hard NOT to be like the “old country.” The parents’ turning away from the grandparents’ culture or religion can threaten their values and culture for which they may have sacrificed everything. Advising the parent to celebrate at least some traditions may reduce the tension at little cost.
As of 2016, 5% of U.S. children in two-parent families lived with a grandparent and 15% of single parents do. This is much higher in certain ethnic groups where living with your adult children is expected. Even if not living together, their influence may be great. Many parents report more stress than support from grandparents. Negative mother-in-law stories abound! That is why simply asking if the parent “has anyone to help them” as a way of assessing social support can be very misleading. You also may ask “Is that more a help or a problem?”
When grandparents undermine the parents’ rules, of course, a family meeting is in order. But grandparents, with the wisdom of years and reduced life pressure, tend to care for children more generously and less critically than when they were main caregivers, conveying unconditional love that can buffer stresses and be remembered by the beloved child forever.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
One of the things that makes pediatrics challenging and potentially rewarding is that there are often multiple family members in the room for our visits.
With an expansion of our acknowledged role safeguarding and promoting a child’s current and future health to include asking about environmental and caregiving influences comes some tricky dynamics. The parent is in the room with a teen who has a secret love life. A father is in the room with the mother he threatens at home. The mother is in the room with the preschooler she has hit. There is risk but also opportunity for valuable discourse, discovery, and healing.
We now know that about 50% of the future morbidity of the child before us will be determined by the adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) they experience during the exact years (0-18) they are under our health supervision. Many of these risk factors come from home life and may be preventable or at least moderated. When we begin screening for ACEs we are asking the parents about bad things that happened when they were growing up.
The dilemma that came up recently was the grandmother in the room with the daughter she raised who is now caring for her own child. In this situation, you may be in the presence of the person whom the parent feels inflicted – or failed to prevent – the hurts being discussed.
“How are things at home?” you ask dutifully. Mother says “Fine,” but rolls her eyes. Grandma, sitting in the room looking at her phone, says something to the mother in a foreign language. You are in the dark, but sense friction.
Even in modern times, it is respectful to address the grandparent who is present first in a visit, introducing yourself, and finding out the relationship and living situation. Previsit questionnaires can help set visit priorities and alert you to what topics may be better discussed in private, perhaps including ACEs. It is important to ask the parent permission to discuss potentially sensitive topics when the grandparent is present or ask for the grandparent to step out of the room.
Why not just be sure the grandmother stays in the waiting room? If the hurts from the past still are affecting the mother now, moderating an open conversation about those experiences can be very valuable to reducing their impact on present parenting or dysfunctional coping strategies.
Some experts say that any enumeration of ACEs should include asking “Which of these are still bothering you now?” Saying, “Parenting often brings up memories of similar situations from when we were young that can tilt how we act toward our own children,” then asking, “Can we talk about those experiences you had?”
Eliciting the grandparent’s perspective with a question such as “What were those years of parenting like for you?” respects the significance of the grandparent’s role. The grandparents probably were young, stressed, and inexperienced when they were the mother’s primary caregivers. Or the grandparent may have gratefully erased memories of the tough moments but the parent clearly remembers the childhood pain, because hurts sear themselves into our brains more than positive or neutral experiences do. She or he may have been holding resentment against the grandparent and living it out for years and now in her/his parenting.
Suddenly, you and the parent may hear the grandparent reveal other factors that would never have been visible to the child then and may never have been brought up because the grandparent was working three jobs because the father was deployed; caring for a sick sibling; suffering from depression; being subject to an abusive alcoholic spouse; having to keep the children inside because of shooting in the neighborhood, etc. You may be able reframe what is said to point out that the grandparents “did the best they could at the time and with the resources and skills they possessed then.”
Mothers who had troubled relationships with their own mothers (e.g. insecure attachment) tend to pass these patterns down in their own parenting unless they have processed the experiences and come to a place of acceptance. People may process their past effectively on their own, some through mental health counseling or religion, but for others a brief “Ah ha!” moment may help settle the waters.
Ask the grandparent as well as the parent, “What are you hoping will go differently than when [parent] was growing up?” Some try to make up for what they see as their own mistakes by advocating coming down harder on their grandchildren than they did on their own. An example among my patients was the grandmother whose daughter had become a heroin user, who was very strict and critical in her determination that her granddaughter would not fall into the wrong crowd. Voicing this for her as a possible reason for her strident posture dramatically shifted her attitude.
Other times parents, maybe grateful for a place to live with the grandparents but also trapped there financially, are simmering with anger at the grandparents’ intrusions into their parenting choices. It can be useful to point out that grandparents, no longer caught up in careers, may feel the need to be useful and have a role by giving advice or bustling around cleaning and buying things for their grandchildren. Hey, any help can be welcome if you don’t take it as meaning you are not doing a good job! Although limits can be set.
Transitioning to regarding one’s grown child as an adult and letting them make their own choices and mistakes, waiting until asked for advice, can take a lot of tongue biting after years of active parenting. One essay I read about an adult’s fond memories of his father included the realization that some of the best parenting he recalled was when his father left things unsaid.
Cultural differences in parenting between grandparent and parent can be another source of stress. Assimilation happens fast in America. The newest generation is often trying very hard NOT to be like the “old country.” The parents’ turning away from the grandparents’ culture or religion can threaten their values and culture for which they may have sacrificed everything. Advising the parent to celebrate at least some traditions may reduce the tension at little cost.
As of 2016, 5% of U.S. children in two-parent families lived with a grandparent and 15% of single parents do. This is much higher in certain ethnic groups where living with your adult children is expected. Even if not living together, their influence may be great. Many parents report more stress than support from grandparents. Negative mother-in-law stories abound! That is why simply asking if the parent “has anyone to help them” as a way of assessing social support can be very misleading. You also may ask “Is that more a help or a problem?”
When grandparents undermine the parents’ rules, of course, a family meeting is in order. But grandparents, with the wisdom of years and reduced life pressure, tend to care for children more generously and less critically than when they were main caregivers, conveying unconditional love that can buffer stresses and be remembered by the beloved child forever.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
One of the things that makes pediatrics challenging and potentially rewarding is that there are often multiple family members in the room for our visits.
With an expansion of our acknowledged role safeguarding and promoting a child’s current and future health to include asking about environmental and caregiving influences comes some tricky dynamics. The parent is in the room with a teen who has a secret love life. A father is in the room with the mother he threatens at home. The mother is in the room with the preschooler she has hit. There is risk but also opportunity for valuable discourse, discovery, and healing.
We now know that about 50% of the future morbidity of the child before us will be determined by the adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) they experience during the exact years (0-18) they are under our health supervision. Many of these risk factors come from home life and may be preventable or at least moderated. When we begin screening for ACEs we are asking the parents about bad things that happened when they were growing up.
The dilemma that came up recently was the grandmother in the room with the daughter she raised who is now caring for her own child. In this situation, you may be in the presence of the person whom the parent feels inflicted – or failed to prevent – the hurts being discussed.
“How are things at home?” you ask dutifully. Mother says “Fine,” but rolls her eyes. Grandma, sitting in the room looking at her phone, says something to the mother in a foreign language. You are in the dark, but sense friction.
Even in modern times, it is respectful to address the grandparent who is present first in a visit, introducing yourself, and finding out the relationship and living situation. Previsit questionnaires can help set visit priorities and alert you to what topics may be better discussed in private, perhaps including ACEs. It is important to ask the parent permission to discuss potentially sensitive topics when the grandparent is present or ask for the grandparent to step out of the room.
Why not just be sure the grandmother stays in the waiting room? If the hurts from the past still are affecting the mother now, moderating an open conversation about those experiences can be very valuable to reducing their impact on present parenting or dysfunctional coping strategies.
Some experts say that any enumeration of ACEs should include asking “Which of these are still bothering you now?” Saying, “Parenting often brings up memories of similar situations from when we were young that can tilt how we act toward our own children,” then asking, “Can we talk about those experiences you had?”
Eliciting the grandparent’s perspective with a question such as “What were those years of parenting like for you?” respects the significance of the grandparent’s role. The grandparents probably were young, stressed, and inexperienced when they were the mother’s primary caregivers. Or the grandparent may have gratefully erased memories of the tough moments but the parent clearly remembers the childhood pain, because hurts sear themselves into our brains more than positive or neutral experiences do. She or he may have been holding resentment against the grandparent and living it out for years and now in her/his parenting.
Suddenly, you and the parent may hear the grandparent reveal other factors that would never have been visible to the child then and may never have been brought up because the grandparent was working three jobs because the father was deployed; caring for a sick sibling; suffering from depression; being subject to an abusive alcoholic spouse; having to keep the children inside because of shooting in the neighborhood, etc. You may be able reframe what is said to point out that the grandparents “did the best they could at the time and with the resources and skills they possessed then.”
Mothers who had troubled relationships with their own mothers (e.g. insecure attachment) tend to pass these patterns down in their own parenting unless they have processed the experiences and come to a place of acceptance. People may process their past effectively on their own, some through mental health counseling or religion, but for others a brief “Ah ha!” moment may help settle the waters.
Ask the grandparent as well as the parent, “What are you hoping will go differently than when [parent] was growing up?” Some try to make up for what they see as their own mistakes by advocating coming down harder on their grandchildren than they did on their own. An example among my patients was the grandmother whose daughter had become a heroin user, who was very strict and critical in her determination that her granddaughter would not fall into the wrong crowd. Voicing this for her as a possible reason for her strident posture dramatically shifted her attitude.
Other times parents, maybe grateful for a place to live with the grandparents but also trapped there financially, are simmering with anger at the grandparents’ intrusions into their parenting choices. It can be useful to point out that grandparents, no longer caught up in careers, may feel the need to be useful and have a role by giving advice or bustling around cleaning and buying things for their grandchildren. Hey, any help can be welcome if you don’t take it as meaning you are not doing a good job! Although limits can be set.
Transitioning to regarding one’s grown child as an adult and letting them make their own choices and mistakes, waiting until asked for advice, can take a lot of tongue biting after years of active parenting. One essay I read about an adult’s fond memories of his father included the realization that some of the best parenting he recalled was when his father left things unsaid.
Cultural differences in parenting between grandparent and parent can be another source of stress. Assimilation happens fast in America. The newest generation is often trying very hard NOT to be like the “old country.” The parents’ turning away from the grandparents’ culture or religion can threaten their values and culture for which they may have sacrificed everything. Advising the parent to celebrate at least some traditions may reduce the tension at little cost.
As of 2016, 5% of U.S. children in two-parent families lived with a grandparent and 15% of single parents do. This is much higher in certain ethnic groups where living with your adult children is expected. Even if not living together, their influence may be great. Many parents report more stress than support from grandparents. Negative mother-in-law stories abound! That is why simply asking if the parent “has anyone to help them” as a way of assessing social support can be very misleading. You also may ask “Is that more a help or a problem?”
When grandparents undermine the parents’ rules, of course, a family meeting is in order. But grandparents, with the wisdom of years and reduced life pressure, tend to care for children more generously and less critically than when they were main caregivers, conveying unconditional love that can buffer stresses and be remembered by the beloved child forever.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Scoring below the cut but still depressed: What to do?
Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions in childhood, especially during socially turbulent adolescence when the brain is rapidly changing and parent-child relationships are strained by the teen’s striving for independence and identity. Often parents of teens call me worrying about possible depression, but in the next breath say “but maybe it is just puberty.” Because suicide is one of the most common causes of death among teens and is often associated with depression, we pediatricians have the scary job of sorting out symptoms and making a plan.
The Guidelines for Adolescent Depression in Primary Care (GLAD-PC)1,2 were revised in 2018 to help. This expert consensus document contains specific and practical guidance for all levels of depression. But for mild depression, GLAD-PC now advises pediatricians in Recommendation II to go beyond “watchful waiting.” It states, “After initial diagnosis,
Although a little vague, mild depression is diagnosed when there are “closer to 5” significant symptoms of depression, with “distressing but manageable” severity and only “mildly impaired” functioning. The most commonly used self-report adolescent depression screen, the Patient Health Questionnaire–Modified–9 (PHQ-9), has a recommended cut score of greater than 10, but 5-9 is considered mild depression symptoms. A clinical interview also is always required.
So what is this “active support” being recommended? After making an assessment of symptoms, severity, and impact – and ruling out significant suicide risk – the task is rather familiar to us from other medical conditions. We need to talk clearly and empathetically with the teen (and parents with consent) about depression and its neurological etiology, ask about contributing stress and genetic factors, and describe the typical course with optimism. This discussion is critical to pushing guilt or blame aside to rally family support. Substance use – (including alcohol) both a cause and attempted coping strategy for depression – must be addressed because it adds to risk for suicide or crashes and because it interacts with medicines.
Perhaps the biggest difference between active support for depression versus that for other conditions is that teens are likely reluctant, hopeless, and/or lacking energy to participate in the plan. The plan, therefore, needs to be approached in smaller steps and build on prior teen strengths, goals, or talents to motivate them and create reward to counteract general lethargy. You may know this teen used to play basketball, or sing at church, or love playing with a baby sister – all activities to try to reawaken. Parents can help recall these and are key to setting up opportunities.
GLAD-PC provides a “Self-Care Success!” worksheet of categories for goal setting for active support. These goals include:
- Stay physically active. Specified days/month, minutes/session, and dates and times.
- Engage spirituality and fun activities. Specify times/week, when, and with whom).
- Eat balanced meals. Specify number/day and names of foods.
- Spend time with people who can support you. Specify number/month, minutes/time, with whom, and doing what.
- Spend time relaxing. Specify days/week, minutes/time, and doing what.
- Determine small goals and simple steps. Establish these for a specified problem.
There is now evidence for these you can share with your teen patients and families.
Exercise
Exercise has a moderate effect size of 0.56 on depression, comparable to medications for mild to moderate depression and a useful adjunct to medications. The national Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion recommends that 6- to 17-year-olds get 60 minutes/day of moderate exercise or undertake vigorous “out of breath” exercise three times a week to maintain health. A meta-analysis of studies of yoga for people with depressive symptoms (not necessarily diagnosed depression) found reduced symptoms in 14 of 23 studies.
Pleasure
Advising fun has to include acknowledgment that a depressed teen is not motivated to do formerly fun things and may not get as much/any pleasure from it. You need to explain that “doing precedes feeling.” While what is fun is personal, new findings indicate that 2 hours/week “in nature” lowers stress, boosts mental health, and increases sense of well-being.
Nutrition
The MIND diet (Mediterranean-type diet high in leafy vegetables and berries but low in red meat) has evidence for lower odds of depression and psychological distress. Fatty acid supplements, specifically eicosapentaenoic acid at greater than 800 mg/day (930 mg), is better than placebo (P less than .001) for reducing mild depression within as little as 4 weeks. Natural S-Adenosyl-L-methionine (SAMe) has many studies showing benefit, according to National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine, a government-run website. NCCAM notes that St. John’s Wort has evidence for effectiveness equal to prescribed antidepressants for mild depression but with dangerous potential side effects, such as worsening of psychotic symptoms in bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, plus potentially life threatening drug interactions. While safe, valerian and probiotics have no evidence for reducing depression.
Social support
Family is usually the most important support for depressed teens even though they may be pushing family away, may refuse to come on outings, or may even refuse to come out of the bedroom. We should encourage parents and siblings to “hang out,” sitting quietly, available to listen rather than probing, cajoling, or nagging as they may have been doing. Parents also provide support by assuring adherence to visits, goals, and medications. Peer support helps a teen feel less alone and may increase social skills, but it can be difficult to sustain because friends may find depression threatening or give up when the teen avoids them and refuses activities. The National Association for Mental Illness has an online support group (www.strengthofus.org), as well as many excellent family resources. Sometimes medical efforts to be nonsectarian result in failure to recognize and remind teens and families of the value of religion, which is free and universally available, as a source of social support.
Relaxation
An evaluation of 15 studies concluded that relaxation techniques reduced depressive symptoms better than no treatment but not as much cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT). Yoga is another source of relaxation training. Mindfulness includes relaxation and specifies working to stay nonjudgmental about thoughts passing through one’s mind, recognizing and “arguing” with negative thinking, which is also part of CBT. Guided relaxation with a person, audiotape, or app (Calm or Headspace, among others) may be better for depressed teens because it inserts a voice to guide thoughts, which could potentially fend off ruminating on sad things.
Setting goals to address problems
In mild depression, compared with more endogenous moderate to severe major depressive disorder, a specific life stressor or relationship issue may be the precipitant. Identifying such factors (never forgetting possible trauma or abuse, which are harder to reveal), empathizing with the pain, and addressing them such as using Problem Solving Treatment for Primary Care (PST-PC) are within primary care skills. PST-PC involves four to six 30-minute sessions over 6-10 weeks during which you can provide perspective, help your patient set realistic goals and solutions to try out for situations that can be changed or coping strategies for emotion-focused unchangeable issues, iteratively check on progress via calls or televisits (the monitoring component), and renew problem-solving efforts as needed.
If mild depression fails to improve over several months or worsens, GLAD-PC describes evidence-based treatments. Even if it remits, your active support and monitoring should continue because depression tends to recur. You may not realize how valuable these seemingly simple active supports are to keeping mild depression in your teen patients at bay.
Dr. Howard is an assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
References
1. Pediatrics. 2018 Mar 1. doi: 10.1542/peds.2017-4081.
2. Pediatrics. 2018 Mar 1. doi: 10.1542/peds.2017-4082.
Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions in childhood, especially during socially turbulent adolescence when the brain is rapidly changing and parent-child relationships are strained by the teen’s striving for independence and identity. Often parents of teens call me worrying about possible depression, but in the next breath say “but maybe it is just puberty.” Because suicide is one of the most common causes of death among teens and is often associated with depression, we pediatricians have the scary job of sorting out symptoms and making a plan.
The Guidelines for Adolescent Depression in Primary Care (GLAD-PC)1,2 were revised in 2018 to help. This expert consensus document contains specific and practical guidance for all levels of depression. But for mild depression, GLAD-PC now advises pediatricians in Recommendation II to go beyond “watchful waiting.” It states, “After initial diagnosis,
Although a little vague, mild depression is diagnosed when there are “closer to 5” significant symptoms of depression, with “distressing but manageable” severity and only “mildly impaired” functioning. The most commonly used self-report adolescent depression screen, the Patient Health Questionnaire–Modified–9 (PHQ-9), has a recommended cut score of greater than 10, but 5-9 is considered mild depression symptoms. A clinical interview also is always required.
So what is this “active support” being recommended? After making an assessment of symptoms, severity, and impact – and ruling out significant suicide risk – the task is rather familiar to us from other medical conditions. We need to talk clearly and empathetically with the teen (and parents with consent) about depression and its neurological etiology, ask about contributing stress and genetic factors, and describe the typical course with optimism. This discussion is critical to pushing guilt or blame aside to rally family support. Substance use – (including alcohol) both a cause and attempted coping strategy for depression – must be addressed because it adds to risk for suicide or crashes and because it interacts with medicines.
Perhaps the biggest difference between active support for depression versus that for other conditions is that teens are likely reluctant, hopeless, and/or lacking energy to participate in the plan. The plan, therefore, needs to be approached in smaller steps and build on prior teen strengths, goals, or talents to motivate them and create reward to counteract general lethargy. You may know this teen used to play basketball, or sing at church, or love playing with a baby sister – all activities to try to reawaken. Parents can help recall these and are key to setting up opportunities.
GLAD-PC provides a “Self-Care Success!” worksheet of categories for goal setting for active support. These goals include:
- Stay physically active. Specified days/month, minutes/session, and dates and times.
- Engage spirituality and fun activities. Specify times/week, when, and with whom).
- Eat balanced meals. Specify number/day and names of foods.
- Spend time with people who can support you. Specify number/month, minutes/time, with whom, and doing what.
- Spend time relaxing. Specify days/week, minutes/time, and doing what.
- Determine small goals and simple steps. Establish these for a specified problem.
There is now evidence for these you can share with your teen patients and families.
Exercise
Exercise has a moderate effect size of 0.56 on depression, comparable to medications for mild to moderate depression and a useful adjunct to medications. The national Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion recommends that 6- to 17-year-olds get 60 minutes/day of moderate exercise or undertake vigorous “out of breath” exercise three times a week to maintain health. A meta-analysis of studies of yoga for people with depressive symptoms (not necessarily diagnosed depression) found reduced symptoms in 14 of 23 studies.
Pleasure
Advising fun has to include acknowledgment that a depressed teen is not motivated to do formerly fun things and may not get as much/any pleasure from it. You need to explain that “doing precedes feeling.” While what is fun is personal, new findings indicate that 2 hours/week “in nature” lowers stress, boosts mental health, and increases sense of well-being.
Nutrition
The MIND diet (Mediterranean-type diet high in leafy vegetables and berries but low in red meat) has evidence for lower odds of depression and psychological distress. Fatty acid supplements, specifically eicosapentaenoic acid at greater than 800 mg/day (930 mg), is better than placebo (P less than .001) for reducing mild depression within as little as 4 weeks. Natural S-Adenosyl-L-methionine (SAMe) has many studies showing benefit, according to National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine, a government-run website. NCCAM notes that St. John’s Wort has evidence for effectiveness equal to prescribed antidepressants for mild depression but with dangerous potential side effects, such as worsening of psychotic symptoms in bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, plus potentially life threatening drug interactions. While safe, valerian and probiotics have no evidence for reducing depression.
Social support
Family is usually the most important support for depressed teens even though they may be pushing family away, may refuse to come on outings, or may even refuse to come out of the bedroom. We should encourage parents and siblings to “hang out,” sitting quietly, available to listen rather than probing, cajoling, or nagging as they may have been doing. Parents also provide support by assuring adherence to visits, goals, and medications. Peer support helps a teen feel less alone and may increase social skills, but it can be difficult to sustain because friends may find depression threatening or give up when the teen avoids them and refuses activities. The National Association for Mental Illness has an online support group (www.strengthofus.org), as well as many excellent family resources. Sometimes medical efforts to be nonsectarian result in failure to recognize and remind teens and families of the value of religion, which is free and universally available, as a source of social support.
Relaxation
An evaluation of 15 studies concluded that relaxation techniques reduced depressive symptoms better than no treatment but not as much cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT). Yoga is another source of relaxation training. Mindfulness includes relaxation and specifies working to stay nonjudgmental about thoughts passing through one’s mind, recognizing and “arguing” with negative thinking, which is also part of CBT. Guided relaxation with a person, audiotape, or app (Calm or Headspace, among others) may be better for depressed teens because it inserts a voice to guide thoughts, which could potentially fend off ruminating on sad things.
Setting goals to address problems
In mild depression, compared with more endogenous moderate to severe major depressive disorder, a specific life stressor or relationship issue may be the precipitant. Identifying such factors (never forgetting possible trauma or abuse, which are harder to reveal), empathizing with the pain, and addressing them such as using Problem Solving Treatment for Primary Care (PST-PC) are within primary care skills. PST-PC involves four to six 30-minute sessions over 6-10 weeks during which you can provide perspective, help your patient set realistic goals and solutions to try out for situations that can be changed or coping strategies for emotion-focused unchangeable issues, iteratively check on progress via calls or televisits (the monitoring component), and renew problem-solving efforts as needed.
If mild depression fails to improve over several months or worsens, GLAD-PC describes evidence-based treatments. Even if it remits, your active support and monitoring should continue because depression tends to recur. You may not realize how valuable these seemingly simple active supports are to keeping mild depression in your teen patients at bay.
Dr. Howard is an assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
References
1. Pediatrics. 2018 Mar 1. doi: 10.1542/peds.2017-4081.
2. Pediatrics. 2018 Mar 1. doi: 10.1542/peds.2017-4082.
Depression is one of the most common mental health conditions in childhood, especially during socially turbulent adolescence when the brain is rapidly changing and parent-child relationships are strained by the teen’s striving for independence and identity. Often parents of teens call me worrying about possible depression, but in the next breath say “but maybe it is just puberty.” Because suicide is one of the most common causes of death among teens and is often associated with depression, we pediatricians have the scary job of sorting out symptoms and making a plan.
The Guidelines for Adolescent Depression in Primary Care (GLAD-PC)1,2 were revised in 2018 to help. This expert consensus document contains specific and practical guidance for all levels of depression. But for mild depression, GLAD-PC now advises pediatricians in Recommendation II to go beyond “watchful waiting.” It states, “After initial diagnosis,
Although a little vague, mild depression is diagnosed when there are “closer to 5” significant symptoms of depression, with “distressing but manageable” severity and only “mildly impaired” functioning. The most commonly used self-report adolescent depression screen, the Patient Health Questionnaire–Modified–9 (PHQ-9), has a recommended cut score of greater than 10, but 5-9 is considered mild depression symptoms. A clinical interview also is always required.
So what is this “active support” being recommended? After making an assessment of symptoms, severity, and impact – and ruling out significant suicide risk – the task is rather familiar to us from other medical conditions. We need to talk clearly and empathetically with the teen (and parents with consent) about depression and its neurological etiology, ask about contributing stress and genetic factors, and describe the typical course with optimism. This discussion is critical to pushing guilt or blame aside to rally family support. Substance use – (including alcohol) both a cause and attempted coping strategy for depression – must be addressed because it adds to risk for suicide or crashes and because it interacts with medicines.
Perhaps the biggest difference between active support for depression versus that for other conditions is that teens are likely reluctant, hopeless, and/or lacking energy to participate in the plan. The plan, therefore, needs to be approached in smaller steps and build on prior teen strengths, goals, or talents to motivate them and create reward to counteract general lethargy. You may know this teen used to play basketball, or sing at church, or love playing with a baby sister – all activities to try to reawaken. Parents can help recall these and are key to setting up opportunities.
GLAD-PC provides a “Self-Care Success!” worksheet of categories for goal setting for active support. These goals include:
- Stay physically active. Specified days/month, minutes/session, and dates and times.
- Engage spirituality and fun activities. Specify times/week, when, and with whom).
- Eat balanced meals. Specify number/day and names of foods.
- Spend time with people who can support you. Specify number/month, minutes/time, with whom, and doing what.
- Spend time relaxing. Specify days/week, minutes/time, and doing what.
- Determine small goals and simple steps. Establish these for a specified problem.
There is now evidence for these you can share with your teen patients and families.
Exercise
Exercise has a moderate effect size of 0.56 on depression, comparable to medications for mild to moderate depression and a useful adjunct to medications. The national Office of Disease Prevention and Health Promotion recommends that 6- to 17-year-olds get 60 minutes/day of moderate exercise or undertake vigorous “out of breath” exercise three times a week to maintain health. A meta-analysis of studies of yoga for people with depressive symptoms (not necessarily diagnosed depression) found reduced symptoms in 14 of 23 studies.
Pleasure
Advising fun has to include acknowledgment that a depressed teen is not motivated to do formerly fun things and may not get as much/any pleasure from it. You need to explain that “doing precedes feeling.” While what is fun is personal, new findings indicate that 2 hours/week “in nature” lowers stress, boosts mental health, and increases sense of well-being.
Nutrition
The MIND diet (Mediterranean-type diet high in leafy vegetables and berries but low in red meat) has evidence for lower odds of depression and psychological distress. Fatty acid supplements, specifically eicosapentaenoic acid at greater than 800 mg/day (930 mg), is better than placebo (P less than .001) for reducing mild depression within as little as 4 weeks. Natural S-Adenosyl-L-methionine (SAMe) has many studies showing benefit, according to National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine, a government-run website. NCCAM notes that St. John’s Wort has evidence for effectiveness equal to prescribed antidepressants for mild depression but with dangerous potential side effects, such as worsening of psychotic symptoms in bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, plus potentially life threatening drug interactions. While safe, valerian and probiotics have no evidence for reducing depression.
Social support
Family is usually the most important support for depressed teens even though they may be pushing family away, may refuse to come on outings, or may even refuse to come out of the bedroom. We should encourage parents and siblings to “hang out,” sitting quietly, available to listen rather than probing, cajoling, or nagging as they may have been doing. Parents also provide support by assuring adherence to visits, goals, and medications. Peer support helps a teen feel less alone and may increase social skills, but it can be difficult to sustain because friends may find depression threatening or give up when the teen avoids them and refuses activities. The National Association for Mental Illness has an online support group (www.strengthofus.org), as well as many excellent family resources. Sometimes medical efforts to be nonsectarian result in failure to recognize and remind teens and families of the value of religion, which is free and universally available, as a source of social support.
Relaxation
An evaluation of 15 studies concluded that relaxation techniques reduced depressive symptoms better than no treatment but not as much cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT). Yoga is another source of relaxation training. Mindfulness includes relaxation and specifies working to stay nonjudgmental about thoughts passing through one’s mind, recognizing and “arguing” with negative thinking, which is also part of CBT. Guided relaxation with a person, audiotape, or app (Calm or Headspace, among others) may be better for depressed teens because it inserts a voice to guide thoughts, which could potentially fend off ruminating on sad things.
Setting goals to address problems
In mild depression, compared with more endogenous moderate to severe major depressive disorder, a specific life stressor or relationship issue may be the precipitant. Identifying such factors (never forgetting possible trauma or abuse, which are harder to reveal), empathizing with the pain, and addressing them such as using Problem Solving Treatment for Primary Care (PST-PC) are within primary care skills. PST-PC involves four to six 30-minute sessions over 6-10 weeks during which you can provide perspective, help your patient set realistic goals and solutions to try out for situations that can be changed or coping strategies for emotion-focused unchangeable issues, iteratively check on progress via calls or televisits (the monitoring component), and renew problem-solving efforts as needed.
If mild depression fails to improve over several months or worsens, GLAD-PC describes evidence-based treatments. Even if it remits, your active support and monitoring should continue because depression tends to recur. You may not realize how valuable these seemingly simple active supports are to keeping mild depression in your teen patients at bay.
Dr. Howard is an assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
References
1. Pediatrics. 2018 Mar 1. doi: 10.1542/peds.2017-4081.
2. Pediatrics. 2018 Mar 1. doi: 10.1542/peds.2017-4082.
Making an effective referral is surprisingly complex
Referrals actually are a complex procedure that can result in crucial health, developmental, and mental health benefits, yet patients attend referred services at wildly variable rates of 11%-81%, and for mental health and early intervention (EI) less than half the time.1 When surveyed, primary care providers (PCP) say that they want to share in the care of 75% of patients they refer, especially for mental health concerns. Yet after decades of practice, I can count on one hand the number of children I have referred to mental health or EI services for whom I received feedback from the specialist (here meaning agencies or providers outside the office). Lately, if the specialist is using the same EHR, I sometimes discover their note when reviewing the document list, but I was not cc’d. In fact, the most common outcome is that the patient never sees the specialist and we don’t find out until the next visit, often months later when precious time for intervention has passed. Less than 50% of children with a mental health issue that qualifies as a disorder are detected by PCPs, and less than half of those children complete a referral. But there are lots of reasons for that, you say, such as a lack of specialists. But less than half of referrals for toddlers with developmental delays are completed to EI services even when such services are available and free of cost.
What makes referrals so complicated? Lack of referral completion can come from structural factors and interpersonal factors. We and our patients both are frustrated by lack of specialty resources, specialists who do not accept our patient’s insurance (or any insurance), distance, transportation, hours of operation issues, overall life burdens or priorities of families, and of course, cost. We can help with a few of these, either with our own list or ideally with the help of a care coordinator or social worker keeping a list identifying local specialists, payment methods accepted, and perhaps reduced-cost care options or financial assistance. However, the interpersonal issues that can make or break a referral definitely are within our reach.
Some of the reasons patients report for not following through on a referral include not feeling that their PCP evaluated the situation adequately through history or that the PCP failed to perform tests, such as screens. Because 27% of referrals are made based on the first phone contact about an issue (a dump?), and most are made at the first visit an issue is considered (two-thirds for mental health referrals), this feeling is unsurprising and likely true.2 Families often do not know what kind of expertise we have to size up a need, especially if discussion about development or mental health have not been a regular part of care before a problem is detected. Parents of children with developmental delays who declined referral felt they were more expert on their child’s development than the PCP. Another reason given for not attending a referral is that the condition being referred for and what to expect from the referral, including logistics, was not clear to the parents of the patient. Low-literacy parents (30% of low-income samples) did not find written materials helpful. Parents referred to EI services, for example, sometimes thought they were being sent to Child Protective Services or feared notification of immigration. PCPs who have more time for visits and/or had a care navigator available to explain the process have more successful referrals (80%), especially if the manager makes the phone contact, which takes a parent on average seven calls to EI. In some cases, the parent does not agree that a consultation is needed. If this had been part of the referral discussion, a shared understanding might have been attained or an intermediate step chosen.
In many practices, language, literacy, and cultural differences are major barriers. Other barriers come from the parent or another family member denying there is an issue, not believing that the intervention being suggested is effective, concern over stigma for diagnoses such as mental illness or autism, not prioritizing therapies we recommend over other potential solutions such as home efforts or herbal medicine, or simple fear. The key here is for us to both give information and nonjudgmentally listen to the parent’s (or child’s) point of view and barriers, showing empathy by echoing their feelings, then using a motivational interviewing approach to weighing pros and cons of taking steps towards a referral. Requesting a “Talk Back” from the parent of what you tried to convey can assure understanding. The “warm hand off” to a smiling colocated professional that is so helpful at overcoming fear has recently been simulated by onsite tele-intake visits, resulting in 80% of patients keeping a visit for mental health care.3
For collaborative and cost-efficient care, we need to provide the specialist with data we have gathered, what questions we want answered, how best to communicate back, and what role we want in subsequent care. Referral completion is three times higher when PCPs schedule the appointment and communicate with the specialist. We need back a timely note or call about their impression, any tests or treatments initiated, and their ideas about sharing care going forward. A structured referral template makes for more satisfactory communication, but the key is actually sending and receiving it! Most PCPs surveyed count on the family to convey information back from a specialist. This respects their ownership of the issue, but what they tell us may be inaccurate, incomplete, and/or miss concerns the specialist may not have wanted to tell the patient, such as rare but serious possibilities being considered or delicate social issues uncovered.
Great discrepancies have been found between the frequency PCPs report providing information to specialists (69%) and what specialists report about frequency of receipt (38%). PCPs report hearing back about 21% of mental health referrals.4 Both may be true if referral information is lost in the system somewhere. Simply faxing the referral form to EI programs (that routinely contact families) rather than just giving families a phone number (33%) increased referral success to 58%! Text reminders also hold promise. Finally, with such low completion rates, tracking referrals made and information back is crucial, yet only 6 of 17 practices in one study did so.5 Apart from intra-EHR referral, newer software-as-a-service systems can transmit consent forms that include permission and information for the specialist to contact the patient and report on kept appointments (such as CHADIS) as well as exchanging results (such as Salesforce) that hold promise for closing the loop.
New interest by health care systems in better referrals is not just caused by care considerations, but for financial reasons. Specialty care costs more than primary care management, and missed specialist appointments are not only missed opportunities but also costly! And one-half of all outpatient visits are for referrals! This may become the best motivator for your practice or system to undertake a quality improvement project to improve this crucial primary care procedure.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She reported no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com
References
1. Acad Pediatr. 2014 May-Jun;14(3):315-23.
2. Hosp Community Psychiatry. 1992 May;43(5):489-93.
3. Pediatrics. 2019 Mar 1;143(3): e20182738.
4. Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2000 May;154(5):499-506.
5. Pediatrics. 2010 Feb 1. doi: 10.1542/peds.2009-0388.
Referrals actually are a complex procedure that can result in crucial health, developmental, and mental health benefits, yet patients attend referred services at wildly variable rates of 11%-81%, and for mental health and early intervention (EI) less than half the time.1 When surveyed, primary care providers (PCP) say that they want to share in the care of 75% of patients they refer, especially for mental health concerns. Yet after decades of practice, I can count on one hand the number of children I have referred to mental health or EI services for whom I received feedback from the specialist (here meaning agencies or providers outside the office). Lately, if the specialist is using the same EHR, I sometimes discover their note when reviewing the document list, but I was not cc’d. In fact, the most common outcome is that the patient never sees the specialist and we don’t find out until the next visit, often months later when precious time for intervention has passed. Less than 50% of children with a mental health issue that qualifies as a disorder are detected by PCPs, and less than half of those children complete a referral. But there are lots of reasons for that, you say, such as a lack of specialists. But less than half of referrals for toddlers with developmental delays are completed to EI services even when such services are available and free of cost.
What makes referrals so complicated? Lack of referral completion can come from structural factors and interpersonal factors. We and our patients both are frustrated by lack of specialty resources, specialists who do not accept our patient’s insurance (or any insurance), distance, transportation, hours of operation issues, overall life burdens or priorities of families, and of course, cost. We can help with a few of these, either with our own list or ideally with the help of a care coordinator or social worker keeping a list identifying local specialists, payment methods accepted, and perhaps reduced-cost care options or financial assistance. However, the interpersonal issues that can make or break a referral definitely are within our reach.
Some of the reasons patients report for not following through on a referral include not feeling that their PCP evaluated the situation adequately through history or that the PCP failed to perform tests, such as screens. Because 27% of referrals are made based on the first phone contact about an issue (a dump?), and most are made at the first visit an issue is considered (two-thirds for mental health referrals), this feeling is unsurprising and likely true.2 Families often do not know what kind of expertise we have to size up a need, especially if discussion about development or mental health have not been a regular part of care before a problem is detected. Parents of children with developmental delays who declined referral felt they were more expert on their child’s development than the PCP. Another reason given for not attending a referral is that the condition being referred for and what to expect from the referral, including logistics, was not clear to the parents of the patient. Low-literacy parents (30% of low-income samples) did not find written materials helpful. Parents referred to EI services, for example, sometimes thought they were being sent to Child Protective Services or feared notification of immigration. PCPs who have more time for visits and/or had a care navigator available to explain the process have more successful referrals (80%), especially if the manager makes the phone contact, which takes a parent on average seven calls to EI. In some cases, the parent does not agree that a consultation is needed. If this had been part of the referral discussion, a shared understanding might have been attained or an intermediate step chosen.
In many practices, language, literacy, and cultural differences are major barriers. Other barriers come from the parent or another family member denying there is an issue, not believing that the intervention being suggested is effective, concern over stigma for diagnoses such as mental illness or autism, not prioritizing therapies we recommend over other potential solutions such as home efforts or herbal medicine, or simple fear. The key here is for us to both give information and nonjudgmentally listen to the parent’s (or child’s) point of view and barriers, showing empathy by echoing their feelings, then using a motivational interviewing approach to weighing pros and cons of taking steps towards a referral. Requesting a “Talk Back” from the parent of what you tried to convey can assure understanding. The “warm hand off” to a smiling colocated professional that is so helpful at overcoming fear has recently been simulated by onsite tele-intake visits, resulting in 80% of patients keeping a visit for mental health care.3
For collaborative and cost-efficient care, we need to provide the specialist with data we have gathered, what questions we want answered, how best to communicate back, and what role we want in subsequent care. Referral completion is three times higher when PCPs schedule the appointment and communicate with the specialist. We need back a timely note or call about their impression, any tests or treatments initiated, and their ideas about sharing care going forward. A structured referral template makes for more satisfactory communication, but the key is actually sending and receiving it! Most PCPs surveyed count on the family to convey information back from a specialist. This respects their ownership of the issue, but what they tell us may be inaccurate, incomplete, and/or miss concerns the specialist may not have wanted to tell the patient, such as rare but serious possibilities being considered or delicate social issues uncovered.
Great discrepancies have been found between the frequency PCPs report providing information to specialists (69%) and what specialists report about frequency of receipt (38%). PCPs report hearing back about 21% of mental health referrals.4 Both may be true if referral information is lost in the system somewhere. Simply faxing the referral form to EI programs (that routinely contact families) rather than just giving families a phone number (33%) increased referral success to 58%! Text reminders also hold promise. Finally, with such low completion rates, tracking referrals made and information back is crucial, yet only 6 of 17 practices in one study did so.5 Apart from intra-EHR referral, newer software-as-a-service systems can transmit consent forms that include permission and information for the specialist to contact the patient and report on kept appointments (such as CHADIS) as well as exchanging results (such as Salesforce) that hold promise for closing the loop.
New interest by health care systems in better referrals is not just caused by care considerations, but for financial reasons. Specialty care costs more than primary care management, and missed specialist appointments are not only missed opportunities but also costly! And one-half of all outpatient visits are for referrals! This may become the best motivator for your practice or system to undertake a quality improvement project to improve this crucial primary care procedure.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She reported no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com
References
1. Acad Pediatr. 2014 May-Jun;14(3):315-23.
2. Hosp Community Psychiatry. 1992 May;43(5):489-93.
3. Pediatrics. 2019 Mar 1;143(3): e20182738.
4. Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2000 May;154(5):499-506.
5. Pediatrics. 2010 Feb 1. doi: 10.1542/peds.2009-0388.
Referrals actually are a complex procedure that can result in crucial health, developmental, and mental health benefits, yet patients attend referred services at wildly variable rates of 11%-81%, and for mental health and early intervention (EI) less than half the time.1 When surveyed, primary care providers (PCP) say that they want to share in the care of 75% of patients they refer, especially for mental health concerns. Yet after decades of practice, I can count on one hand the number of children I have referred to mental health or EI services for whom I received feedback from the specialist (here meaning agencies or providers outside the office). Lately, if the specialist is using the same EHR, I sometimes discover their note when reviewing the document list, but I was not cc’d. In fact, the most common outcome is that the patient never sees the specialist and we don’t find out until the next visit, often months later when precious time for intervention has passed. Less than 50% of children with a mental health issue that qualifies as a disorder are detected by PCPs, and less than half of those children complete a referral. But there are lots of reasons for that, you say, such as a lack of specialists. But less than half of referrals for toddlers with developmental delays are completed to EI services even when such services are available and free of cost.
What makes referrals so complicated? Lack of referral completion can come from structural factors and interpersonal factors. We and our patients both are frustrated by lack of specialty resources, specialists who do not accept our patient’s insurance (or any insurance), distance, transportation, hours of operation issues, overall life burdens or priorities of families, and of course, cost. We can help with a few of these, either with our own list or ideally with the help of a care coordinator or social worker keeping a list identifying local specialists, payment methods accepted, and perhaps reduced-cost care options or financial assistance. However, the interpersonal issues that can make or break a referral definitely are within our reach.
Some of the reasons patients report for not following through on a referral include not feeling that their PCP evaluated the situation adequately through history or that the PCP failed to perform tests, such as screens. Because 27% of referrals are made based on the first phone contact about an issue (a dump?), and most are made at the first visit an issue is considered (two-thirds for mental health referrals), this feeling is unsurprising and likely true.2 Families often do not know what kind of expertise we have to size up a need, especially if discussion about development or mental health have not been a regular part of care before a problem is detected. Parents of children with developmental delays who declined referral felt they were more expert on their child’s development than the PCP. Another reason given for not attending a referral is that the condition being referred for and what to expect from the referral, including logistics, was not clear to the parents of the patient. Low-literacy parents (30% of low-income samples) did not find written materials helpful. Parents referred to EI services, for example, sometimes thought they were being sent to Child Protective Services or feared notification of immigration. PCPs who have more time for visits and/or had a care navigator available to explain the process have more successful referrals (80%), especially if the manager makes the phone contact, which takes a parent on average seven calls to EI. In some cases, the parent does not agree that a consultation is needed. If this had been part of the referral discussion, a shared understanding might have been attained or an intermediate step chosen.
In many practices, language, literacy, and cultural differences are major barriers. Other barriers come from the parent or another family member denying there is an issue, not believing that the intervention being suggested is effective, concern over stigma for diagnoses such as mental illness or autism, not prioritizing therapies we recommend over other potential solutions such as home efforts or herbal medicine, or simple fear. The key here is for us to both give information and nonjudgmentally listen to the parent’s (or child’s) point of view and barriers, showing empathy by echoing their feelings, then using a motivational interviewing approach to weighing pros and cons of taking steps towards a referral. Requesting a “Talk Back” from the parent of what you tried to convey can assure understanding. The “warm hand off” to a smiling colocated professional that is so helpful at overcoming fear has recently been simulated by onsite tele-intake visits, resulting in 80% of patients keeping a visit for mental health care.3
For collaborative and cost-efficient care, we need to provide the specialist with data we have gathered, what questions we want answered, how best to communicate back, and what role we want in subsequent care. Referral completion is three times higher when PCPs schedule the appointment and communicate with the specialist. We need back a timely note or call about their impression, any tests or treatments initiated, and their ideas about sharing care going forward. A structured referral template makes for more satisfactory communication, but the key is actually sending and receiving it! Most PCPs surveyed count on the family to convey information back from a specialist. This respects their ownership of the issue, but what they tell us may be inaccurate, incomplete, and/or miss concerns the specialist may not have wanted to tell the patient, such as rare but serious possibilities being considered or delicate social issues uncovered.
Great discrepancies have been found between the frequency PCPs report providing information to specialists (69%) and what specialists report about frequency of receipt (38%). PCPs report hearing back about 21% of mental health referrals.4 Both may be true if referral information is lost in the system somewhere. Simply faxing the referral form to EI programs (that routinely contact families) rather than just giving families a phone number (33%) increased referral success to 58%! Text reminders also hold promise. Finally, with such low completion rates, tracking referrals made and information back is crucial, yet only 6 of 17 practices in one study did so.5 Apart from intra-EHR referral, newer software-as-a-service systems can transmit consent forms that include permission and information for the specialist to contact the patient and report on kept appointments (such as CHADIS) as well as exchanging results (such as Salesforce) that hold promise for closing the loop.
New interest by health care systems in better referrals is not just caused by care considerations, but for financial reasons. Specialty care costs more than primary care management, and missed specialist appointments are not only missed opportunities but also costly! And one-half of all outpatient visits are for referrals! This may become the best motivator for your practice or system to undertake a quality improvement project to improve this crucial primary care procedure.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She reported no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com
References
1. Acad Pediatr. 2014 May-Jun;14(3):315-23.
2. Hosp Community Psychiatry. 1992 May;43(5):489-93.
3. Pediatrics. 2019 Mar 1;143(3): e20182738.
4. Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2000 May;154(5):499-506.
5. Pediatrics. 2010 Feb 1. doi: 10.1542/peds.2009-0388.
Dissuading parents from using corporal punishment
The American Academy of Pediatrics recently issued an updated policy statement on discipline,1 calling for us to teach parents not to use corporal punishment or verbally abuse their children. While a 2016 survey of 787 pediatricians found only 6% endorsed spanking as a positive, and, in a 2013 Harris Poll, fewer parents (72%) endorsed spanking, compared with 87% in 1995, we still have a lot of work to do given the even clearer adverse effects of painful discipline.
One of the difficult things about teaching parents to stop corporal punishment is that it works. A smack instantly stops many misbehaviors, but, when asked closely, parents admit that the pause is only about 10 minutes. Instant results are highly reinforcing, and smacking gives welcome emotional release for adults. Most parents who hit their children also were hit growing up. Hitting seems a natural and appropriate method of parenting because this is what their own beloved parents did. Hitting is not a logical decision but a reflex reinforced by early and current experiences.
Another barrier to stopping hitting is that, while some adverse effects appear immediately, most occur later. Immediate effects of the child screaming, telling the parent “I hate you,” throwing things, or stomping to their room may upset the parent, but also may be seen as signs that their action was effective, if retribution is their unconscious goal. Parenting comes at you like a fire hose, and our visits with families can be a special opportunity for reflection on their goals and how well their methods are working.
We can help parents see the later effects appearing hours or days after the hitting. Children feel degraded by spanking, and they may talk back; act sassy; refuse to follow directions or cooperate; and be mean to siblings, pets, or peers. Wait, you say, those were the behaviors the parent cited for hitting the child in the first place! This “hit, act up, hit” cycle perpetuating corporal punishment2 may be invisible to the parent.
Corporal punishment effects
“But he knows I love him,” parents will say, “and he respects me because of the way I have raised him.” Those things may be true, but the residual of loving combined with fearing has been shown to result in adulthood with increased aggression towards loved ones, including child abuse, partner violence, and sadistic sexual behaviors.
We can explain the much-later effects of corporal punishment: A child who experiences pain from the person they love and count on the most in life may develop very mixed feelings in future relationships. Especially if the pain was not countered by affection and admiration from the parent most of the time, the child may become aggressive; numb to others and to him/herself; and develop low self-esteem, learning difficulties, and depression or other mental health disorders. In some cases, the emotionally wounded child is driven to cause similar pain in others through mean acts, stealing things, hurting animals, and violence. “People hurt me so I am going to hurt them” is their unconscious path. As an adult, coping with old hurts may include numbing it with alcohol, drugs, overeating, smoking, or excessive sexual activities.
Do these sound like the familiar aftereffects of having adverse childhood experiences (ACE)? In fact, data from the original ACEs group who were recalling their childhoods showed that corporal punishment had a similar but independent impact as abuse, increasing suicide, and alcohol and substance use disorder.3 And the brain changes on MRIs of children with repeated corporal punishment had similar reductions of the prefrontal cortex and similar abnormalities of stress-related cortisol release.4
Parents commonly counter our advice not to hit their child by saying they were spanked and “came out okay.” But as for other medical problems, the effects of corporal punishment vary from child to child. Feelings are more easily and permanently damaged for some than for others, and we cannot predict who will have the worst outcomes. We do know that hitting is more harmful if not counteracted with affection, that more arbitrary hitting is worse than planned hitting for breaking prespecified rules, that more frequent hitting over time and to a later age has worse outcome, and that effects are smaller in studies of African Americans. Abuse, most often an acceleration of a disciplinary encounter, of course must be stopped and reported. Considered independently of parent factors, the children most likely to get hit are those with frequent impulsive misbehavior, such as ADHD, where our counseling to distinguish intentional from ADHD-related behaviors is most crucial. Anxious children likely take hitting to heart.
Specific strategies
We can’t just count on words and a handout to counter reflexes to hit, although these have some proven benefit. We have to convince parents to take action on other invisible health conditions such as high cholesterol or blood pressure, prescribing difficult changes in family diet and exercise. While these are also challenging they are not fraught with similar emotion. Parents resorting to hitting are more likely to be depressed, stressed, or have their own histories of ACEs. While we need to advise parents in practical strategies, we need to do this while attending to their strong feelings, family loyalty, frustration with the child’s misbehavior, and personal context, not just the facts about adverse outcomes.
Before it must come eliciting a specific example (What would s/he have to do to get hit? How did it work?), empathy with their pain (That sounds really [upsetting, frustrating, embarrassing]), problem solving (What have you tried so far? What has worked best?), and connecting to family opinions (What do your parents/partner say about this? How would your/his or her parents have handled this when you/he or she were growing up?).
Often advice for daily irrevocable special time and quick attention to desirable bits of behavior are first steps to breaking negative parent-child cycles. When a behavior requires intervention, eye contact at child level, acknowledgment of the child’s point of view, brief explanation of why a behavior is not okay, and an age- and offense-relevant consequence (removal of toy, time out, chore card, loss of privileges) have best evidence for reducing misbehavior over time. Letting them know that smaller consequences work better than larger ones is a relief for both child and parent!
The new AAP policy article has references for parenting programs, videos, and handouts – all good ideas. But parents are more likely to make the effort to use these resources when you develop understanding of their situation without judging them, explain reasons for choosing noncorporal discipline, provide evidence-based alternatives, and offer return visits to support them in changing their ways.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She reported no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
References
1. Pediatrics. 2018 Dec 1;142[6]: e20183112.
2. J Youth Adolesc. 2015 Mar;44(3):658-69.
3. Child Abuse Negl. 2017 Sep;71:24-31.
4. Neuroimage. 2009 Aug;47 Suppl 2:T66-71.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recently issued an updated policy statement on discipline,1 calling for us to teach parents not to use corporal punishment or verbally abuse their children. While a 2016 survey of 787 pediatricians found only 6% endorsed spanking as a positive, and, in a 2013 Harris Poll, fewer parents (72%) endorsed spanking, compared with 87% in 1995, we still have a lot of work to do given the even clearer adverse effects of painful discipline.
One of the difficult things about teaching parents to stop corporal punishment is that it works. A smack instantly stops many misbehaviors, but, when asked closely, parents admit that the pause is only about 10 minutes. Instant results are highly reinforcing, and smacking gives welcome emotional release for adults. Most parents who hit their children also were hit growing up. Hitting seems a natural and appropriate method of parenting because this is what their own beloved parents did. Hitting is not a logical decision but a reflex reinforced by early and current experiences.
Another barrier to stopping hitting is that, while some adverse effects appear immediately, most occur later. Immediate effects of the child screaming, telling the parent “I hate you,” throwing things, or stomping to their room may upset the parent, but also may be seen as signs that their action was effective, if retribution is their unconscious goal. Parenting comes at you like a fire hose, and our visits with families can be a special opportunity for reflection on their goals and how well their methods are working.
We can help parents see the later effects appearing hours or days after the hitting. Children feel degraded by spanking, and they may talk back; act sassy; refuse to follow directions or cooperate; and be mean to siblings, pets, or peers. Wait, you say, those were the behaviors the parent cited for hitting the child in the first place! This “hit, act up, hit” cycle perpetuating corporal punishment2 may be invisible to the parent.
Corporal punishment effects
“But he knows I love him,” parents will say, “and he respects me because of the way I have raised him.” Those things may be true, but the residual of loving combined with fearing has been shown to result in adulthood with increased aggression towards loved ones, including child abuse, partner violence, and sadistic sexual behaviors.
We can explain the much-later effects of corporal punishment: A child who experiences pain from the person they love and count on the most in life may develop very mixed feelings in future relationships. Especially if the pain was not countered by affection and admiration from the parent most of the time, the child may become aggressive; numb to others and to him/herself; and develop low self-esteem, learning difficulties, and depression or other mental health disorders. In some cases, the emotionally wounded child is driven to cause similar pain in others through mean acts, stealing things, hurting animals, and violence. “People hurt me so I am going to hurt them” is their unconscious path. As an adult, coping with old hurts may include numbing it with alcohol, drugs, overeating, smoking, or excessive sexual activities.
Do these sound like the familiar aftereffects of having adverse childhood experiences (ACE)? In fact, data from the original ACEs group who were recalling their childhoods showed that corporal punishment had a similar but independent impact as abuse, increasing suicide, and alcohol and substance use disorder.3 And the brain changes on MRIs of children with repeated corporal punishment had similar reductions of the prefrontal cortex and similar abnormalities of stress-related cortisol release.4
Parents commonly counter our advice not to hit their child by saying they were spanked and “came out okay.” But as for other medical problems, the effects of corporal punishment vary from child to child. Feelings are more easily and permanently damaged for some than for others, and we cannot predict who will have the worst outcomes. We do know that hitting is more harmful if not counteracted with affection, that more arbitrary hitting is worse than planned hitting for breaking prespecified rules, that more frequent hitting over time and to a later age has worse outcome, and that effects are smaller in studies of African Americans. Abuse, most often an acceleration of a disciplinary encounter, of course must be stopped and reported. Considered independently of parent factors, the children most likely to get hit are those with frequent impulsive misbehavior, such as ADHD, where our counseling to distinguish intentional from ADHD-related behaviors is most crucial. Anxious children likely take hitting to heart.
Specific strategies
We can’t just count on words and a handout to counter reflexes to hit, although these have some proven benefit. We have to convince parents to take action on other invisible health conditions such as high cholesterol or blood pressure, prescribing difficult changes in family diet and exercise. While these are also challenging they are not fraught with similar emotion. Parents resorting to hitting are more likely to be depressed, stressed, or have their own histories of ACEs. While we need to advise parents in practical strategies, we need to do this while attending to their strong feelings, family loyalty, frustration with the child’s misbehavior, and personal context, not just the facts about adverse outcomes.
Before it must come eliciting a specific example (What would s/he have to do to get hit? How did it work?), empathy with their pain (That sounds really [upsetting, frustrating, embarrassing]), problem solving (What have you tried so far? What has worked best?), and connecting to family opinions (What do your parents/partner say about this? How would your/his or her parents have handled this when you/he or she were growing up?).
Often advice for daily irrevocable special time and quick attention to desirable bits of behavior are first steps to breaking negative parent-child cycles. When a behavior requires intervention, eye contact at child level, acknowledgment of the child’s point of view, brief explanation of why a behavior is not okay, and an age- and offense-relevant consequence (removal of toy, time out, chore card, loss of privileges) have best evidence for reducing misbehavior over time. Letting them know that smaller consequences work better than larger ones is a relief for both child and parent!
The new AAP policy article has references for parenting programs, videos, and handouts – all good ideas. But parents are more likely to make the effort to use these resources when you develop understanding of their situation without judging them, explain reasons for choosing noncorporal discipline, provide evidence-based alternatives, and offer return visits to support them in changing their ways.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She reported no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
References
1. Pediatrics. 2018 Dec 1;142[6]: e20183112.
2. J Youth Adolesc. 2015 Mar;44(3):658-69.
3. Child Abuse Negl. 2017 Sep;71:24-31.
4. Neuroimage. 2009 Aug;47 Suppl 2:T66-71.
The American Academy of Pediatrics recently issued an updated policy statement on discipline,1 calling for us to teach parents not to use corporal punishment or verbally abuse their children. While a 2016 survey of 787 pediatricians found only 6% endorsed spanking as a positive, and, in a 2013 Harris Poll, fewer parents (72%) endorsed spanking, compared with 87% in 1995, we still have a lot of work to do given the even clearer adverse effects of painful discipline.
One of the difficult things about teaching parents to stop corporal punishment is that it works. A smack instantly stops many misbehaviors, but, when asked closely, parents admit that the pause is only about 10 minutes. Instant results are highly reinforcing, and smacking gives welcome emotional release for adults. Most parents who hit their children also were hit growing up. Hitting seems a natural and appropriate method of parenting because this is what their own beloved parents did. Hitting is not a logical decision but a reflex reinforced by early and current experiences.
Another barrier to stopping hitting is that, while some adverse effects appear immediately, most occur later. Immediate effects of the child screaming, telling the parent “I hate you,” throwing things, or stomping to their room may upset the parent, but also may be seen as signs that their action was effective, if retribution is their unconscious goal. Parenting comes at you like a fire hose, and our visits with families can be a special opportunity for reflection on their goals and how well their methods are working.
We can help parents see the later effects appearing hours or days after the hitting. Children feel degraded by spanking, and they may talk back; act sassy; refuse to follow directions or cooperate; and be mean to siblings, pets, or peers. Wait, you say, those were the behaviors the parent cited for hitting the child in the first place! This “hit, act up, hit” cycle perpetuating corporal punishment2 may be invisible to the parent.
Corporal punishment effects
“But he knows I love him,” parents will say, “and he respects me because of the way I have raised him.” Those things may be true, but the residual of loving combined with fearing has been shown to result in adulthood with increased aggression towards loved ones, including child abuse, partner violence, and sadistic sexual behaviors.
We can explain the much-later effects of corporal punishment: A child who experiences pain from the person they love and count on the most in life may develop very mixed feelings in future relationships. Especially if the pain was not countered by affection and admiration from the parent most of the time, the child may become aggressive; numb to others and to him/herself; and develop low self-esteem, learning difficulties, and depression or other mental health disorders. In some cases, the emotionally wounded child is driven to cause similar pain in others through mean acts, stealing things, hurting animals, and violence. “People hurt me so I am going to hurt them” is their unconscious path. As an adult, coping with old hurts may include numbing it with alcohol, drugs, overeating, smoking, or excessive sexual activities.
Do these sound like the familiar aftereffects of having adverse childhood experiences (ACE)? In fact, data from the original ACEs group who were recalling their childhoods showed that corporal punishment had a similar but independent impact as abuse, increasing suicide, and alcohol and substance use disorder.3 And the brain changes on MRIs of children with repeated corporal punishment had similar reductions of the prefrontal cortex and similar abnormalities of stress-related cortisol release.4
Parents commonly counter our advice not to hit their child by saying they were spanked and “came out okay.” But as for other medical problems, the effects of corporal punishment vary from child to child. Feelings are more easily and permanently damaged for some than for others, and we cannot predict who will have the worst outcomes. We do know that hitting is more harmful if not counteracted with affection, that more arbitrary hitting is worse than planned hitting for breaking prespecified rules, that more frequent hitting over time and to a later age has worse outcome, and that effects are smaller in studies of African Americans. Abuse, most often an acceleration of a disciplinary encounter, of course must be stopped and reported. Considered independently of parent factors, the children most likely to get hit are those with frequent impulsive misbehavior, such as ADHD, where our counseling to distinguish intentional from ADHD-related behaviors is most crucial. Anxious children likely take hitting to heart.
Specific strategies
We can’t just count on words and a handout to counter reflexes to hit, although these have some proven benefit. We have to convince parents to take action on other invisible health conditions such as high cholesterol or blood pressure, prescribing difficult changes in family diet and exercise. While these are also challenging they are not fraught with similar emotion. Parents resorting to hitting are more likely to be depressed, stressed, or have their own histories of ACEs. While we need to advise parents in practical strategies, we need to do this while attending to their strong feelings, family loyalty, frustration with the child’s misbehavior, and personal context, not just the facts about adverse outcomes.
Before it must come eliciting a specific example (What would s/he have to do to get hit? How did it work?), empathy with their pain (That sounds really [upsetting, frustrating, embarrassing]), problem solving (What have you tried so far? What has worked best?), and connecting to family opinions (What do your parents/partner say about this? How would your/his or her parents have handled this when you/he or she were growing up?).
Often advice for daily irrevocable special time and quick attention to desirable bits of behavior are first steps to breaking negative parent-child cycles. When a behavior requires intervention, eye contact at child level, acknowledgment of the child’s point of view, brief explanation of why a behavior is not okay, and an age- and offense-relevant consequence (removal of toy, time out, chore card, loss of privileges) have best evidence for reducing misbehavior over time. Letting them know that smaller consequences work better than larger ones is a relief for both child and parent!
The new AAP policy article has references for parenting programs, videos, and handouts – all good ideas. But parents are more likely to make the effort to use these resources when you develop understanding of their situation without judging them, explain reasons for choosing noncorporal discipline, provide evidence-based alternatives, and offer return visits to support them in changing their ways.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She reported no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
References
1. Pediatrics. 2018 Dec 1;142[6]: e20183112.
2. J Youth Adolesc. 2015 Mar;44(3):658-69.
3. Child Abuse Negl. 2017 Sep;71:24-31.
4. Neuroimage. 2009 Aug;47 Suppl 2:T66-71.
Ghost busting in pediatric primary care
As clinicians trained in the care of children, we have struggled in recent years with how much care is appropriate to provide to the parents of our young charges.
Gradual progression has occurred from recognizing postpartum depression as affecting infants, to recommending screening, to creation of a billing code for screening as “for the benefit of” the child, and increasingly even being paid for that code. We now see referral of depressed parents as within our scope of practice with the goal of protecting the child’s emotional development from the caregiver’s altered mental condition, as well as relieving the parent’s suffering. Some of us even provide treatment ourselves.
While the family history has been our standard way of assessing “transgenerational transmission” of risk for physical and mental health conditions, parenting practices are a more direct transmission threat, and one more amenable to our intervention.
Aversive parenting acts happen to many people growing up, but how the parent thinks about these seems to make the difference between consciously protecting the child from similar experiences or unconsciously playing them out in the child’s life. With 64% of U.S. adults reporting at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), many of which were acts or omissions by their parents, we need to be vigilant to track their translation of past events, “the ghosts,” into present parenting.
Just ask
“I barely have time to talk about the child,” you may be saying, “how can I have time to dig into the parent’s issues, much less know what to do?” Exploring for connections to the parent’s past in primary care is most crucial when the parent-child relationship is strained, or the parent’s handling of typical or problematic child behaviors is abnormal, clinically symptomatic, or dangerous. Nonetheless, helping all parents make these connections enriches life and meaning for families, and dramatically strengthens the doctor-family relationship. Then all of our care is more effective.
In my experience, this valuable connection is not difficult to make – it lives just below the surface for most parents. We may want to ask permission first, noting that “our ideas about how to parent tend to be shaped by how we were parented.” By simply asking, “May I ask how your parents would have handled this [behavior or situation]?” we may hear a description of a reasonable approach (sent to my room), denial that this ever came up (I was never as hardheaded as this kid!), blanking out (Things were tough. I have tried to block it all out), or clues to a pattern better not repeated (Oh, my father would have beat me ...). This question also may be useful in elucidating cultural or generational differences between what was done to them and their own intentions that can be hard to bridge. All of these are opportunities for promoting positive parenting by creating empathy for that child of the past to carry forward to the own child in the present.
While we may be lucky to have even one parent at the visit, we should ask the one present the equivalent question of the partner’s past. Even if one parent had a model that he or she wanted to emulate or a ghost to bust, the other may not agree. Conflict between partners undermines management and can create harmful tension. If the parent does not know, this is an important homework assignment to being collaborative coparents.
Empathize
After hearing about the past experiences, we should empathize with the parent regarding pain experienced as a child in the past (“That would be very scary for any child”) and ask “How much is this a burden for you now?” to see if help is needed. But this is a key educational moment for us as child development experts to suggest how children of the age they were then might process the events. For example, one might explain reaction to abandonment by a father by saying, “Any 6-year-old whose father left would feel sad and mad, but also might think he had done something wrong or wasn’t worth staying around for.” One might react to a story of abusive discipline by saying, “Children need to feel safe and protected at home. Not knowing when your parent is going to hurt you could produce lifelong anxiety and trouble trusting your closest relationships.” Watch to see if this connects for them.
Selma Fraiberg, in the classic article “Ghosts in the Nursery,”1 noted that if parents have come to empathize with their past hurting selves, they will work to prevent similar pain for their own children. If they have dealt with these experiences by identifying with the aggressive or neglectful adult or blanking the memory, they are more likely to act out similar practices with their children.
For some, being able to tolerate reviewing these painful times enough to experience empathy for the child may require years of work with a trusted therapist. We should be prepared to refer if the parents are in distress. But for many, getting our help to understand how a child might feel and later act after these experiences may be enough to interrupt the transmission. We can try to elicit current impact of the past (“How are those experiences affecting your parenting now?”). This question, expecting impact, often causes parents to stop short and think. While at first denying impact, if I have been compassionate and nonjudgmental in asking, they often return with more insight.
Help with parenting issues
After eliciting perceptions of the past, I find it useful to ask, “So, what have (the two of) you decided” about how to manage [the problematic parenting situation]?” The implication is that parenting actions are decisions. Making this decision process overt may reveal that they are having blank out moments of impulsive action, or ambivalence with thoughts and feelings in conflict, or arguments resulting in standoffs. A common reaction to hurts in the past is for parents to strongly avoid doing as their own parents did, but then have no plan at all, get increasingly emotional, and finally blow up and scream or hit or storm off ineffectually. We can help them pick out one or two stressful situations, often perceived disrespect or defiance by the child, and plan steps for when it comes up again – as hot-button issues always do. It is important to let them know that their “emotion brain” is likely to speak up first under stress and the “thinking brain” takes longer. We, and they, need to be patient and congratulate them for little bits of progress in having rationality win.
Don’t forget that children adapt to the parenting they receive and develop reactions that may interfere with seeing their parents in a new mode of trust and kindness. A child may have defended him/herself from the emotional pain of not feeling safe or protected by the parent who is acting out a ghost and may react by laughing, running, spitting, hitting, shutting down, pushing the parent away, or saying “I don’t care.” The child’s reaction, too, takes time and consistent responsiveness to change to accept new parenting patterns. It can be painful to the newly-aware parents to recognize these behaviors are caused, at least in part, by their own actions, especially when it is a repetition of their own childhood experiences. We can be the patient, empathic coach – believing in their good intentions as they develop as parents – just as they would have wanted from their parents when they were growing up.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert for MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Reference
1. “Ghosts in the Nursery: A Psychoanalytic Approach to the Problems of Impaired Infant-Mother Relationships,” J Am Acad Child Psychiatry. 1975 Summer;14(3);387-421.
As clinicians trained in the care of children, we have struggled in recent years with how much care is appropriate to provide to the parents of our young charges.
Gradual progression has occurred from recognizing postpartum depression as affecting infants, to recommending screening, to creation of a billing code for screening as “for the benefit of” the child, and increasingly even being paid for that code. We now see referral of depressed parents as within our scope of practice with the goal of protecting the child’s emotional development from the caregiver’s altered mental condition, as well as relieving the parent’s suffering. Some of us even provide treatment ourselves.
While the family history has been our standard way of assessing “transgenerational transmission” of risk for physical and mental health conditions, parenting practices are a more direct transmission threat, and one more amenable to our intervention.
Aversive parenting acts happen to many people growing up, but how the parent thinks about these seems to make the difference between consciously protecting the child from similar experiences or unconsciously playing them out in the child’s life. With 64% of U.S. adults reporting at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), many of which were acts or omissions by their parents, we need to be vigilant to track their translation of past events, “the ghosts,” into present parenting.
Just ask
“I barely have time to talk about the child,” you may be saying, “how can I have time to dig into the parent’s issues, much less know what to do?” Exploring for connections to the parent’s past in primary care is most crucial when the parent-child relationship is strained, or the parent’s handling of typical or problematic child behaviors is abnormal, clinically symptomatic, or dangerous. Nonetheless, helping all parents make these connections enriches life and meaning for families, and dramatically strengthens the doctor-family relationship. Then all of our care is more effective.
In my experience, this valuable connection is not difficult to make – it lives just below the surface for most parents. We may want to ask permission first, noting that “our ideas about how to parent tend to be shaped by how we were parented.” By simply asking, “May I ask how your parents would have handled this [behavior or situation]?” we may hear a description of a reasonable approach (sent to my room), denial that this ever came up (I was never as hardheaded as this kid!), blanking out (Things were tough. I have tried to block it all out), or clues to a pattern better not repeated (Oh, my father would have beat me ...). This question also may be useful in elucidating cultural or generational differences between what was done to them and their own intentions that can be hard to bridge. All of these are opportunities for promoting positive parenting by creating empathy for that child of the past to carry forward to the own child in the present.
While we may be lucky to have even one parent at the visit, we should ask the one present the equivalent question of the partner’s past. Even if one parent had a model that he or she wanted to emulate or a ghost to bust, the other may not agree. Conflict between partners undermines management and can create harmful tension. If the parent does not know, this is an important homework assignment to being collaborative coparents.
Empathize
After hearing about the past experiences, we should empathize with the parent regarding pain experienced as a child in the past (“That would be very scary for any child”) and ask “How much is this a burden for you now?” to see if help is needed. But this is a key educational moment for us as child development experts to suggest how children of the age they were then might process the events. For example, one might explain reaction to abandonment by a father by saying, “Any 6-year-old whose father left would feel sad and mad, but also might think he had done something wrong or wasn’t worth staying around for.” One might react to a story of abusive discipline by saying, “Children need to feel safe and protected at home. Not knowing when your parent is going to hurt you could produce lifelong anxiety and trouble trusting your closest relationships.” Watch to see if this connects for them.
Selma Fraiberg, in the classic article “Ghosts in the Nursery,”1 noted that if parents have come to empathize with their past hurting selves, they will work to prevent similar pain for their own children. If they have dealt with these experiences by identifying with the aggressive or neglectful adult or blanking the memory, they are more likely to act out similar practices with their children.
For some, being able to tolerate reviewing these painful times enough to experience empathy for the child may require years of work with a trusted therapist. We should be prepared to refer if the parents are in distress. But for many, getting our help to understand how a child might feel and later act after these experiences may be enough to interrupt the transmission. We can try to elicit current impact of the past (“How are those experiences affecting your parenting now?”). This question, expecting impact, often causes parents to stop short and think. While at first denying impact, if I have been compassionate and nonjudgmental in asking, they often return with more insight.
Help with parenting issues
After eliciting perceptions of the past, I find it useful to ask, “So, what have (the two of) you decided” about how to manage [the problematic parenting situation]?” The implication is that parenting actions are decisions. Making this decision process overt may reveal that they are having blank out moments of impulsive action, or ambivalence with thoughts and feelings in conflict, or arguments resulting in standoffs. A common reaction to hurts in the past is for parents to strongly avoid doing as their own parents did, but then have no plan at all, get increasingly emotional, and finally blow up and scream or hit or storm off ineffectually. We can help them pick out one or two stressful situations, often perceived disrespect or defiance by the child, and plan steps for when it comes up again – as hot-button issues always do. It is important to let them know that their “emotion brain” is likely to speak up first under stress and the “thinking brain” takes longer. We, and they, need to be patient and congratulate them for little bits of progress in having rationality win.
Don’t forget that children adapt to the parenting they receive and develop reactions that may interfere with seeing their parents in a new mode of trust and kindness. A child may have defended him/herself from the emotional pain of not feeling safe or protected by the parent who is acting out a ghost and may react by laughing, running, spitting, hitting, shutting down, pushing the parent away, or saying “I don’t care.” The child’s reaction, too, takes time and consistent responsiveness to change to accept new parenting patterns. It can be painful to the newly-aware parents to recognize these behaviors are caused, at least in part, by their own actions, especially when it is a repetition of their own childhood experiences. We can be the patient, empathic coach – believing in their good intentions as they develop as parents – just as they would have wanted from their parents when they were growing up.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert for MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Reference
1. “Ghosts in the Nursery: A Psychoanalytic Approach to the Problems of Impaired Infant-Mother Relationships,” J Am Acad Child Psychiatry. 1975 Summer;14(3);387-421.
As clinicians trained in the care of children, we have struggled in recent years with how much care is appropriate to provide to the parents of our young charges.
Gradual progression has occurred from recognizing postpartum depression as affecting infants, to recommending screening, to creation of a billing code for screening as “for the benefit of” the child, and increasingly even being paid for that code. We now see referral of depressed parents as within our scope of practice with the goal of protecting the child’s emotional development from the caregiver’s altered mental condition, as well as relieving the parent’s suffering. Some of us even provide treatment ourselves.
While the family history has been our standard way of assessing “transgenerational transmission” of risk for physical and mental health conditions, parenting practices are a more direct transmission threat, and one more amenable to our intervention.
Aversive parenting acts happen to many people growing up, but how the parent thinks about these seems to make the difference between consciously protecting the child from similar experiences or unconsciously playing them out in the child’s life. With 64% of U.S. adults reporting at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), many of which were acts or omissions by their parents, we need to be vigilant to track their translation of past events, “the ghosts,” into present parenting.
Just ask
“I barely have time to talk about the child,” you may be saying, “how can I have time to dig into the parent’s issues, much less know what to do?” Exploring for connections to the parent’s past in primary care is most crucial when the parent-child relationship is strained, or the parent’s handling of typical or problematic child behaviors is abnormal, clinically symptomatic, or dangerous. Nonetheless, helping all parents make these connections enriches life and meaning for families, and dramatically strengthens the doctor-family relationship. Then all of our care is more effective.
In my experience, this valuable connection is not difficult to make – it lives just below the surface for most parents. We may want to ask permission first, noting that “our ideas about how to parent tend to be shaped by how we were parented.” By simply asking, “May I ask how your parents would have handled this [behavior or situation]?” we may hear a description of a reasonable approach (sent to my room), denial that this ever came up (I was never as hardheaded as this kid!), blanking out (Things were tough. I have tried to block it all out), or clues to a pattern better not repeated (Oh, my father would have beat me ...). This question also may be useful in elucidating cultural or generational differences between what was done to them and their own intentions that can be hard to bridge. All of these are opportunities for promoting positive parenting by creating empathy for that child of the past to carry forward to the own child in the present.
While we may be lucky to have even one parent at the visit, we should ask the one present the equivalent question of the partner’s past. Even if one parent had a model that he or she wanted to emulate or a ghost to bust, the other may not agree. Conflict between partners undermines management and can create harmful tension. If the parent does not know, this is an important homework assignment to being collaborative coparents.
Empathize
After hearing about the past experiences, we should empathize with the parent regarding pain experienced as a child in the past (“That would be very scary for any child”) and ask “How much is this a burden for you now?” to see if help is needed. But this is a key educational moment for us as child development experts to suggest how children of the age they were then might process the events. For example, one might explain reaction to abandonment by a father by saying, “Any 6-year-old whose father left would feel sad and mad, but also might think he had done something wrong or wasn’t worth staying around for.” One might react to a story of abusive discipline by saying, “Children need to feel safe and protected at home. Not knowing when your parent is going to hurt you could produce lifelong anxiety and trouble trusting your closest relationships.” Watch to see if this connects for them.
Selma Fraiberg, in the classic article “Ghosts in the Nursery,”1 noted that if parents have come to empathize with their past hurting selves, they will work to prevent similar pain for their own children. If they have dealt with these experiences by identifying with the aggressive or neglectful adult or blanking the memory, they are more likely to act out similar practices with their children.
For some, being able to tolerate reviewing these painful times enough to experience empathy for the child may require years of work with a trusted therapist. We should be prepared to refer if the parents are in distress. But for many, getting our help to understand how a child might feel and later act after these experiences may be enough to interrupt the transmission. We can try to elicit current impact of the past (“How are those experiences affecting your parenting now?”). This question, expecting impact, often causes parents to stop short and think. While at first denying impact, if I have been compassionate and nonjudgmental in asking, they often return with more insight.
Help with parenting issues
After eliciting perceptions of the past, I find it useful to ask, “So, what have (the two of) you decided” about how to manage [the problematic parenting situation]?” The implication is that parenting actions are decisions. Making this decision process overt may reveal that they are having blank out moments of impulsive action, or ambivalence with thoughts and feelings in conflict, or arguments resulting in standoffs. A common reaction to hurts in the past is for parents to strongly avoid doing as their own parents did, but then have no plan at all, get increasingly emotional, and finally blow up and scream or hit or storm off ineffectually. We can help them pick out one or two stressful situations, often perceived disrespect or defiance by the child, and plan steps for when it comes up again – as hot-button issues always do. It is important to let them know that their “emotion brain” is likely to speak up first under stress and the “thinking brain” takes longer. We, and they, need to be patient and congratulate them for little bits of progress in having rationality win.
Don’t forget that children adapt to the parenting they receive and develop reactions that may interfere with seeing their parents in a new mode of trust and kindness. A child may have defended him/herself from the emotional pain of not feeling safe or protected by the parent who is acting out a ghost and may react by laughing, running, spitting, hitting, shutting down, pushing the parent away, or saying “I don’t care.” The child’s reaction, too, takes time and consistent responsiveness to change to accept new parenting patterns. It can be painful to the newly-aware parents to recognize these behaviors are caused, at least in part, by their own actions, especially when it is a repetition of their own childhood experiences. We can be the patient, empathic coach – believing in their good intentions as they develop as parents – just as they would have wanted from their parents when they were growing up.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert for MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Reference
1. “Ghosts in the Nursery: A Psychoanalytic Approach to the Problems of Impaired Infant-Mother Relationships,” J Am Acad Child Psychiatry. 1975 Summer;14(3);387-421.
How to help crying infants
Babies evolved to cry to get their needs met and adults evolved to be aroused by the sound. Perfect match, right? But crying/fussing was rated the No. 1 hardest part of parenting for 0- to 3-year-olds in our data from more than 68,000 parents.
As clinicians, we become amazingly immune to the crying in our offices, but hopefully not to crying as a concern of parents. Our training directs us to look for pathology such as under- or overfeeding, infection, gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), volvulus, a hair tourniquet, or an injury as causes of crying. Having ruled these out, the bigger task is making sure that parents learn to read their infants’ crying and find ways to console them. Learning to handle crying can be tense, frustrating, and upsetting for parents, but success is ultimately satisfying and an important part of the reciprocal interaction that builds attachment for both parent and child.
“Developmental crying” is a great term for explaining crying in the first 3 months to families, as it is age related. The acronym PURPLE was created to teach about this normal crying.
- “P” is for peak of crying – babies may cry more each week, most in month 2, then less in months 3-5.
- “U” is for unexpected – crying can come and go without explanation.
- “R” is for resists soothing – babies may not stop crying no matter what is tried.
- “P” is for pain-like face – babies appear to be in pain, even if they are not.
- “L” is for long lasting – crying can last 5 hours a day or more.
- “E” is for evening – the baby might cry more in the late afternoon and evening.
The 1- to 2-week visit is a key time to teach parents about the expected upcoming crying and ways to manage it. I lean on the evidence-based steps for soothing, using the 5 S’s described by Harvey Karp, MD, based on the wisdom of T. Berry Brazelton, MD. These include:
- Swaddling in a wrap that constrains arms and legs.
- Side or stomach holding (but not for sleeping).
- Shushing sounds of voice, radio static, fan, air conditioner, or car ride.
- Swinging gently (point out to never shake a baby).
- Sucking on a pacifier, finger, or hand.
Because babies change state slowly and also respond to high caregiver emotion such as anxiety, it is important for parents to take some deep breaths and give each “S” several minutes to have an effect.
Some of our patients will go beyond typical crying to colic, defined as crying for at least 3 hours per day, at least 3 days per week, starting before 3 months post term. While typically easing by age 3 months, colic can in nightmare cases persist to age 1 year. Needless to say, prolonged crying can be an enormous stress for families. Researchers in the Fussy Baby Network consulting on infant crying have found value in a family prescription for REST: Reassurance, Empathy, Support, and Time away. Reassurance that the child is not ill should be provided after a careful history, including asking why parents think the baby is crying, and a physical exam, even if we think we can tell at a glance that the baby is okay. Remember that every parent’s first concern is whether the baby is okay, and crying indicates otherwise. Parents are counting on us for a thorough exam before we reassure them. Exhausted new parents deserve empathy – acknowledgment of how difficult, scary, and maddening it is to not be able to console their newborns.
While friends are saying “You must be so happy!” after a child is born, ambivalence (What have I done to my life?) is very common, but not easy to admit. We can point out that the typical age at which parents report “loving” their infants is actually more like 6 weeks, when they finally smile! To acknowledge ambivalence, I may say, “When you feel like throwing him out the window, it’s okay to lay him in the crib and put on headphones for a few minutes.” Music, meditation, yoga, or exercise are break activities that also can reduce parent stress.
Support for the parents is one of the most important protections for children at all ages, but can’t be assumed. Unfortunately, crying tends to increase beginning at 2 weeks post term, right when the partner returns to work or relatives leave. It is important to ask, “Who is helping you with the baby?” Just having a partner doesn’t mean that person is taking a turn! Fathers may be afraid of holding a baby, or may have no experience and try to defer. We need to encourage fathers in all aspects of care but especially to “find at least one way to console your baby.” Sometimes mothers “rescue” dads too quickly. While mothers may have both more experience with infants and the magic of breastfeeding for consoling, depriving fathers of working through the struggle of managing crying can result in their developing less confidence in caregiving. It also can cause them to miss out on supporting the mother at this delicate time, a chance to profoundly strengthen the partnership.
Taking into account the importance for parents of finding ways to console crying babies, getting some “time away” can be helpful, especially if crying goes on for months. Maybe those friends who asked, “What can I do to help?” could come over for an hour in the evening (peak crying time) to hold the baby. This also can be a chance for parent time together, a newly rare commodity.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Babies evolved to cry to get their needs met and adults evolved to be aroused by the sound. Perfect match, right? But crying/fussing was rated the No. 1 hardest part of parenting for 0- to 3-year-olds in our data from more than 68,000 parents.
As clinicians, we become amazingly immune to the crying in our offices, but hopefully not to crying as a concern of parents. Our training directs us to look for pathology such as under- or overfeeding, infection, gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), volvulus, a hair tourniquet, or an injury as causes of crying. Having ruled these out, the bigger task is making sure that parents learn to read their infants’ crying and find ways to console them. Learning to handle crying can be tense, frustrating, and upsetting for parents, but success is ultimately satisfying and an important part of the reciprocal interaction that builds attachment for both parent and child.
“Developmental crying” is a great term for explaining crying in the first 3 months to families, as it is age related. The acronym PURPLE was created to teach about this normal crying.
- “P” is for peak of crying – babies may cry more each week, most in month 2, then less in months 3-5.
- “U” is for unexpected – crying can come and go without explanation.
- “R” is for resists soothing – babies may not stop crying no matter what is tried.
- “P” is for pain-like face – babies appear to be in pain, even if they are not.
- “L” is for long lasting – crying can last 5 hours a day or more.
- “E” is for evening – the baby might cry more in the late afternoon and evening.
The 1- to 2-week visit is a key time to teach parents about the expected upcoming crying and ways to manage it. I lean on the evidence-based steps for soothing, using the 5 S’s described by Harvey Karp, MD, based on the wisdom of T. Berry Brazelton, MD. These include:
- Swaddling in a wrap that constrains arms and legs.
- Side or stomach holding (but not for sleeping).
- Shushing sounds of voice, radio static, fan, air conditioner, or car ride.
- Swinging gently (point out to never shake a baby).
- Sucking on a pacifier, finger, or hand.
Because babies change state slowly and also respond to high caregiver emotion such as anxiety, it is important for parents to take some deep breaths and give each “S” several minutes to have an effect.
Some of our patients will go beyond typical crying to colic, defined as crying for at least 3 hours per day, at least 3 days per week, starting before 3 months post term. While typically easing by age 3 months, colic can in nightmare cases persist to age 1 year. Needless to say, prolonged crying can be an enormous stress for families. Researchers in the Fussy Baby Network consulting on infant crying have found value in a family prescription for REST: Reassurance, Empathy, Support, and Time away. Reassurance that the child is not ill should be provided after a careful history, including asking why parents think the baby is crying, and a physical exam, even if we think we can tell at a glance that the baby is okay. Remember that every parent’s first concern is whether the baby is okay, and crying indicates otherwise. Parents are counting on us for a thorough exam before we reassure them. Exhausted new parents deserve empathy – acknowledgment of how difficult, scary, and maddening it is to not be able to console their newborns.
While friends are saying “You must be so happy!” after a child is born, ambivalence (What have I done to my life?) is very common, but not easy to admit. We can point out that the typical age at which parents report “loving” their infants is actually more like 6 weeks, when they finally smile! To acknowledge ambivalence, I may say, “When you feel like throwing him out the window, it’s okay to lay him in the crib and put on headphones for a few minutes.” Music, meditation, yoga, or exercise are break activities that also can reduce parent stress.
Support for the parents is one of the most important protections for children at all ages, but can’t be assumed. Unfortunately, crying tends to increase beginning at 2 weeks post term, right when the partner returns to work or relatives leave. It is important to ask, “Who is helping you with the baby?” Just having a partner doesn’t mean that person is taking a turn! Fathers may be afraid of holding a baby, or may have no experience and try to defer. We need to encourage fathers in all aspects of care but especially to “find at least one way to console your baby.” Sometimes mothers “rescue” dads too quickly. While mothers may have both more experience with infants and the magic of breastfeeding for consoling, depriving fathers of working through the struggle of managing crying can result in their developing less confidence in caregiving. It also can cause them to miss out on supporting the mother at this delicate time, a chance to profoundly strengthen the partnership.
Taking into account the importance for parents of finding ways to console crying babies, getting some “time away” can be helpful, especially if crying goes on for months. Maybe those friends who asked, “What can I do to help?” could come over for an hour in the evening (peak crying time) to hold the baby. This also can be a chance for parent time together, a newly rare commodity.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Babies evolved to cry to get their needs met and adults evolved to be aroused by the sound. Perfect match, right? But crying/fussing was rated the No. 1 hardest part of parenting for 0- to 3-year-olds in our data from more than 68,000 parents.
As clinicians, we become amazingly immune to the crying in our offices, but hopefully not to crying as a concern of parents. Our training directs us to look for pathology such as under- or overfeeding, infection, gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), volvulus, a hair tourniquet, or an injury as causes of crying. Having ruled these out, the bigger task is making sure that parents learn to read their infants’ crying and find ways to console them. Learning to handle crying can be tense, frustrating, and upsetting for parents, but success is ultimately satisfying and an important part of the reciprocal interaction that builds attachment for both parent and child.
“Developmental crying” is a great term for explaining crying in the first 3 months to families, as it is age related. The acronym PURPLE was created to teach about this normal crying.
- “P” is for peak of crying – babies may cry more each week, most in month 2, then less in months 3-5.
- “U” is for unexpected – crying can come and go without explanation.
- “R” is for resists soothing – babies may not stop crying no matter what is tried.
- “P” is for pain-like face – babies appear to be in pain, even if they are not.
- “L” is for long lasting – crying can last 5 hours a day or more.
- “E” is for evening – the baby might cry more in the late afternoon and evening.
The 1- to 2-week visit is a key time to teach parents about the expected upcoming crying and ways to manage it. I lean on the evidence-based steps for soothing, using the 5 S’s described by Harvey Karp, MD, based on the wisdom of T. Berry Brazelton, MD. These include:
- Swaddling in a wrap that constrains arms and legs.
- Side or stomach holding (but not for sleeping).
- Shushing sounds of voice, radio static, fan, air conditioner, or car ride.
- Swinging gently (point out to never shake a baby).
- Sucking on a pacifier, finger, or hand.
Because babies change state slowly and also respond to high caregiver emotion such as anxiety, it is important for parents to take some deep breaths and give each “S” several minutes to have an effect.
Some of our patients will go beyond typical crying to colic, defined as crying for at least 3 hours per day, at least 3 days per week, starting before 3 months post term. While typically easing by age 3 months, colic can in nightmare cases persist to age 1 year. Needless to say, prolonged crying can be an enormous stress for families. Researchers in the Fussy Baby Network consulting on infant crying have found value in a family prescription for REST: Reassurance, Empathy, Support, and Time away. Reassurance that the child is not ill should be provided after a careful history, including asking why parents think the baby is crying, and a physical exam, even if we think we can tell at a glance that the baby is okay. Remember that every parent’s first concern is whether the baby is okay, and crying indicates otherwise. Parents are counting on us for a thorough exam before we reassure them. Exhausted new parents deserve empathy – acknowledgment of how difficult, scary, and maddening it is to not be able to console their newborns.
While friends are saying “You must be so happy!” after a child is born, ambivalence (What have I done to my life?) is very common, but not easy to admit. We can point out that the typical age at which parents report “loving” their infants is actually more like 6 weeks, when they finally smile! To acknowledge ambivalence, I may say, “When you feel like throwing him out the window, it’s okay to lay him in the crib and put on headphones for a few minutes.” Music, meditation, yoga, or exercise are break activities that also can reduce parent stress.
Support for the parents is one of the most important protections for children at all ages, but can’t be assumed. Unfortunately, crying tends to increase beginning at 2 weeks post term, right when the partner returns to work or relatives leave. It is important to ask, “Who is helping you with the baby?” Just having a partner doesn’t mean that person is taking a turn! Fathers may be afraid of holding a baby, or may have no experience and try to defer. We need to encourage fathers in all aspects of care but especially to “find at least one way to console your baby.” Sometimes mothers “rescue” dads too quickly. While mothers may have both more experience with infants and the magic of breastfeeding for consoling, depriving fathers of working through the struggle of managing crying can result in their developing less confidence in caregiving. It also can cause them to miss out on supporting the mother at this delicate time, a chance to profoundly strengthen the partnership.
Taking into account the importance for parents of finding ways to console crying babies, getting some “time away” can be helpful, especially if crying goes on for months. Maybe those friends who asked, “What can I do to help?” could come over for an hour in the evening (peak crying time) to hold the baby. This also can be a chance for parent time together, a newly rare commodity.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Speaking the unspeakable: Talking to children about parental mental illness
You probably think you know how to talk with a child about death. But somehow talking about a parent’s mental illness may seem more difficult. Even medical professionals, as most people, can find themselves feeling more judgmental or uneasy talking about mental illness than about physical problems. But with a prevalence of about one in four people having mental disorders, we need to be prepared for this discussion.
Sometimes family members, or even parents themselves, have asked me to tell a child about a parent’s mental illness or substance use. They know the child is confused and scared but don’t know what to say about this still-hushed issue. Other times, children’s behaviors show that they are struggling – by their aggression, depression, decline in school performance, anger, anxiety, or running away – and I find out only by asking that they are experiencing life with a mentally ill parent.
Both are times to get more information about the nature of the parent’s symptoms, what is being done about it; what the child has seen, heard, or experienced; the child’s safety; and what intrinsic or cultural attitudes the family has about the problem. It is best if the affected parents themselves are able to talk realistically about the illness with the child. Sometimes we, as pediatric professionals, can help get the conversation started or may need to step in.
Teens can understand the nature of mental illness as a brain disorder, but often have acquired misinformation from peers, the other parent who is hurt and angry, or the Internet that needs to be respectfully corrected. They may be less willing to have such a discussion than would younger children, as they may have experienced verbal or physical aggression from the parent, embarrassment in front of peers, or teasing by classmates. They may have developed coping strategies of writing off the parent, defiance, aggressive responses, or denial.
It is important to find a relaxed moment and begin by saying, “May I ask what you have noticed about your parent’s behavior?” and “What did you make of it?” If they do not answer, you could add, “You know, like acting different or strange.” It is very valuable to be able to name it, if you know the diagnosis, to make the illness more objective. Teens are typically egocentric and wonder if they are prone to develop a similar condition, as well as anxious about who will be there for them if the parent does not get better; both are good questions to address.
Both adolescents and school-aged children are very attuned to when things in life are “unfair,” and having an ill parent certainly qualifies. It is important for whoever has this discussion to empathize, and to acknowledge that it is unfair and that feeling angry, sad, or confused is natural – without giving them permission for misbehavior. It may be easier for some children to have a journal in which to write questions to have an adult answer later. Any child can be given hope by knowing that the parent is getting help (or that you will work on this), especially if the parents themselves say they are trying to get better. The children need to know that although mental illness tends to get better and worse at unexpected times, mental health can be improved. It is essential that children of school age and older have a clear plan for what to do if the parent loses control or is in danger. This might include getting out of the house and calling the parent’s partner, a trusted neighbor, or 911.
While teens may feel guilty about their anger or things they might have said or done in reaction to the ill parent, school-aged and preschool children are more likely to feel guilty that they somehow contributed to the parent’s condition through misbehavior or some imagined influence. Eliciting these thoughts may simply require asking, “What thoughts have you had about why this happened?” or having another family member prompting them by saying, “I have been wondering if there is something I should have done. Have you wondered about that, too?”
What is harder to explain is the impression children may get that their depressed or psychotic or drug-abusing parents no longer love them; and the parents may have said hurtful things to them. School-aged children can be told and can understand an illness of “the feelings and thinking parts of the brain” as being similar to other physical illnesses, such as the flu, that “make people act tired or grouchy or say things they do not mean.” Children of all ages need to be reassured that, inside, their parents still love them, and “it is the illness talking” if they act or speak otherwise. In the case of substance abuse disorders, which might seem more of a choice by the parent than would other mental illnesses, it can be helpful to point out that “drugs and alcohol can be stronger than people and can take over their brains.” The National Alliance on Mental Illness (www.nami.org) offers support programs that may be helpful for older children.
Sometimes families may resist telling a child about parental mental illness because of personal beliefs, cultural stigma, or privacy concerns. I try to emphasize that by being honest in giving children an understanding of their parents’ mental illness, one is helping them trust the adults in their lives. They need the truth and also to practice formulating things to say to counter those who have incorrect ideas, or who insult or make fun of them. They need the truth about mental illness to make sense of their experiences so they can feel lovable and hopeful about their own futures and can recognize illness symptoms in themselves. Giving them words, ensuring their safety and support, and strengthening their coping can help buffer the impact of this common adverse childhood experience to help prevent long-term negative effects.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
You probably think you know how to talk with a child about death. But somehow talking about a parent’s mental illness may seem more difficult. Even medical professionals, as most people, can find themselves feeling more judgmental or uneasy talking about mental illness than about physical problems. But with a prevalence of about one in four people having mental disorders, we need to be prepared for this discussion.
Sometimes family members, or even parents themselves, have asked me to tell a child about a parent’s mental illness or substance use. They know the child is confused and scared but don’t know what to say about this still-hushed issue. Other times, children’s behaviors show that they are struggling – by their aggression, depression, decline in school performance, anger, anxiety, or running away – and I find out only by asking that they are experiencing life with a mentally ill parent.
Both are times to get more information about the nature of the parent’s symptoms, what is being done about it; what the child has seen, heard, or experienced; the child’s safety; and what intrinsic or cultural attitudes the family has about the problem. It is best if the affected parents themselves are able to talk realistically about the illness with the child. Sometimes we, as pediatric professionals, can help get the conversation started or may need to step in.
Teens can understand the nature of mental illness as a brain disorder, but often have acquired misinformation from peers, the other parent who is hurt and angry, or the Internet that needs to be respectfully corrected. They may be less willing to have such a discussion than would younger children, as they may have experienced verbal or physical aggression from the parent, embarrassment in front of peers, or teasing by classmates. They may have developed coping strategies of writing off the parent, defiance, aggressive responses, or denial.
It is important to find a relaxed moment and begin by saying, “May I ask what you have noticed about your parent’s behavior?” and “What did you make of it?” If they do not answer, you could add, “You know, like acting different or strange.” It is very valuable to be able to name it, if you know the diagnosis, to make the illness more objective. Teens are typically egocentric and wonder if they are prone to develop a similar condition, as well as anxious about who will be there for them if the parent does not get better; both are good questions to address.
Both adolescents and school-aged children are very attuned to when things in life are “unfair,” and having an ill parent certainly qualifies. It is important for whoever has this discussion to empathize, and to acknowledge that it is unfair and that feeling angry, sad, or confused is natural – without giving them permission for misbehavior. It may be easier for some children to have a journal in which to write questions to have an adult answer later. Any child can be given hope by knowing that the parent is getting help (or that you will work on this), especially if the parents themselves say they are trying to get better. The children need to know that although mental illness tends to get better and worse at unexpected times, mental health can be improved. It is essential that children of school age and older have a clear plan for what to do if the parent loses control or is in danger. This might include getting out of the house and calling the parent’s partner, a trusted neighbor, or 911.
While teens may feel guilty about their anger or things they might have said or done in reaction to the ill parent, school-aged and preschool children are more likely to feel guilty that they somehow contributed to the parent’s condition through misbehavior or some imagined influence. Eliciting these thoughts may simply require asking, “What thoughts have you had about why this happened?” or having another family member prompting them by saying, “I have been wondering if there is something I should have done. Have you wondered about that, too?”
What is harder to explain is the impression children may get that their depressed or psychotic or drug-abusing parents no longer love them; and the parents may have said hurtful things to them. School-aged children can be told and can understand an illness of “the feelings and thinking parts of the brain” as being similar to other physical illnesses, such as the flu, that “make people act tired or grouchy or say things they do not mean.” Children of all ages need to be reassured that, inside, their parents still love them, and “it is the illness talking” if they act or speak otherwise. In the case of substance abuse disorders, which might seem more of a choice by the parent than would other mental illnesses, it can be helpful to point out that “drugs and alcohol can be stronger than people and can take over their brains.” The National Alliance on Mental Illness (www.nami.org) offers support programs that may be helpful for older children.
Sometimes families may resist telling a child about parental mental illness because of personal beliefs, cultural stigma, or privacy concerns. I try to emphasize that by being honest in giving children an understanding of their parents’ mental illness, one is helping them trust the adults in their lives. They need the truth and also to practice formulating things to say to counter those who have incorrect ideas, or who insult or make fun of them. They need the truth about mental illness to make sense of their experiences so they can feel lovable and hopeful about their own futures and can recognize illness symptoms in themselves. Giving them words, ensuring their safety and support, and strengthening their coping can help buffer the impact of this common adverse childhood experience to help prevent long-term negative effects.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
You probably think you know how to talk with a child about death. But somehow talking about a parent’s mental illness may seem more difficult. Even medical professionals, as most people, can find themselves feeling more judgmental or uneasy talking about mental illness than about physical problems. But with a prevalence of about one in four people having mental disorders, we need to be prepared for this discussion.
Sometimes family members, or even parents themselves, have asked me to tell a child about a parent’s mental illness or substance use. They know the child is confused and scared but don’t know what to say about this still-hushed issue. Other times, children’s behaviors show that they are struggling – by their aggression, depression, decline in school performance, anger, anxiety, or running away – and I find out only by asking that they are experiencing life with a mentally ill parent.
Both are times to get more information about the nature of the parent’s symptoms, what is being done about it; what the child has seen, heard, or experienced; the child’s safety; and what intrinsic or cultural attitudes the family has about the problem. It is best if the affected parents themselves are able to talk realistically about the illness with the child. Sometimes we, as pediatric professionals, can help get the conversation started or may need to step in.
Teens can understand the nature of mental illness as a brain disorder, but often have acquired misinformation from peers, the other parent who is hurt and angry, or the Internet that needs to be respectfully corrected. They may be less willing to have such a discussion than would younger children, as they may have experienced verbal or physical aggression from the parent, embarrassment in front of peers, or teasing by classmates. They may have developed coping strategies of writing off the parent, defiance, aggressive responses, or denial.
It is important to find a relaxed moment and begin by saying, “May I ask what you have noticed about your parent’s behavior?” and “What did you make of it?” If they do not answer, you could add, “You know, like acting different or strange.” It is very valuable to be able to name it, if you know the diagnosis, to make the illness more objective. Teens are typically egocentric and wonder if they are prone to develop a similar condition, as well as anxious about who will be there for them if the parent does not get better; both are good questions to address.
Both adolescents and school-aged children are very attuned to when things in life are “unfair,” and having an ill parent certainly qualifies. It is important for whoever has this discussion to empathize, and to acknowledge that it is unfair and that feeling angry, sad, or confused is natural – without giving them permission for misbehavior. It may be easier for some children to have a journal in which to write questions to have an adult answer later. Any child can be given hope by knowing that the parent is getting help (or that you will work on this), especially if the parents themselves say they are trying to get better. The children need to know that although mental illness tends to get better and worse at unexpected times, mental health can be improved. It is essential that children of school age and older have a clear plan for what to do if the parent loses control or is in danger. This might include getting out of the house and calling the parent’s partner, a trusted neighbor, or 911.
While teens may feel guilty about their anger or things they might have said or done in reaction to the ill parent, school-aged and preschool children are more likely to feel guilty that they somehow contributed to the parent’s condition through misbehavior or some imagined influence. Eliciting these thoughts may simply require asking, “What thoughts have you had about why this happened?” or having another family member prompting them by saying, “I have been wondering if there is something I should have done. Have you wondered about that, too?”
What is harder to explain is the impression children may get that their depressed or psychotic or drug-abusing parents no longer love them; and the parents may have said hurtful things to them. School-aged children can be told and can understand an illness of “the feelings and thinking parts of the brain” as being similar to other physical illnesses, such as the flu, that “make people act tired or grouchy or say things they do not mean.” Children of all ages need to be reassured that, inside, their parents still love them, and “it is the illness talking” if they act or speak otherwise. In the case of substance abuse disorders, which might seem more of a choice by the parent than would other mental illnesses, it can be helpful to point out that “drugs and alcohol can be stronger than people and can take over their brains.” The National Alliance on Mental Illness (www.nami.org) offers support programs that may be helpful for older children.
Sometimes families may resist telling a child about parental mental illness because of personal beliefs, cultural stigma, or privacy concerns. I try to emphasize that by being honest in giving children an understanding of their parents’ mental illness, one is helping them trust the adults in their lives. They need the truth and also to practice formulating things to say to counter those who have incorrect ideas, or who insult or make fun of them. They need the truth about mental illness to make sense of their experiences so they can feel lovable and hopeful about their own futures and can recognize illness symptoms in themselves. Giving them words, ensuring their safety and support, and strengthening their coping can help buffer the impact of this common adverse childhood experience to help prevent long-term negative effects.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Assessing and managing the many faces of childhood trauma
Life is full of traumas, large and small. You know this for yourself as well as for the families and children under your care. The American Academy of Pediatrics provides screening tools for trauma, also called adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). But with 68% of children exposed to a traumatic event before the age of 16 years (Arch Gen Psychiatry. 2007 May; 64[5]:577-84), what is it we should do if we find it?
Smaller traumas, such as a power outage, may frighten but be growth promoting for most children – so called “eustress” – as they see adults bring out flashlights and serve tuna from a can and learn that one can cope with scary, unfamiliar situations. Even with smaller threats some children may have intense fear, especially those already anxiety prone or with developmental differences such as autism or sensory processing disorders.
I suggest that our role when we uncover trauma is to determine if there is current danger (and take action), or if the past trauma is affecting the child’s or parent’s functioning or producing distress. Most people recover from trauma with support from family or community but without formal help.
But we can’t assume a child will recover without help as individual, family, cultural, and historical factors affect a person’s response. Someone with an anxiety disorder, or a victim of war or assault may react disproportionately to even small events. A parent with such sensitizing factors may model poor coping, increase the child’s fear, and fail to provide the support that could buffer development of sequelae. We need to check.
Larger traumas that a child is exposed to or learns about, which threatened or resulted in death or injury – such as a destructive tornado – or sexual violence can produce lasting effects, and 25%-69% develop posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). For preschoolers, car crashes, dog bites, and medical procedures can also be causative. To be diagnosed with PTSD, a combination and number of symptoms must appear as a result of the trauma, including: re-experiencing the event (1); avoidance of things that remind one of the event (1); arousal or reactivity (2); and negative change in thoughts or feelings (2).
“PTSD in preschool children” (DMS-5) requires 0 re-experiencing, and only 1 avoidance or negative thoughts/feelings symptom as it is harder to discern at this age. The jumpiness of reactivity can disrupt activities and often sleep. The cognitive changes can include forgetting details about the event, decline in ability to pay attention or do school work, or distorted or negative thoughts such as feeling blame. Besides anxiety or depression, mood changes can include dulled emotions or social withdrawal. These symptoms are important for us to recognize.
To be diagnosed, PTSD symptoms must impair functioning and last more than 1 month. So why are families not telling us? While symptoms usually appear within 3 months, it may be months or even years, especially for early traumas such as sexual abuse as the child cannot put the experience into context until later when sexuality becomes relevant. This delay in onset is one reason parents may not report a trauma when complaining about a behavior change. When the trauma also affected them, common in both natural disasters and psychosocial events such as partner violence, the parent may have the related forgetting or depression focusing them on their own pain rather than their child’s pain. These are important reasons to ask about possible traumas of child and parent, giving examples, when a child presents with a behavior, emotional, learning, or somatic complaint.
Children under age 6 years often respond to trauma by regressing, such as wetting the bed, losing speech or a recent milestone, or clinginess. They also may reenact the event repeatedly in play. These are important symptoms to know because parents may think it is just a phase, or may be punishing or irritable with the child about these “failures.”
Older children who experienced trauma, especially boys, may “act out,” becoming aggressive, destructive, or disrespectful, bringing on correction instead of support. They may feel guilty or ashamed about the event but feel and act revengeful. When children show such externalizing behaviors, it is especially important to ask about possible traumas because the child is reacting to feeling unsafe and angry about not being protected, and use of behavior modification interventions that do not address the trauma are inadequate.
Trauma can have serious long-term toxic stress effects even without meeting criteria for PTSD. These effects are evident in physiological changes in the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal (HPA) axis with disordered stress response and changes in brain structures, neurotransmitters, and telomeres. It makes sense that more severe and longer-lasting effects come from complex trauma, defined as “multiple, chronic, and prolonged, developmentally adverse traumatic events, most often of an interpersonal nature ... and early-life onset,” than from single events. Children exposed to such repeated traumas were not protected by their parents who may even be the perpetrators or themselves incapacitated by partner violence, substance use, or severe mental illness. Complex traumas often include physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect. These “relational” traumas distort the basic functions normally developed by nurturing parent-child interaction and result in deficits in attachment, emotion and behavior regulation and self-concept. Beside anxiety or depression, prolonged stress may even generate deficits in memory, learning, or attention, or cause cognitive dissociation; reasons we also need to ask about trauma when evaluating for these problems.
Some types of trauma elicit more specific symptoms. Sexual abuse can stimulate sexual acting out, excessive or inappropriate touching, promiscuity, or eating disorders. Neglect can result in gorging or food hoarding and cause a child to be socially indiscriminate, sitting on our laps, or asking to go home with us.
Traumatized children, as adolescents, are at risk for coping with this pain by cutting, or abusing substances or alcohol (other signs suggesting trauma). These harmful strategies contribute to the adult morbidity now recognized from Adverse Childhood Experiences. Fortunately, we can refer to effective parent-child therapies, such as Circle of Security and play therapy for children less than 3 years old, trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy for those over 3 years, and even video training such as trust-based relational intervention, as well as monitor well-being.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Life is full of traumas, large and small. You know this for yourself as well as for the families and children under your care. The American Academy of Pediatrics provides screening tools for trauma, also called adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). But with 68% of children exposed to a traumatic event before the age of 16 years (Arch Gen Psychiatry. 2007 May; 64[5]:577-84), what is it we should do if we find it?
Smaller traumas, such as a power outage, may frighten but be growth promoting for most children – so called “eustress” – as they see adults bring out flashlights and serve tuna from a can and learn that one can cope with scary, unfamiliar situations. Even with smaller threats some children may have intense fear, especially those already anxiety prone or with developmental differences such as autism or sensory processing disorders.
I suggest that our role when we uncover trauma is to determine if there is current danger (and take action), or if the past trauma is affecting the child’s or parent’s functioning or producing distress. Most people recover from trauma with support from family or community but without formal help.
But we can’t assume a child will recover without help as individual, family, cultural, and historical factors affect a person’s response. Someone with an anxiety disorder, or a victim of war or assault may react disproportionately to even small events. A parent with such sensitizing factors may model poor coping, increase the child’s fear, and fail to provide the support that could buffer development of sequelae. We need to check.
Larger traumas that a child is exposed to or learns about, which threatened or resulted in death or injury – such as a destructive tornado – or sexual violence can produce lasting effects, and 25%-69% develop posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). For preschoolers, car crashes, dog bites, and medical procedures can also be causative. To be diagnosed with PTSD, a combination and number of symptoms must appear as a result of the trauma, including: re-experiencing the event (1); avoidance of things that remind one of the event (1); arousal or reactivity (2); and negative change in thoughts or feelings (2).
“PTSD in preschool children” (DMS-5) requires 0 re-experiencing, and only 1 avoidance or negative thoughts/feelings symptom as it is harder to discern at this age. The jumpiness of reactivity can disrupt activities and often sleep. The cognitive changes can include forgetting details about the event, decline in ability to pay attention or do school work, or distorted or negative thoughts such as feeling blame. Besides anxiety or depression, mood changes can include dulled emotions or social withdrawal. These symptoms are important for us to recognize.
To be diagnosed, PTSD symptoms must impair functioning and last more than 1 month. So why are families not telling us? While symptoms usually appear within 3 months, it may be months or even years, especially for early traumas such as sexual abuse as the child cannot put the experience into context until later when sexuality becomes relevant. This delay in onset is one reason parents may not report a trauma when complaining about a behavior change. When the trauma also affected them, common in both natural disasters and psychosocial events such as partner violence, the parent may have the related forgetting or depression focusing them on their own pain rather than their child’s pain. These are important reasons to ask about possible traumas of child and parent, giving examples, when a child presents with a behavior, emotional, learning, or somatic complaint.
Children under age 6 years often respond to trauma by regressing, such as wetting the bed, losing speech or a recent milestone, or clinginess. They also may reenact the event repeatedly in play. These are important symptoms to know because parents may think it is just a phase, or may be punishing or irritable with the child about these “failures.”
Older children who experienced trauma, especially boys, may “act out,” becoming aggressive, destructive, or disrespectful, bringing on correction instead of support. They may feel guilty or ashamed about the event but feel and act revengeful. When children show such externalizing behaviors, it is especially important to ask about possible traumas because the child is reacting to feeling unsafe and angry about not being protected, and use of behavior modification interventions that do not address the trauma are inadequate.
Trauma can have serious long-term toxic stress effects even without meeting criteria for PTSD. These effects are evident in physiological changes in the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal (HPA) axis with disordered stress response and changes in brain structures, neurotransmitters, and telomeres. It makes sense that more severe and longer-lasting effects come from complex trauma, defined as “multiple, chronic, and prolonged, developmentally adverse traumatic events, most often of an interpersonal nature ... and early-life onset,” than from single events. Children exposed to such repeated traumas were not protected by their parents who may even be the perpetrators or themselves incapacitated by partner violence, substance use, or severe mental illness. Complex traumas often include physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect. These “relational” traumas distort the basic functions normally developed by nurturing parent-child interaction and result in deficits in attachment, emotion and behavior regulation and self-concept. Beside anxiety or depression, prolonged stress may even generate deficits in memory, learning, or attention, or cause cognitive dissociation; reasons we also need to ask about trauma when evaluating for these problems.
Some types of trauma elicit more specific symptoms. Sexual abuse can stimulate sexual acting out, excessive or inappropriate touching, promiscuity, or eating disorders. Neglect can result in gorging or food hoarding and cause a child to be socially indiscriminate, sitting on our laps, or asking to go home with us.
Traumatized children, as adolescents, are at risk for coping with this pain by cutting, or abusing substances or alcohol (other signs suggesting trauma). These harmful strategies contribute to the adult morbidity now recognized from Adverse Childhood Experiences. Fortunately, we can refer to effective parent-child therapies, such as Circle of Security and play therapy for children less than 3 years old, trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy for those over 3 years, and even video training such as trust-based relational intervention, as well as monitor well-being.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Life is full of traumas, large and small. You know this for yourself as well as for the families and children under your care. The American Academy of Pediatrics provides screening tools for trauma, also called adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). But with 68% of children exposed to a traumatic event before the age of 16 years (Arch Gen Psychiatry. 2007 May; 64[5]:577-84), what is it we should do if we find it?
Smaller traumas, such as a power outage, may frighten but be growth promoting for most children – so called “eustress” – as they see adults bring out flashlights and serve tuna from a can and learn that one can cope with scary, unfamiliar situations. Even with smaller threats some children may have intense fear, especially those already anxiety prone or with developmental differences such as autism or sensory processing disorders.
I suggest that our role when we uncover trauma is to determine if there is current danger (and take action), or if the past trauma is affecting the child’s or parent’s functioning or producing distress. Most people recover from trauma with support from family or community but without formal help.
But we can’t assume a child will recover without help as individual, family, cultural, and historical factors affect a person’s response. Someone with an anxiety disorder, or a victim of war or assault may react disproportionately to even small events. A parent with such sensitizing factors may model poor coping, increase the child’s fear, and fail to provide the support that could buffer development of sequelae. We need to check.
Larger traumas that a child is exposed to or learns about, which threatened or resulted in death or injury – such as a destructive tornado – or sexual violence can produce lasting effects, and 25%-69% develop posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). For preschoolers, car crashes, dog bites, and medical procedures can also be causative. To be diagnosed with PTSD, a combination and number of symptoms must appear as a result of the trauma, including: re-experiencing the event (1); avoidance of things that remind one of the event (1); arousal or reactivity (2); and negative change in thoughts or feelings (2).
“PTSD in preschool children” (DMS-5) requires 0 re-experiencing, and only 1 avoidance or negative thoughts/feelings symptom as it is harder to discern at this age. The jumpiness of reactivity can disrupt activities and often sleep. The cognitive changes can include forgetting details about the event, decline in ability to pay attention or do school work, or distorted or negative thoughts such as feeling blame. Besides anxiety or depression, mood changes can include dulled emotions or social withdrawal. These symptoms are important for us to recognize.
To be diagnosed, PTSD symptoms must impair functioning and last more than 1 month. So why are families not telling us? While symptoms usually appear within 3 months, it may be months or even years, especially for early traumas such as sexual abuse as the child cannot put the experience into context until later when sexuality becomes relevant. This delay in onset is one reason parents may not report a trauma when complaining about a behavior change. When the trauma also affected them, common in both natural disasters and psychosocial events such as partner violence, the parent may have the related forgetting or depression focusing them on their own pain rather than their child’s pain. These are important reasons to ask about possible traumas of child and parent, giving examples, when a child presents with a behavior, emotional, learning, or somatic complaint.
Children under age 6 years often respond to trauma by regressing, such as wetting the bed, losing speech or a recent milestone, or clinginess. They also may reenact the event repeatedly in play. These are important symptoms to know because parents may think it is just a phase, or may be punishing or irritable with the child about these “failures.”
Older children who experienced trauma, especially boys, may “act out,” becoming aggressive, destructive, or disrespectful, bringing on correction instead of support. They may feel guilty or ashamed about the event but feel and act revengeful. When children show such externalizing behaviors, it is especially important to ask about possible traumas because the child is reacting to feeling unsafe and angry about not being protected, and use of behavior modification interventions that do not address the trauma are inadequate.
Trauma can have serious long-term toxic stress effects even without meeting criteria for PTSD. These effects are evident in physiological changes in the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal (HPA) axis with disordered stress response and changes in brain structures, neurotransmitters, and telomeres. It makes sense that more severe and longer-lasting effects come from complex trauma, defined as “multiple, chronic, and prolonged, developmentally adverse traumatic events, most often of an interpersonal nature ... and early-life onset,” than from single events. Children exposed to such repeated traumas were not protected by their parents who may even be the perpetrators or themselves incapacitated by partner violence, substance use, or severe mental illness. Complex traumas often include physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect. These “relational” traumas distort the basic functions normally developed by nurturing parent-child interaction and result in deficits in attachment, emotion and behavior regulation and self-concept. Beside anxiety or depression, prolonged stress may even generate deficits in memory, learning, or attention, or cause cognitive dissociation; reasons we also need to ask about trauma when evaluating for these problems.
Some types of trauma elicit more specific symptoms. Sexual abuse can stimulate sexual acting out, excessive or inappropriate touching, promiscuity, or eating disorders. Neglect can result in gorging or food hoarding and cause a child to be socially indiscriminate, sitting on our laps, or asking to go home with us.
Traumatized children, as adolescents, are at risk for coping with this pain by cutting, or abusing substances or alcohol (other signs suggesting trauma). These harmful strategies contribute to the adult morbidity now recognized from Adverse Childhood Experiences. Fortunately, we can refer to effective parent-child therapies, such as Circle of Security and play therapy for children less than 3 years old, trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy for those over 3 years, and even video training such as trust-based relational intervention, as well as monitor well-being.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Why do you need to know about bipolar disorder?
Diagnosing and initiating treatment for bipolar disorders in children deserve the skills of a child psychiatrist. So why do we really need to know about these complicated conditions as pediatricians?
Although the prevalence of bipolar disorder is about 4% of the adult population, first presentation of significant symptoms usually occurs in adolescence (1% prevalence) with many affected adults recalling symptoms in childhood. To be called a disorder, symptoms have to significantly impact daily functioning. That means these children and their families – and often their schoolmates and teachers – are struggling, whether a diagnosis has been made or not. While bipolar disorder is clearly heritable (emerging in 10% of children of affected adults), environmental stresses such as trauma, family discord, life transitions, academic pressure, illness, puberty, and even lack of sleep can bring out a cycle of symptoms. There also is evidence that earlier treatment may reduce symptoms long term. These factors mean that we need to be vigilant for signs that behavior or mood problems actually are symptoms of bipolar disorder and take action.
While uncommon, medical conditions such as epilepsy, hyperthyroidism, multiple sclerosis, strokes, tumors, and infections are in the differential we are best positioned to consider. Prescribed medications such as steroids, Singulair, Accutane and, of course, illicit drugs such as cocaine and misused amphetamines also can cause severe mood changes. The psychiatric differential includes depression, ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder, disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, autism, substance use, and personality disorder.
The first thing you need to understand is the signs of mania, the feature that distinguishes depression (unipolar) from manic-depressive disorder (now called bipolar disorder). Walking into the chaos of a pediatric office, one might think all the patients have mania! In fact, it is now a common joke for ordinary people say their erratic or silly behavior is caused by “being bipolar.” As for all mental disorders, milder forms of the same behaviors that constitute mania may happen to any of us at times: elation often mixed with irritability, unrealistic beliefs about one’s abilities, racing thoughts or speech, trouble concentrating, acting with poor judgment for age, having a decreased need for sleep, and inappropriate sexual behaviors. To be considered mania, though, the child must have five of these behaviors with one being elation or irritability; have behavior distinctly different from usual behavior, and have behaviors that last at least 7 days or require hospitalization. Having the child or parent complete the Mood Disorders Questionnaire or the parent version of the Young Mania Rating Scale can help, but is not definitive. When mania has occurred and there is also a period of depression lasting 2 weeks, the condition is called Bipolar I. If the mania symptoms do not meet criteria or only irritability is present in distinct periods (hypomania), Bipolar II is diagnosed. In children there can be more rapid cycling than in adults, even four to five cycles per day, as well as briefer (1-2 days) or more persistent periods. Mania may manifest as irritability, aggression, rages, or inconsolability. Children with either Bipolar I or II (not otherwise specified or NOS) should be referred to a mental health specialist.
In addition to cueing the need for a referral, recognizing bipolar disorder is critical because some medications we may ordinarily feel comfortable prescribing, notably antidepressants and stimulants, can activate mania if given in the absence of mood stabilizing medications. While such activation can be reversible, the associated behaviors may be difficult to endure for everyone, and frighten parents and children so they won’t try needed treatments in the future. We must be vigilant for signs of bipolar in all children presenting with symptoms of ADHD, because more than 50% of children with bipolar disorder have comorbid ADHD, often as the presenting sign. Children with only ADHD, in contrast, do not have reduced sleep needs, hypersexuality, hallucinations, or suicidality. Similarly, depression is common, and a condition that we should diagnose and treat. About 20% of depressed children will go on to bipolar disorder. When starting medication for either ADHD or depression, we need to advise families of the signs of activation and monitor them closely, not only to optimize treatment for the condition we believe is present, but also for the possibility that our treatment could make them worse. We also need to advise that suicide is always a risk of bipolar disorder (33%-44% attempt if untreated).
You often may be asked to refill medications prescribed by specialists for a child’s bipolar disorder. It is important to become familiar with both the common and rare but dangerous side effects. Patients taking lithium need regular blood levels taken for dose adjustments as well as monitoring for renal, thyroid, and parathyroid insults. Atypical antipsychotics can raise lipid levels and prolactin, as well as cause diabetes, rapid weight gain, and tardive dyskinesia. Although neuroleptic malignant syndrome is a rare and reversible side effect, if undetected it can be fatal. Antiepileptic mood stabilizers can cause low platelets or white counts, and the potentially fatal Stevens-Johnson syndrome presenting as rash. Hydration is especially important, as well as watching for hyperthermia and hypothermia as temperature regulation is affected by these medicines. Drug interactions are common and must be anticipated, such as NSAIDs increase lithium levels; OTC cold and allergy medications increase sedation; and caffeine and smoking reduce effects of atypical antipsychotics.
You are crucial for communicating the expected recurring cyclic nature of episodes of depression and mania or hypomania, and the need for maintenance medication. Recovery from an episode is common (81%) within 2.5 years, but 62% recur within the next 1.5 years. Vigilance is needed, especially from parents, because the affected child is unlikely to be able to tell when a new cycle is starting. Establishing healthy routines of eating, sleep, and exercise, and learning stress-reduction strategies as well as avoiding pregnancy, smoking, and drugs (there is a sixfold risk of abuse) is important to lessen risk of recurrence, buffer stress, and optimize outcomes. We need to counsel or refer to help families learn to manage behaviors using transition reminders, positive reinforcers rather than punishment, and sometimes reduced expectations. We may be the best ones to educate schools and request emotion-based Individualized Education Program (IEP) and 504 accommodations. Cognitive impairment during cycles of bipolar disorder may require reduced workload, extended time, or breaks for support. It can be helpful to reflect on the high energy, creativity, and innovative thinking found in many people with bipolar disorder, including Van Gogh (artist), Sir Isaac Newton (scientist), Ted Turner (founder of CNN), and Mariah Carey (singer)! Children need our honesty and help accepting this chronic disorder with optimism about their futures, which, with good medical management, can be bright.
Dr. Howard is an assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Diagnosing and initiating treatment for bipolar disorders in children deserve the skills of a child psychiatrist. So why do we really need to know about these complicated conditions as pediatricians?
Although the prevalence of bipolar disorder is about 4% of the adult population, first presentation of significant symptoms usually occurs in adolescence (1% prevalence) with many affected adults recalling symptoms in childhood. To be called a disorder, symptoms have to significantly impact daily functioning. That means these children and their families – and often their schoolmates and teachers – are struggling, whether a diagnosis has been made or not. While bipolar disorder is clearly heritable (emerging in 10% of children of affected adults), environmental stresses such as trauma, family discord, life transitions, academic pressure, illness, puberty, and even lack of sleep can bring out a cycle of symptoms. There also is evidence that earlier treatment may reduce symptoms long term. These factors mean that we need to be vigilant for signs that behavior or mood problems actually are symptoms of bipolar disorder and take action.
While uncommon, medical conditions such as epilepsy, hyperthyroidism, multiple sclerosis, strokes, tumors, and infections are in the differential we are best positioned to consider. Prescribed medications such as steroids, Singulair, Accutane and, of course, illicit drugs such as cocaine and misused amphetamines also can cause severe mood changes. The psychiatric differential includes depression, ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder, disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, autism, substance use, and personality disorder.
The first thing you need to understand is the signs of mania, the feature that distinguishes depression (unipolar) from manic-depressive disorder (now called bipolar disorder). Walking into the chaos of a pediatric office, one might think all the patients have mania! In fact, it is now a common joke for ordinary people say their erratic or silly behavior is caused by “being bipolar.” As for all mental disorders, milder forms of the same behaviors that constitute mania may happen to any of us at times: elation often mixed with irritability, unrealistic beliefs about one’s abilities, racing thoughts or speech, trouble concentrating, acting with poor judgment for age, having a decreased need for sleep, and inappropriate sexual behaviors. To be considered mania, though, the child must have five of these behaviors with one being elation or irritability; have behavior distinctly different from usual behavior, and have behaviors that last at least 7 days or require hospitalization. Having the child or parent complete the Mood Disorders Questionnaire or the parent version of the Young Mania Rating Scale can help, but is not definitive. When mania has occurred and there is also a period of depression lasting 2 weeks, the condition is called Bipolar I. If the mania symptoms do not meet criteria or only irritability is present in distinct periods (hypomania), Bipolar II is diagnosed. In children there can be more rapid cycling than in adults, even four to five cycles per day, as well as briefer (1-2 days) or more persistent periods. Mania may manifest as irritability, aggression, rages, or inconsolability. Children with either Bipolar I or II (not otherwise specified or NOS) should be referred to a mental health specialist.
In addition to cueing the need for a referral, recognizing bipolar disorder is critical because some medications we may ordinarily feel comfortable prescribing, notably antidepressants and stimulants, can activate mania if given in the absence of mood stabilizing medications. While such activation can be reversible, the associated behaviors may be difficult to endure for everyone, and frighten parents and children so they won’t try needed treatments in the future. We must be vigilant for signs of bipolar in all children presenting with symptoms of ADHD, because more than 50% of children with bipolar disorder have comorbid ADHD, often as the presenting sign. Children with only ADHD, in contrast, do not have reduced sleep needs, hypersexuality, hallucinations, or suicidality. Similarly, depression is common, and a condition that we should diagnose and treat. About 20% of depressed children will go on to bipolar disorder. When starting medication for either ADHD or depression, we need to advise families of the signs of activation and monitor them closely, not only to optimize treatment for the condition we believe is present, but also for the possibility that our treatment could make them worse. We also need to advise that suicide is always a risk of bipolar disorder (33%-44% attempt if untreated).
You often may be asked to refill medications prescribed by specialists for a child’s bipolar disorder. It is important to become familiar with both the common and rare but dangerous side effects. Patients taking lithium need regular blood levels taken for dose adjustments as well as monitoring for renal, thyroid, and parathyroid insults. Atypical antipsychotics can raise lipid levels and prolactin, as well as cause diabetes, rapid weight gain, and tardive dyskinesia. Although neuroleptic malignant syndrome is a rare and reversible side effect, if undetected it can be fatal. Antiepileptic mood stabilizers can cause low platelets or white counts, and the potentially fatal Stevens-Johnson syndrome presenting as rash. Hydration is especially important, as well as watching for hyperthermia and hypothermia as temperature regulation is affected by these medicines. Drug interactions are common and must be anticipated, such as NSAIDs increase lithium levels; OTC cold and allergy medications increase sedation; and caffeine and smoking reduce effects of atypical antipsychotics.
You are crucial for communicating the expected recurring cyclic nature of episodes of depression and mania or hypomania, and the need for maintenance medication. Recovery from an episode is common (81%) within 2.5 years, but 62% recur within the next 1.5 years. Vigilance is needed, especially from parents, because the affected child is unlikely to be able to tell when a new cycle is starting. Establishing healthy routines of eating, sleep, and exercise, and learning stress-reduction strategies as well as avoiding pregnancy, smoking, and drugs (there is a sixfold risk of abuse) is important to lessen risk of recurrence, buffer stress, and optimize outcomes. We need to counsel or refer to help families learn to manage behaviors using transition reminders, positive reinforcers rather than punishment, and sometimes reduced expectations. We may be the best ones to educate schools and request emotion-based Individualized Education Program (IEP) and 504 accommodations. Cognitive impairment during cycles of bipolar disorder may require reduced workload, extended time, or breaks for support. It can be helpful to reflect on the high energy, creativity, and innovative thinking found in many people with bipolar disorder, including Van Gogh (artist), Sir Isaac Newton (scientist), Ted Turner (founder of CNN), and Mariah Carey (singer)! Children need our honesty and help accepting this chronic disorder with optimism about their futures, which, with good medical management, can be bright.
Dr. Howard is an assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
Diagnosing and initiating treatment for bipolar disorders in children deserve the skills of a child psychiatrist. So why do we really need to know about these complicated conditions as pediatricians?
Although the prevalence of bipolar disorder is about 4% of the adult population, first presentation of significant symptoms usually occurs in adolescence (1% prevalence) with many affected adults recalling symptoms in childhood. To be called a disorder, symptoms have to significantly impact daily functioning. That means these children and their families – and often their schoolmates and teachers – are struggling, whether a diagnosis has been made or not. While bipolar disorder is clearly heritable (emerging in 10% of children of affected adults), environmental stresses such as trauma, family discord, life transitions, academic pressure, illness, puberty, and even lack of sleep can bring out a cycle of symptoms. There also is evidence that earlier treatment may reduce symptoms long term. These factors mean that we need to be vigilant for signs that behavior or mood problems actually are symptoms of bipolar disorder and take action.
While uncommon, medical conditions such as epilepsy, hyperthyroidism, multiple sclerosis, strokes, tumors, and infections are in the differential we are best positioned to consider. Prescribed medications such as steroids, Singulair, Accutane and, of course, illicit drugs such as cocaine and misused amphetamines also can cause severe mood changes. The psychiatric differential includes depression, ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder or conduct disorder, disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, autism, substance use, and personality disorder.
The first thing you need to understand is the signs of mania, the feature that distinguishes depression (unipolar) from manic-depressive disorder (now called bipolar disorder). Walking into the chaos of a pediatric office, one might think all the patients have mania! In fact, it is now a common joke for ordinary people say their erratic or silly behavior is caused by “being bipolar.” As for all mental disorders, milder forms of the same behaviors that constitute mania may happen to any of us at times: elation often mixed with irritability, unrealistic beliefs about one’s abilities, racing thoughts or speech, trouble concentrating, acting with poor judgment for age, having a decreased need for sleep, and inappropriate sexual behaviors. To be considered mania, though, the child must have five of these behaviors with one being elation or irritability; have behavior distinctly different from usual behavior, and have behaviors that last at least 7 days or require hospitalization. Having the child or parent complete the Mood Disorders Questionnaire or the parent version of the Young Mania Rating Scale can help, but is not definitive. When mania has occurred and there is also a period of depression lasting 2 weeks, the condition is called Bipolar I. If the mania symptoms do not meet criteria or only irritability is present in distinct periods (hypomania), Bipolar II is diagnosed. In children there can be more rapid cycling than in adults, even four to five cycles per day, as well as briefer (1-2 days) or more persistent periods. Mania may manifest as irritability, aggression, rages, or inconsolability. Children with either Bipolar I or II (not otherwise specified or NOS) should be referred to a mental health specialist.
In addition to cueing the need for a referral, recognizing bipolar disorder is critical because some medications we may ordinarily feel comfortable prescribing, notably antidepressants and stimulants, can activate mania if given in the absence of mood stabilizing medications. While such activation can be reversible, the associated behaviors may be difficult to endure for everyone, and frighten parents and children so they won’t try needed treatments in the future. We must be vigilant for signs of bipolar in all children presenting with symptoms of ADHD, because more than 50% of children with bipolar disorder have comorbid ADHD, often as the presenting sign. Children with only ADHD, in contrast, do not have reduced sleep needs, hypersexuality, hallucinations, or suicidality. Similarly, depression is common, and a condition that we should diagnose and treat. About 20% of depressed children will go on to bipolar disorder. When starting medication for either ADHD or depression, we need to advise families of the signs of activation and monitor them closely, not only to optimize treatment for the condition we believe is present, but also for the possibility that our treatment could make them worse. We also need to advise that suicide is always a risk of bipolar disorder (33%-44% attempt if untreated).
You often may be asked to refill medications prescribed by specialists for a child’s bipolar disorder. It is important to become familiar with both the common and rare but dangerous side effects. Patients taking lithium need regular blood levels taken for dose adjustments as well as monitoring for renal, thyroid, and parathyroid insults. Atypical antipsychotics can raise lipid levels and prolactin, as well as cause diabetes, rapid weight gain, and tardive dyskinesia. Although neuroleptic malignant syndrome is a rare and reversible side effect, if undetected it can be fatal. Antiepileptic mood stabilizers can cause low platelets or white counts, and the potentially fatal Stevens-Johnson syndrome presenting as rash. Hydration is especially important, as well as watching for hyperthermia and hypothermia as temperature regulation is affected by these medicines. Drug interactions are common and must be anticipated, such as NSAIDs increase lithium levels; OTC cold and allergy medications increase sedation; and caffeine and smoking reduce effects of atypical antipsychotics.
You are crucial for communicating the expected recurring cyclic nature of episodes of depression and mania or hypomania, and the need for maintenance medication. Recovery from an episode is common (81%) within 2.5 years, but 62% recur within the next 1.5 years. Vigilance is needed, especially from parents, because the affected child is unlikely to be able to tell when a new cycle is starting. Establishing healthy routines of eating, sleep, and exercise, and learning stress-reduction strategies as well as avoiding pregnancy, smoking, and drugs (there is a sixfold risk of abuse) is important to lessen risk of recurrence, buffer stress, and optimize outcomes. We need to counsel or refer to help families learn to manage behaviors using transition reminders, positive reinforcers rather than punishment, and sometimes reduced expectations. We may be the best ones to educate schools and request emotion-based Individualized Education Program (IEP) and 504 accommodations. Cognitive impairment during cycles of bipolar disorder may require reduced workload, extended time, or breaks for support. It can be helpful to reflect on the high energy, creativity, and innovative thinking found in many people with bipolar disorder, including Van Gogh (artist), Sir Isaac Newton (scientist), Ted Turner (founder of CNN), and Mariah Carey (singer)! Children need our honesty and help accepting this chronic disorder with optimism about their futures, which, with good medical management, can be bright.
Dr. Howard is an assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.
