Barbara J. Howard, MD

The news is portraying our modern time as an existential crisis as though our very existence is threatened. An existential crisis is a profound feeling of lack of meaning, choice, or freedom in one’s life that makes even existing seem worthless. It can emerge as early as 5 years old, especially in introspective, gifted children, when they realize that death is permanent and universal, after a real loss or a story of a loss or failure, or from a sense of guilt.

The past 18 months of COVID-19 have been a perfect storm for developing an existential crisis. One of the main sources of life meaning for children is friendships. COVID-19 has reduced or blocked access to old and new friends. Younger children, when asked what makes a friend, will say “we like to do the same things.” Virtual play dates help but don’t replace shared experiences.

School provides meaning for children not only from socializing but also from accomplishing academic tasks – fulfilling Erickson’s stages of “mastery” and “productivity.” Teachers were better able to carry out hands-on activities, group assignments, and field trips in person so that all children and learning styles were engaged and successful. Not having in-person school has also meant loss of extracurricular activities, sports, and clubs as sources of mastery.

Loss of the structure of daily life, common during COVID-19, for waking, dressing, meals, chores, homework time, bathing, or bedtime can be profoundly disorienting.

For adolescents, opportunities to contribute to society and become productive by volunteering or being employed have been stunted by quarantine and social distancing. Some teens have had to care for relatives at home so that parents can earn a living, which, while meaningful, blocks age-essential socializing.

Meaning can also be created at any age by community structures and agreed upon beliefs such as religion. While religious membership is low in the United States, members have been largely unable to attend services. Following sports teams, an alternate “religion” and source of identity, was on hold for many months.

Existential despair can also come from major life losses. COVID-19 has taken a terrible toll of lives, homes, and jobs for millions. As short-term thinkers, when children see so many of their plans and dreams for making the team, having a girlfriend, going to prom, attending summer camp, or graduating, it feels like the end of the world they had imagined. Even the most important source of meaning – connection to family – has been disrupted by lockdown, illness, or loss.

The loss of choice and freedom goes beyond being stuck indoors. Advanced classes and exams, as well as resume-building jobs or volunteering, which teens saw as essential to college, disappeared; sometimes also the money needed was exhausted by COVID-19 unemployment. Work-at-home parents supervising virtual school see their children’s malaise or panic and pressure them to work harder, which is impossible for despairing children. Observing a parent losing his or her job makes a teen’s own career aspirations uncertain. Teen depression and suicidal ideation/acts have shot up from hopelessness, with loss of meaning at the core.

A profound sense of powerlessness has taken over. COVID-19, an invisible threat, has taken down lives. Even with amazingly effective vaccines available, fear and helplessness have burned into our brains. Helplessness to stop structural racism and the arbitrary killings of our own Black citizens by police has finally registered. And climate change is now reported as an impending disaster that may not be stoppable.

So this must be the worst time in history, right? Actually, no. The past 60 years have been a period of historically remarkable stability of government, economy, and natural forces. Perhaps knowing no other world has made these problems appear unsolvable to the parents of our patients. Their own sense of meaning has been challenged in a way similar to that of their children. Perhaps from lack of privacy or peers, parents have been sharing their own sense of powerlessness with their children directly or indirectly, making it harder to reassure them.

With COVID-19 waning in the United States, many of the sources of meaning just discussed can be reinstated by way of in-person play dates, school, sports, socializing, practicing religion, volunteering, and getting jobs. Although there is “existential therapy,” what our children need most is adult leadership showing confidence in life’s meaning, even if we have to hide our own worries. Parents can point out that, even if it takes years, people have made it through difficult times in the past, and there are many positive alternatives for education and employment.

Children need to repeatedly hear about ways they are valued that are not dependent on accomplishments. Thanking them for and telling others about their effort, ideas, curiosity, integrity, love, and kindness point out meaning for their existence independent of world events. Parents need to establish routines and rules for children to demonstrate that life goes on as usual. Chores helpful to the family are a practical contribution. Family activities that are challenging and unpredictable set up for discussing, modeling, and building resilience; for example, visiting new places, camping, hiking, trying a new sport, or adopting a pet give opportunities to say: “Oh, well, we’ll find another way.”

Parents can share stories or books about people who made it through tougher times, such as Abraham Lincoln, or better, personal, or family experiences overcoming challenges. Recalling and nicknaming instances of the child’s own resilience is valuable. Books such as “The Little Engine That Could,” “Chicken Little,” and fairy tales of overcoming doubts when facing challenges can be helpful. “Stay calm and carry on,” a saying from the British when they were being bombed during World War II, has become a meme.

As clinicians we need to sort out significant complicated grief, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, or suicidal ideation, and provide assessment and treatment. But when children get stuck in existential futility, in addition to engaging them in meaningful activities, we can advise parents to coach them to distract themselves, “put the thoughts in a box in your head” to consider later, and/or write down or photograph things that make them grateful. Good lessons for us all to reinvent meaning in our lives.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

The news is portraying our modern time as an existential crisis as though our very existence is threatened. An existential crisis is a profound feeling of lack of meaning, choice, or freedom in one’s life that makes even existing seem worthless. It can emerge as early as 5 years old, especially in introspective, gifted children, when they realize that death is permanent and universal, after a real loss or a story of a loss or failure, or from a sense of guilt.

The past 18 months of COVID-19 have been a perfect storm for developing an existential crisis. One of the main sources of life meaning for children is friendships. COVID-19 has reduced or blocked access to old and new friends. Younger children, when asked what makes a friend, will say “we like to do the same things.” Virtual play dates help but don’t replace shared experiences.

School provides meaning for children not only from socializing but also from accomplishing academic tasks – fulfilling Erickson’s stages of “mastery” and “productivity.” Teachers were better able to carry out hands-on activities, group assignments, and field trips in person so that all children and learning styles were engaged and successful. Not having in-person school has also meant loss of extracurricular activities, sports, and clubs as sources of mastery.

Loss of the structure of daily life, common during COVID-19, for waking, dressing, meals, chores, homework time, bathing, or bedtime can be profoundly disorienting.

For adolescents, opportunities to contribute to society and become productive by volunteering or being employed have been stunted by quarantine and social distancing. Some teens have had to care for relatives at home so that parents can earn a living, which, while meaningful, blocks age-essential socializing.

Meaning can also be created at any age by community structures and agreed upon beliefs such as religion. While religious membership is low in the United States, members have been largely unable to attend services. Following sports teams, an alternate “religion” and source of identity, was on hold for many months.

Existential despair can also come from major life losses. COVID-19 has taken a terrible toll of lives, homes, and jobs for millions. As short-term thinkers, when children see so many of their plans and dreams for making the team, having a girlfriend, going to prom, attending summer camp, or graduating, it feels like the end of the world they had imagined. Even the most important source of meaning – connection to family – has been disrupted by lockdown, illness, or loss.

The loss of choice and freedom goes beyond being stuck indoors. Advanced classes and exams, as well as resume-building jobs or volunteering, which teens saw as essential to college, disappeared; sometimes also the money needed was exhausted by COVID-19 unemployment. Work-at-home parents supervising virtual school see their children’s malaise or panic and pressure them to work harder, which is impossible for despairing children. Observing a parent losing his or her job makes a teen’s own career aspirations uncertain. Teen depression and suicidal ideation/acts have shot up from hopelessness, with loss of meaning at the core.

A profound sense of powerlessness has taken over. COVID-19, an invisible threat, has taken down lives. Even with amazingly effective vaccines available, fear and helplessness have burned into our brains. Helplessness to stop structural racism and the arbitrary killings of our own Black citizens by police has finally registered. And climate change is now reported as an impending disaster that may not be stoppable.

So this must be the worst time in history, right? Actually, no. The past 60 years have been a period of historically remarkable stability of government, economy, and natural forces. Perhaps knowing no other world has made these problems appear unsolvable to the parents of our patients. Their own sense of meaning has been challenged in a way similar to that of their children. Perhaps from lack of privacy or peers, parents have been sharing their own sense of powerlessness with their children directly or indirectly, making it harder to reassure them.

With COVID-19 waning in the United States, many of the sources of meaning just discussed can be reinstated by way of in-person play dates, school, sports, socializing, practicing religion, volunteering, and getting jobs. Although there is “existential therapy,” what our children need most is adult leadership showing confidence in life’s meaning, even if we have to hide our own worries. Parents can point out that, even if it takes years, people have made it through difficult times in the past, and there are many positive alternatives for education and employment.

Children need to repeatedly hear about ways they are valued that are not dependent on accomplishments. Thanking them for and telling others about their effort, ideas, curiosity, integrity, love, and kindness point out meaning for their existence independent of world events. Parents need to establish routines and rules for children to demonstrate that life goes on as usual. Chores helpful to the family are a practical contribution. Family activities that are challenging and unpredictable set up for discussing, modeling, and building resilience; for example, visiting new places, camping, hiking, trying a new sport, or adopting a pet give opportunities to say: “Oh, well, we’ll find another way.”

Parents can share stories or books about people who made it through tougher times, such as Abraham Lincoln, or better, personal, or family experiences overcoming challenges. Recalling and nicknaming instances of the child’s own resilience is valuable. Books such as “The Little Engine That Could,” “Chicken Little,” and fairy tales of overcoming doubts when facing challenges can be helpful. “Stay calm and carry on,” a saying from the British when they were being bombed during World War II, has become a meme.

As clinicians we need to sort out significant complicated grief, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, or suicidal ideation, and provide assessment and treatment. But when children get stuck in existential futility, in addition to engaging them in meaningful activities, we can advise parents to coach them to distract themselves, “put the thoughts in a box in your head” to consider later, and/or write down or photograph things that make them grateful. Good lessons for us all to reinvent meaning in our lives.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

The news is portraying our modern time as an existential crisis as though our very existence is threatened. An existential crisis is a profound feeling of lack of meaning, choice, or freedom in one’s life that makes even existing seem worthless. It can emerge as early as 5 years old, especially in introspective, gifted children, when they realize that death is permanent and universal, after a real loss or a story of a loss or failure, or from a sense of guilt.

The past 18 months of COVID-19 have been a perfect storm for developing an existential crisis. One of the main sources of life meaning for children is friendships. COVID-19 has reduced or blocked access to old and new friends. Younger children, when asked what makes a friend, will say “we like to do the same things.” Virtual play dates help but don’t replace shared experiences.

School provides meaning for children not only from socializing but also from accomplishing academic tasks – fulfilling Erickson’s stages of “mastery” and “productivity.” Teachers were better able to carry out hands-on activities, group assignments, and field trips in person so that all children and learning styles were engaged and successful. Not having in-person school has also meant loss of extracurricular activities, sports, and clubs as sources of mastery.

Loss of the structure of daily life, common during COVID-19, for waking, dressing, meals, chores, homework time, bathing, or bedtime can be profoundly disorienting.

For adolescents, opportunities to contribute to society and become productive by volunteering or being employed have been stunted by quarantine and social distancing. Some teens have had to care for relatives at home so that parents can earn a living, which, while meaningful, blocks age-essential socializing.

Meaning can also be created at any age by community structures and agreed upon beliefs such as religion. While religious membership is low in the United States, members have been largely unable to attend services. Following sports teams, an alternate “religion” and source of identity, was on hold for many months.

Existential despair can also come from major life losses. COVID-19 has taken a terrible toll of lives, homes, and jobs for millions. As short-term thinkers, when children see so many of their plans and dreams for making the team, having a girlfriend, going to prom, attending summer camp, or graduating, it feels like the end of the world they had imagined. Even the most important source of meaning – connection to family – has been disrupted by lockdown, illness, or loss.

The loss of choice and freedom goes beyond being stuck indoors. Advanced classes and exams, as well as resume-building jobs or volunteering, which teens saw as essential to college, disappeared; sometimes also the money needed was exhausted by COVID-19 unemployment. Work-at-home parents supervising virtual school see their children’s malaise or panic and pressure them to work harder, which is impossible for despairing children. Observing a parent losing his or her job makes a teen’s own career aspirations uncertain. Teen depression and suicidal ideation/acts have shot up from hopelessness, with loss of meaning at the core.

A profound sense of powerlessness has taken over. COVID-19, an invisible threat, has taken down lives. Even with amazingly effective vaccines available, fear and helplessness have burned into our brains. Helplessness to stop structural racism and the arbitrary killings of our own Black citizens by police has finally registered. And climate change is now reported as an impending disaster that may not be stoppable.

So this must be the worst time in history, right? Actually, no. The past 60 years have been a period of historically remarkable stability of government, economy, and natural forces. Perhaps knowing no other world has made these problems appear unsolvable to the parents of our patients. Their own sense of meaning has been challenged in a way similar to that of their children. Perhaps from lack of privacy or peers, parents have been sharing their own sense of powerlessness with their children directly or indirectly, making it harder to reassure them.

With COVID-19 waning in the United States, many of the sources of meaning just discussed can be reinstated by way of in-person play dates, school, sports, socializing, practicing religion, volunteering, and getting jobs. Although there is “existential therapy,” what our children need most is adult leadership showing confidence in life’s meaning, even if we have to hide our own worries. Parents can point out that, even if it takes years, people have made it through difficult times in the past, and there are many positive alternatives for education and employment.

Children need to repeatedly hear about ways they are valued that are not dependent on accomplishments. Thanking them for and telling others about their effort, ideas, curiosity, integrity, love, and kindness point out meaning for their existence independent of world events. Parents need to establish routines and rules for children to demonstrate that life goes on as usual. Chores helpful to the family are a practical contribution. Family activities that are challenging and unpredictable set up for discussing, modeling, and building resilience; for example, visiting new places, camping, hiking, trying a new sport, or adopting a pet give opportunities to say: “Oh, well, we’ll find another way.”

Parents can share stories or books about people who made it through tougher times, such as Abraham Lincoln, or better, personal, or family experiences overcoming challenges. Recalling and nicknaming instances of the child’s own resilience is valuable. Books such as “The Little Engine That Could,” “Chicken Little,” and fairy tales of overcoming doubts when facing challenges can be helpful. “Stay calm and carry on,” a saying from the British when they were being bombed during World War II, has become a meme.

As clinicians we need to sort out significant complicated grief, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, or suicidal ideation, and provide assessment and treatment. But when children get stuck in existential futility, in addition to engaging them in meaningful activities, we can advise parents to coach them to distract themselves, “put the thoughts in a box in your head” to consider later, and/or write down or photograph things that make them grateful. Good lessons for us all to reinvent meaning in our lives.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

You read “thoughts of being better off dead” on your next patient’s PHQ-9 screen results and break into a sweat. After eliciting the teen’s realistic suicide plan and intent you send him to the ED with his parent for crisis mental health evaluation. When you call the family that evening to follow-up you hear that he was discharged with a “mental health counseling” appointment next week.

Have you done enough to prevent this child from dying at his own hand? I imagine that this haunts you as it does me. It is terrifying to know that, of youth with suicidal ideation, over one-third attempt suicide, most within 1-2 years, and 20%-40% do so without having had a plan.

We now know that certain kinds of psychotherapy have evidence for preventing subsequent suicide in teens at high risk due to suicidal ideation and past attempts. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has the best evidence including its subtypes for youth with relevant histories: for both suicide and substance use (integrated, or I-CBT), trauma focused (TF-CBT), traumatic grief (CTG-CBT), and CBT-I, for the potent risk factor of insomnia. The other treatment shown to reduce risk is dialectical behavioral therapy–adolescent (DBT-A) focused on strengthening skills in interpersonal effectiveness, mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation adapted to youth by adding family therapy and multifamily skills training. Interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT) adapted for suicidal and self-harming adolescents (IPT-SA) also has evidence.

Some school programs have shown moderate efficacy, for example (IPT-A-IN) addresses the social and interpersonal context, and Youth Aware of Mental Health, a school curriculum to increase knowledge, help-seeking, and ways of coping with depression and suicidal behavior, that cut suicide attempts by half.

You may be able to recommend, refer to, or check to see if a youth can be provided one of the above therapies with best evidence but getting any counseling at all can be hard and some, especially minority families may decline formal interventions. Any therapy – CBT, DBT, or IPT – acceptable to the youth and family can be helpful. You can often determine if the key components are being provided by asking the teen what they are working on in therapy.

It is clear that checking in regularly with teens who have been through a suicide crisis is crucial to ensure that they continue in therapy long and consistently enough, that the family is involved in treatment, and that they are taught emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and safety planning. Warm, consistent parenting, good parent-child communication, and monitoring are protective factors but also skills that can be boosted to reduce future risk of suicide. When there is family dysfunction, conflict, or weak relationships, getting help for family relationships such as through attachment-based family therapy (ABFT) or family cognitive behavioral therapy is a priority. When bereavement or parental depression is contributing to youth suicidal thoughts, addressing these specifically can reduce suicide risk.

Sometimes family members, even with counseling, are not the best supporters for a teen in pain. When youths nominated their own support team to be informed about risk factors, diagnosis, and treatment plans and to stay in contact weekly there was a 6.6-fold lower risk of death than for nonsupported youth.

But how much of this evidence-based intervention can you ensure from your position in primary care? Refer if you can but regular supportive contacts alone reduce risk so you, trusted staff, school counselors, or even the now more available teletherapists may help. You can work with your patient to fill out a written commitment-to-safety plan (e.g. U. Colorado, CHADIS) of strategies they can use when having suicidal thoughts such as self-distractions, problem-solving, listing things they are looking forward to, things to do to get their mind off suicidal thoughts, and selecting support people to understand their situation with whom to be in regular contact. Any plan needs to take into account how understanding, supportive, and available the family is, factors you are most likely to be able to judge from your ongoing relationship, but that immediate risk may change. Contact within 48 hours, check-in within 1-2 weeks, and provision of crisis hotline information are essential actions.

Recommending home safety is part of routine anticipatory guidance but reduction of lethal means is essential in these cases. Guns are the most lethal method of suicide but discussing safe gun storage has been shown to be more effective than arguing in vain for gun removal. Medication overdose, a common means, can be reduced by not prescribing tricyclics (ineffective and more lethal), and advising parents to lock up all household medications.

You can ask about and coach teens on how to avoid the hazards of participating in online discussion groups, bullying, and cyberbullying (with risk for both perpetrator and victim), all risk factors for suicide. Managing insomnia can improve depression and is within your skills. While pediatricians can’t treat the suicide risk factors of family poverty, unemployment, or loss of culture/identity, we can refer affected families to community resources.

Repeated suicide screens can help but are imperfect, so listen to the child or parent for risk signs such as the youth having self-reported worthlessness, low self-esteem, speaking negatively about self, anhedonia, or poor emotion regulation. Children with impulsive aggression, often familial, are at special risk of suicide. This trait, while more common in ADHD, is not confined to that condition. You can help by optimizing medical management of impulsivity, when appropriate.

Most youth who attempt suicide have one or more mental health diagnoses, particularly major depressive disorder (MDD), eating disorder, ADHD, conduct, or intermittent explosive disorder. When MDD is comorbid with anxiety, suicides increase 9.5-fold. Children on the autism spectrum are more likely to have been bullied and eight times more likely to commit suicide. LGBTQ youth are five times more often bullied and are at high risk for suicide. The more common issues of school failure or substance use also confer risk. While we do our best caring for children with these conditions we may not be thinking about, screening, or monitoring for their suicide risk. It may be important for us to explain that, despite black-box warnings, rates of SSRI prescribing for depression are inversely related to suicides.

Child maltreatment is the highest risk factor for suicide (population attributed risk, or PAR, 9.6%-14.5%), particularly sexual misuse. All together, adverse childhood experiences have a PAR for suicide of 80%. Continuity allows you to monitor for developmental times when distress from past experiences often reemerges, e.g., puberty, dating onset, or divorce. Getting consent and sharing these highly sensitive but potentially triggering factors as well as prior diagnoses with a newly assigned therapist can be helpful to prioritize treatments to prevent a suicide attempt, because they may be difficult to elicit and timeliness is essential.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

References

Brent DA. J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2019;58(1):25-35.

Cha CB et al. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2018;59(4):460-82.

You read “thoughts of being better off dead” on your next patient’s PHQ-9 screen results and break into a sweat. After eliciting the teen’s realistic suicide plan and intent you send him to the ED with his parent for crisis mental health evaluation. When you call the family that evening to follow-up you hear that he was discharged with a “mental health counseling” appointment next week.

Have you done enough to prevent this child from dying at his own hand? I imagine that this haunts you as it does me. It is terrifying to know that, of youth with suicidal ideation, over one-third attempt suicide, most within 1-2 years, and 20%-40% do so without having had a plan.

We now know that certain kinds of psychotherapy have evidence for preventing subsequent suicide in teens at high risk due to suicidal ideation and past attempts. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has the best evidence including its subtypes for youth with relevant histories: for both suicide and substance use (integrated, or I-CBT), trauma focused (TF-CBT), traumatic grief (CTG-CBT), and CBT-I, for the potent risk factor of insomnia. The other treatment shown to reduce risk is dialectical behavioral therapy–adolescent (DBT-A) focused on strengthening skills in interpersonal effectiveness, mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation adapted to youth by adding family therapy and multifamily skills training. Interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT) adapted for suicidal and self-harming adolescents (IPT-SA) also has evidence.

Some school programs have shown moderate efficacy, for example (IPT-A-IN) addresses the social and interpersonal context, and Youth Aware of Mental Health, a school curriculum to increase knowledge, help-seeking, and ways of coping with depression and suicidal behavior, that cut suicide attempts by half.

You may be able to recommend, refer to, or check to see if a youth can be provided one of the above therapies with best evidence but getting any counseling at all can be hard and some, especially minority families may decline formal interventions. Any therapy – CBT, DBT, or IPT – acceptable to the youth and family can be helpful. You can often determine if the key components are being provided by asking the teen what they are working on in therapy.

It is clear that checking in regularly with teens who have been through a suicide crisis is crucial to ensure that they continue in therapy long and consistently enough, that the family is involved in treatment, and that they are taught emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and safety planning. Warm, consistent parenting, good parent-child communication, and monitoring are protective factors but also skills that can be boosted to reduce future risk of suicide. When there is family dysfunction, conflict, or weak relationships, getting help for family relationships such as through attachment-based family therapy (ABFT) or family cognitive behavioral therapy is a priority. When bereavement or parental depression is contributing to youth suicidal thoughts, addressing these specifically can reduce suicide risk.

Sometimes family members, even with counseling, are not the best supporters for a teen in pain. When youths nominated their own support team to be informed about risk factors, diagnosis, and treatment plans and to stay in contact weekly there was a 6.6-fold lower risk of death than for nonsupported youth.

But how much of this evidence-based intervention can you ensure from your position in primary care? Refer if you can but regular supportive contacts alone reduce risk so you, trusted staff, school counselors, or even the now more available teletherapists may help. You can work with your patient to fill out a written commitment-to-safety plan (e.g. U. Colorado, CHADIS) of strategies they can use when having suicidal thoughts such as self-distractions, problem-solving, listing things they are looking forward to, things to do to get their mind off suicidal thoughts, and selecting support people to understand their situation with whom to be in regular contact. Any plan needs to take into account how understanding, supportive, and available the family is, factors you are most likely to be able to judge from your ongoing relationship, but that immediate risk may change. Contact within 48 hours, check-in within 1-2 weeks, and provision of crisis hotline information are essential actions.

Recommending home safety is part of routine anticipatory guidance but reduction of lethal means is essential in these cases. Guns are the most lethal method of suicide but discussing safe gun storage has been shown to be more effective than arguing in vain for gun removal. Medication overdose, a common means, can be reduced by not prescribing tricyclics (ineffective and more lethal), and advising parents to lock up all household medications.

You can ask about and coach teens on how to avoid the hazards of participating in online discussion groups, bullying, and cyberbullying (with risk for both perpetrator and victim), all risk factors for suicide. Managing insomnia can improve depression and is within your skills. While pediatricians can’t treat the suicide risk factors of family poverty, unemployment, or loss of culture/identity, we can refer affected families to community resources.

Repeated suicide screens can help but are imperfect, so listen to the child or parent for risk signs such as the youth having self-reported worthlessness, low self-esteem, speaking negatively about self, anhedonia, or poor emotion regulation. Children with impulsive aggression, often familial, are at special risk of suicide. This trait, while more common in ADHD, is not confined to that condition. You can help by optimizing medical management of impulsivity, when appropriate.

Most youth who attempt suicide have one or more mental health diagnoses, particularly major depressive disorder (MDD), eating disorder, ADHD, conduct, or intermittent explosive disorder. When MDD is comorbid with anxiety, suicides increase 9.5-fold. Children on the autism spectrum are more likely to have been bullied and eight times more likely to commit suicide. LGBTQ youth are five times more often bullied and are at high risk for suicide. The more common issues of school failure or substance use also confer risk. While we do our best caring for children with these conditions we may not be thinking about, screening, or monitoring for their suicide risk. It may be important for us to explain that, despite black-box warnings, rates of SSRI prescribing for depression are inversely related to suicides.

Child maltreatment is the highest risk factor for suicide (population attributed risk, or PAR, 9.6%-14.5%), particularly sexual misuse. All together, adverse childhood experiences have a PAR for suicide of 80%. Continuity allows you to monitor for developmental times when distress from past experiences often reemerges, e.g., puberty, dating onset, or divorce. Getting consent and sharing these highly sensitive but potentially triggering factors as well as prior diagnoses with a newly assigned therapist can be helpful to prioritize treatments to prevent a suicide attempt, because they may be difficult to elicit and timeliness is essential.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

References

Brent DA. J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2019;58(1):25-35.

Cha CB et al. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2018;59(4):460-82.

You read “thoughts of being better off dead” on your next patient’s PHQ-9 screen results and break into a sweat. After eliciting the teen’s realistic suicide plan and intent you send him to the ED with his parent for crisis mental health evaluation. When you call the family that evening to follow-up you hear that he was discharged with a “mental health counseling” appointment next week.

Have you done enough to prevent this child from dying at his own hand? I imagine that this haunts you as it does me. It is terrifying to know that, of youth with suicidal ideation, over one-third attempt suicide, most within 1-2 years, and 20%-40% do so without having had a plan.

We now know that certain kinds of psychotherapy have evidence for preventing subsequent suicide in teens at high risk due to suicidal ideation and past attempts. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has the best evidence including its subtypes for youth with relevant histories: for both suicide and substance use (integrated, or I-CBT), trauma focused (TF-CBT), traumatic grief (CTG-CBT), and CBT-I, for the potent risk factor of insomnia. The other treatment shown to reduce risk is dialectical behavioral therapy–adolescent (DBT-A) focused on strengthening skills in interpersonal effectiveness, mindfulness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation adapted to youth by adding family therapy and multifamily skills training. Interpersonal psychotherapy (IPT) adapted for suicidal and self-harming adolescents (IPT-SA) also has evidence.

Some school programs have shown moderate efficacy, for example (IPT-A-IN) addresses the social and interpersonal context, and Youth Aware of Mental Health, a school curriculum to increase knowledge, help-seeking, and ways of coping with depression and suicidal behavior, that cut suicide attempts by half.

You may be able to recommend, refer to, or check to see if a youth can be provided one of the above therapies with best evidence but getting any counseling at all can be hard and some, especially minority families may decline formal interventions. Any therapy – CBT, DBT, or IPT – acceptable to the youth and family can be helpful. You can often determine if the key components are being provided by asking the teen what they are working on in therapy.

It is clear that checking in regularly with teens who have been through a suicide crisis is crucial to ensure that they continue in therapy long and consistently enough, that the family is involved in treatment, and that they are taught emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and safety planning. Warm, consistent parenting, good parent-child communication, and monitoring are protective factors but also skills that can be boosted to reduce future risk of suicide. When there is family dysfunction, conflict, or weak relationships, getting help for family relationships such as through attachment-based family therapy (ABFT) or family cognitive behavioral therapy is a priority. When bereavement or parental depression is contributing to youth suicidal thoughts, addressing these specifically can reduce suicide risk.

Sometimes family members, even with counseling, are not the best supporters for a teen in pain. When youths nominated their own support team to be informed about risk factors, diagnosis, and treatment plans and to stay in contact weekly there was a 6.6-fold lower risk of death than for nonsupported youth.

But how much of this evidence-based intervention can you ensure from your position in primary care? Refer if you can but regular supportive contacts alone reduce risk so you, trusted staff, school counselors, or even the now more available teletherapists may help. You can work with your patient to fill out a written commitment-to-safety plan (e.g. U. Colorado, CHADIS) of strategies they can use when having suicidal thoughts such as self-distractions, problem-solving, listing things they are looking forward to, things to do to get their mind off suicidal thoughts, and selecting support people to understand their situation with whom to be in regular contact. Any plan needs to take into account how understanding, supportive, and available the family is, factors you are most likely to be able to judge from your ongoing relationship, but that immediate risk may change. Contact within 48 hours, check-in within 1-2 weeks, and provision of crisis hotline information are essential actions.

Recommending home safety is part of routine anticipatory guidance but reduction of lethal means is essential in these cases. Guns are the most lethal method of suicide but discussing safe gun storage has been shown to be more effective than arguing in vain for gun removal. Medication overdose, a common means, can be reduced by not prescribing tricyclics (ineffective and more lethal), and advising parents to lock up all household medications.

You can ask about and coach teens on how to avoid the hazards of participating in online discussion groups, bullying, and cyberbullying (with risk for both perpetrator and victim), all risk factors for suicide. Managing insomnia can improve depression and is within your skills. While pediatricians can’t treat the suicide risk factors of family poverty, unemployment, or loss of culture/identity, we can refer affected families to community resources.

Repeated suicide screens can help but are imperfect, so listen to the child or parent for risk signs such as the youth having self-reported worthlessness, low self-esteem, speaking negatively about self, anhedonia, or poor emotion regulation. Children with impulsive aggression, often familial, are at special risk of suicide. This trait, while more common in ADHD, is not confined to that condition. You can help by optimizing medical management of impulsivity, when appropriate.

Most youth who attempt suicide have one or more mental health diagnoses, particularly major depressive disorder (MDD), eating disorder, ADHD, conduct, or intermittent explosive disorder. When MDD is comorbid with anxiety, suicides increase 9.5-fold. Children on the autism spectrum are more likely to have been bullied and eight times more likely to commit suicide. LGBTQ youth are five times more often bullied and are at high risk for suicide. The more common issues of school failure or substance use also confer risk. While we do our best caring for children with these conditions we may not be thinking about, screening, or monitoring for their suicide risk. It may be important for us to explain that, despite black-box warnings, rates of SSRI prescribing for depression are inversely related to suicides.

Child maltreatment is the highest risk factor for suicide (population attributed risk, or PAR, 9.6%-14.5%), particularly sexual misuse. All together, adverse childhood experiences have a PAR for suicide of 80%. Continuity allows you to monitor for developmental times when distress from past experiences often reemerges, e.g., puberty, dating onset, or divorce. Getting consent and sharing these highly sensitive but potentially triggering factors as well as prior diagnoses with a newly assigned therapist can be helpful to prioritize treatments to prevent a suicide attempt, because they may be difficult to elicit and timeliness is essential.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

References

Brent DA. J Am Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2019;58(1):25-35.

Cha CB et al. J Child Psychol Psychiatry. 2018;59(4):460-82.

“What kind of parent are you? Why don’t you straighten him out!” rants the woman being jostled in the grocery store by your patient. “Easy for you to say,” thinks your patient’s frazzled and now insulted parent.

Blaming the parent for an out-of-control child has historically been a common refrain of neighbors, relatives, and even strangers. But considering child behavior as resulting from both parent and child factors is central to the current transactional model of child development. In this model, mismatch of the parent’s and child’s response patterns is seen as setting them up for chronically rough interactions around parent requests/demands. A parent escalating quickly from a briefly stated request to a tirade may create more tension paired with an anxious child who takes time to act, for example. Once a parent (and ultimately the child) recognize patterns in what leads to conflict, they can become more proactive in predicting and negotiating these situations. Ross Greene, PhD, explains this in his book “The Explosive Child,” calling the method Collaborative Problem Solving (now Collaborative & Proactive Solutions or CPS).

While there are general principles parents can use to modify what they consider “mis”behaviors, these methods often do not account for the “missing” skills of the individual child (and parent) predisposing to those “mis”takes. Thinking of misbehaviors as being because of a kind of “learning disability” in the child rather than willful defiance can help cool off interactions by instead focusing on solving the underlying problem.

What kinds of “gaps in skills” set a child up for defiant or explosive reactions? If you think about what features of children, and parent-child relationships are associated with harmonious interactions this becomes evident. Children over 3 who are patient, easygoing, flexible or adaptable, and good at transitions and problem-solving can delay gratification and tolerate frustration, regulate their emotions, explain their desires, and multitask. They are better at reading the parent’s needs and intent and tend to interpret requests as positive or at least neutral and are more likely to comply with parent requests without a fuss.

What? No kid you know is great at all of these? These skills, at best variable, develop with maturation. Some are part of temperament, considered normal variation in personality. For example, so-called difficult temperament includes low adaptability, high-intensity reactions, low regularity, tendency to withdraw, and negative mood. But in the extreme, weaknesses in these skills are core to or comorbid with diagnosable mental health disorders. Defiance and irritable responses are criteria for oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and less severe categories called aggressive/oppositional problem or variation. ODD is often found in children diagnosed with ADHD (65%), Tourette’s (15%-65%), depression (70% if severe), bipolar disorder (85%), OCD, anxiety (45%), autism, and language-processing disorders (55%), or trauma. These conditions variably include lower emotion regulation, poorer executive functioning including poor task shifting and impulsivity, obsessiveness, lower expressive and receptive communication skills, and less social awareness that facilitates harmonious problem solving.

The basic components of the CPS approach to addressing parent-child conflict sound intuitive but defining them clearly is important when families are stuck. There are three levels of plans. If the problem is an emergency or nonnegotiable, e.g., child hurting the cat, it may call for Plan A – parent-imposed solutions, sometimes with consequences or rewards. As children mature, Plan A should be used less frequently. If solving the problem is not a top life priority, Plan C – postponing action, may be appropriate. Plan C highlights that behavior change is a long-term project and “picking your fights” is important.

The biggest value of CPS for resolving behavior problems comes from intermediate Plan B. In Plan B the first step of problem solving for parents facing child defiance or upset is to empathically and nonjudgmentally figure out the child’s concern. Questions such as “I’ve noticed that when I remind you that it is trash night you start shouting. What’s up with that?” then patiently asking about the who, what, where, and when of their concern and checking to ensure understanding. Specificity is important as well as noting times when the reaction occurs or not.

Once the child’s concern is clear, e.g., feeling that the demand to take out the trash now interrupts his games during the only time his friends are online, the parents should echo the child’s concern then express their own concern about how the behavior is affecting them and others, potentially including the child; e.g., mother is so upset by the shouting that she can’t sleep, and worry that the child is not learning responsibility, and then checking for child understanding.

Finally, the parent invites brainstorming for a solution that addresses both of their concerns, first asking the child for suggestions, aiming for a strategy that is realistic and specific. Children reluctant to make suggestions may need more time and the parent may be wondering “if there is a way for both of our concerns to be addressed.” Solutions chosen are then tried for several weeks, success tracked, and needed changes negotiated.

For parents, using a collaborative approach to dealing with their child’s behavior takes skills they may not have at the moment, or ever. Especially under the stresses of COVID-19 lockdown, taking a step back from an encounter to consider lack of a skill to turn off the video game promptly when a Zoom meeting starts is challenging. Parents may also genetically share the child’s predisposing ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, or weakness in communication or social sensitivity.

Sometimes part of the solution for a conflict is for the parent to reduce expectations. This requires understanding and accepting the child’s cognitive or emotional limitations. Reducing expectations is ideally done before a request rather than by giving in after it, which reinforces protests. For authoritarian adults rigid in their belief that parents are boss, changing expectations can be tough and can feel like losing control or failing as a leader. One benefit of working with a CPS coach (see livesinthebalance.org or ThinkKids.org) is to help parents identify their own limitations.

Predicting the types of demands that tend to create conflict, such as to act immediately or be flexible about options, allows parents to prioritize those requests for calmer moments or when there is more time for discussion. Reviewing a checklist of common gaps in skills and creating a list of expectations and triggers that are difficult for the child helps the family be more proactive in developing solutions. Authors of CPS have validated a checklist of skill deficits, “Thinking Skills Inventory,” to facilitate detection of gaps that is educational plus useful for planning specific solutions.

CPS has been shown in randomized trials with both parent groups and in home counseling to be as effective as Parent Training in reducing oppositional behavior and reducing maternal stress, with effects lasting even longer.

CPS Plan B notably has no reward or punishment components as it assumes the child wants to behave acceptably but can’t; has the “will but not the skill.” When skill deficits are worked around the child is satisfied with complying and pleasing the parents. The idea of a “function” of the misbehavior for the child of gaining attention or reward or avoiding consequences is reinterpreted as serving to communicate the problem the child is having trouble in meeting the parent’s demand. When the parent understands and helps the child solve the problem his/her misbehavior is no longer needed. A benefit of the communication and mutual problem solving used in CPS is on not only improving behavior but empowering parents and children, building parental empathy, and improving child skills.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Reference

Greene RW et al. A transactional model of oppositional behavior: Underpinnings of the Collaborative Problem Solving approach. J Psychosom Res. 2003;55(1):67-75.

“What kind of parent are you? Why don’t you straighten him out!” rants the woman being jostled in the grocery store by your patient. “Easy for you to say,” thinks your patient’s frazzled and now insulted parent.

Blaming the parent for an out-of-control child has historically been a common refrain of neighbors, relatives, and even strangers. But considering child behavior as resulting from both parent and child factors is central to the current transactional model of child development. In this model, mismatch of the parent’s and child’s response patterns is seen as setting them up for chronically rough interactions around parent requests/demands. A parent escalating quickly from a briefly stated request to a tirade may create more tension paired with an anxious child who takes time to act, for example. Once a parent (and ultimately the child) recognize patterns in what leads to conflict, they can become more proactive in predicting and negotiating these situations. Ross Greene, PhD, explains this in his book “The Explosive Child,” calling the method Collaborative Problem Solving (now Collaborative & Proactive Solutions or CPS).

While there are general principles parents can use to modify what they consider “mis”behaviors, these methods often do not account for the “missing” skills of the individual child (and parent) predisposing to those “mis”takes. Thinking of misbehaviors as being because of a kind of “learning disability” in the child rather than willful defiance can help cool off interactions by instead focusing on solving the underlying problem.

What kinds of “gaps in skills” set a child up for defiant or explosive reactions? If you think about what features of children, and parent-child relationships are associated with harmonious interactions this becomes evident. Children over 3 who are patient, easygoing, flexible or adaptable, and good at transitions and problem-solving can delay gratification and tolerate frustration, regulate their emotions, explain their desires, and multitask. They are better at reading the parent’s needs and intent and tend to interpret requests as positive or at least neutral and are more likely to comply with parent requests without a fuss.

What? No kid you know is great at all of these? These skills, at best variable, develop with maturation. Some are part of temperament, considered normal variation in personality. For example, so-called difficult temperament includes low adaptability, high-intensity reactions, low regularity, tendency to withdraw, and negative mood. But in the extreme, weaknesses in these skills are core to or comorbid with diagnosable mental health disorders. Defiance and irritable responses are criteria for oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and less severe categories called aggressive/oppositional problem or variation. ODD is often found in children diagnosed with ADHD (65%), Tourette’s (15%-65%), depression (70% if severe), bipolar disorder (85%), OCD, anxiety (45%), autism, and language-processing disorders (55%), or trauma. These conditions variably include lower emotion regulation, poorer executive functioning including poor task shifting and impulsivity, obsessiveness, lower expressive and receptive communication skills, and less social awareness that facilitates harmonious problem solving.

The basic components of the CPS approach to addressing parent-child conflict sound intuitive but defining them clearly is important when families are stuck. There are three levels of plans. If the problem is an emergency or nonnegotiable, e.g., child hurting the cat, it may call for Plan A – parent-imposed solutions, sometimes with consequences or rewards. As children mature, Plan A should be used less frequently. If solving the problem is not a top life priority, Plan C – postponing action, may be appropriate. Plan C highlights that behavior change is a long-term project and “picking your fights” is important.

The biggest value of CPS for resolving behavior problems comes from intermediate Plan B. In Plan B the first step of problem solving for parents facing child defiance or upset is to empathically and nonjudgmentally figure out the child’s concern. Questions such as “I’ve noticed that when I remind you that it is trash night you start shouting. What’s up with that?” then patiently asking about the who, what, where, and when of their concern and checking to ensure understanding. Specificity is important as well as noting times when the reaction occurs or not.

Once the child’s concern is clear, e.g., feeling that the demand to take out the trash now interrupts his games during the only time his friends are online, the parents should echo the child’s concern then express their own concern about how the behavior is affecting them and others, potentially including the child; e.g., mother is so upset by the shouting that she can’t sleep, and worry that the child is not learning responsibility, and then checking for child understanding.

Finally, the parent invites brainstorming for a solution that addresses both of their concerns, first asking the child for suggestions, aiming for a strategy that is realistic and specific. Children reluctant to make suggestions may need more time and the parent may be wondering “if there is a way for both of our concerns to be addressed.” Solutions chosen are then tried for several weeks, success tracked, and needed changes negotiated.

For parents, using a collaborative approach to dealing with their child’s behavior takes skills they may not have at the moment, or ever. Especially under the stresses of COVID-19 lockdown, taking a step back from an encounter to consider lack of a skill to turn off the video game promptly when a Zoom meeting starts is challenging. Parents may also genetically share the child’s predisposing ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, or weakness in communication or social sensitivity.

Sometimes part of the solution for a conflict is for the parent to reduce expectations. This requires understanding and accepting the child’s cognitive or emotional limitations. Reducing expectations is ideally done before a request rather than by giving in after it, which reinforces protests. For authoritarian adults rigid in their belief that parents are boss, changing expectations can be tough and can feel like losing control or failing as a leader. One benefit of working with a CPS coach (see livesinthebalance.org or ThinkKids.org) is to help parents identify their own limitations.

Predicting the types of demands that tend to create conflict, such as to act immediately or be flexible about options, allows parents to prioritize those requests for calmer moments or when there is more time for discussion. Reviewing a checklist of common gaps in skills and creating a list of expectations and triggers that are difficult for the child helps the family be more proactive in developing solutions. Authors of CPS have validated a checklist of skill deficits, “Thinking Skills Inventory,” to facilitate detection of gaps that is educational plus useful for planning specific solutions.

CPS has been shown in randomized trials with both parent groups and in home counseling to be as effective as Parent Training in reducing oppositional behavior and reducing maternal stress, with effects lasting even longer.

CPS Plan B notably has no reward or punishment components as it assumes the child wants to behave acceptably but can’t; has the “will but not the skill.” When skill deficits are worked around the child is satisfied with complying and pleasing the parents. The idea of a “function” of the misbehavior for the child of gaining attention or reward or avoiding consequences is reinterpreted as serving to communicate the problem the child is having trouble in meeting the parent’s demand. When the parent understands and helps the child solve the problem his/her misbehavior is no longer needed. A benefit of the communication and mutual problem solving used in CPS is on not only improving behavior but empowering parents and children, building parental empathy, and improving child skills.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Reference

Greene RW et al. A transactional model of oppositional behavior: Underpinnings of the Collaborative Problem Solving approach. J Psychosom Res. 2003;55(1):67-75.

“What kind of parent are you? Why don’t you straighten him out!” rants the woman being jostled in the grocery store by your patient. “Easy for you to say,” thinks your patient’s frazzled and now insulted parent.

Blaming the parent for an out-of-control child has historically been a common refrain of neighbors, relatives, and even strangers. But considering child behavior as resulting from both parent and child factors is central to the current transactional model of child development. In this model, mismatch of the parent’s and child’s response patterns is seen as setting them up for chronically rough interactions around parent requests/demands. A parent escalating quickly from a briefly stated request to a tirade may create more tension paired with an anxious child who takes time to act, for example. Once a parent (and ultimately the child) recognize patterns in what leads to conflict, they can become more proactive in predicting and negotiating these situations. Ross Greene, PhD, explains this in his book “The Explosive Child,” calling the method Collaborative Problem Solving (now Collaborative & Proactive Solutions or CPS).

While there are general principles parents can use to modify what they consider “mis”behaviors, these methods often do not account for the “missing” skills of the individual child (and parent) predisposing to those “mis”takes. Thinking of misbehaviors as being because of a kind of “learning disability” in the child rather than willful defiance can help cool off interactions by instead focusing on solving the underlying problem.

What kinds of “gaps in skills” set a child up for defiant or explosive reactions? If you think about what features of children, and parent-child relationships are associated with harmonious interactions this becomes evident. Children over 3 who are patient, easygoing, flexible or adaptable, and good at transitions and problem-solving can delay gratification and tolerate frustration, regulate their emotions, explain their desires, and multitask. They are better at reading the parent’s needs and intent and tend to interpret requests as positive or at least neutral and are more likely to comply with parent requests without a fuss.

What? No kid you know is great at all of these? These skills, at best variable, develop with maturation. Some are part of temperament, considered normal variation in personality. For example, so-called difficult temperament includes low adaptability, high-intensity reactions, low regularity, tendency to withdraw, and negative mood. But in the extreme, weaknesses in these skills are core to or comorbid with diagnosable mental health disorders. Defiance and irritable responses are criteria for oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), and less severe categories called aggressive/oppositional problem or variation. ODD is often found in children diagnosed with ADHD (65%), Tourette’s (15%-65%), depression (70% if severe), bipolar disorder (85%), OCD, anxiety (45%), autism, and language-processing disorders (55%), or trauma. These conditions variably include lower emotion regulation, poorer executive functioning including poor task shifting and impulsivity, obsessiveness, lower expressive and receptive communication skills, and less social awareness that facilitates harmonious problem solving.

The basic components of the CPS approach to addressing parent-child conflict sound intuitive but defining them clearly is important when families are stuck. There are three levels of plans. If the problem is an emergency or nonnegotiable, e.g., child hurting the cat, it may call for Plan A – parent-imposed solutions, sometimes with consequences or rewards. As children mature, Plan A should be used less frequently. If solving the problem is not a top life priority, Plan C – postponing action, may be appropriate. Plan C highlights that behavior change is a long-term project and “picking your fights” is important.

The biggest value of CPS for resolving behavior problems comes from intermediate Plan B. In Plan B the first step of problem solving for parents facing child defiance or upset is to empathically and nonjudgmentally figure out the child’s concern. Questions such as “I’ve noticed that when I remind you that it is trash night you start shouting. What’s up with that?” then patiently asking about the who, what, where, and when of their concern and checking to ensure understanding. Specificity is important as well as noting times when the reaction occurs or not.

Once the child’s concern is clear, e.g., feeling that the demand to take out the trash now interrupts his games during the only time his friends are online, the parents should echo the child’s concern then express their own concern about how the behavior is affecting them and others, potentially including the child; e.g., mother is so upset by the shouting that she can’t sleep, and worry that the child is not learning responsibility, and then checking for child understanding.

Finally, the parent invites brainstorming for a solution that addresses both of their concerns, first asking the child for suggestions, aiming for a strategy that is realistic and specific. Children reluctant to make suggestions may need more time and the parent may be wondering “if there is a way for both of our concerns to be addressed.” Solutions chosen are then tried for several weeks, success tracked, and needed changes negotiated.

For parents, using a collaborative approach to dealing with their child’s behavior takes skills they may not have at the moment, or ever. Especially under the stresses of COVID-19 lockdown, taking a step back from an encounter to consider lack of a skill to turn off the video game promptly when a Zoom meeting starts is challenging. Parents may also genetically share the child’s predisposing ADHD, anxiety, depression, OCD, or weakness in communication or social sensitivity.

Sometimes part of the solution for a conflict is for the parent to reduce expectations. This requires understanding and accepting the child’s cognitive or emotional limitations. Reducing expectations is ideally done before a request rather than by giving in after it, which reinforces protests. For authoritarian adults rigid in their belief that parents are boss, changing expectations can be tough and can feel like losing control or failing as a leader. One benefit of working with a CPS coach (see livesinthebalance.org or ThinkKids.org) is to help parents identify their own limitations.

Predicting the types of demands that tend to create conflict, such as to act immediately or be flexible about options, allows parents to prioritize those requests for calmer moments or when there is more time for discussion. Reviewing a checklist of common gaps in skills and creating a list of expectations and triggers that are difficult for the child helps the family be more proactive in developing solutions. Authors of CPS have validated a checklist of skill deficits, “Thinking Skills Inventory,” to facilitate detection of gaps that is educational plus useful for planning specific solutions.

CPS has been shown in randomized trials with both parent groups and in home counseling to be as effective as Parent Training in reducing oppositional behavior and reducing maternal stress, with effects lasting even longer.

CPS Plan B notably has no reward or punishment components as it assumes the child wants to behave acceptably but can’t; has the “will but not the skill.” When skill deficits are worked around the child is satisfied with complying and pleasing the parents. The idea of a “function” of the misbehavior for the child of gaining attention or reward or avoiding consequences is reinterpreted as serving to communicate the problem the child is having trouble in meeting the parent’s demand. When the parent understands and helps the child solve the problem his/her misbehavior is no longer needed. A benefit of the communication and mutual problem solving used in CPS is on not only improving behavior but empowering parents and children, building parental empathy, and improving child skills.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Reference

Greene RW et al. A transactional model of oppositional behavior: Underpinnings of the Collaborative Problem Solving approach. J Psychosom Res. 2003;55(1):67-75.

All pediatricians are relieved that the rates of children smoking cigarettes has dropped steadily since 2011. This decline seems to be associated with education on the dangers of cigarettes and fewer parents smoking. Perhaps less modeling of cigarette use in movies (although it increased again from 2010 to 2019) and lawsuits against advertisements targeting children also has helped.

licsiren/iStock/Getty Images

Vaping increases the risk of severe COVID-19 disease

While EVALI deaths dropped in months after being explained, the COVID-19 epidemic is now a much greater threat to vapers. Vaping, smoking, and even second-hand smoke are associated with a greater likelihood of infection with COVID-19. Vaping increases risk of severe COVID-19 disease because of its immediate paralysis of lung cilia. Sharing vape devices and touching one’s lips while using also increase the risk of virus transmission. Vaping and smoking increase the number of ACE2 receptors to which the SARS-CoV-2 virus attaches causing the characteristic cell damage, and suppresses macrophages and neutrophils, resulting in more smokers testing positive, being twice as likely to develop a severe illness and get hospitalized because of pneumonia from COVID-19, and being less likely to recover. Unfortunately, addressing this new threat to the immediate and long-term health of our patients appears to be more complicated than for addressing smoking tobacco. First of all, vaping is much more difficult to detect than smelly cigarettes sending smoke signals from behind the garage or in the school bathrooms. Many, if not most, adults do not recognize the vaping devices when they see them, as many are tiny and some look like computer thumb drives. The aerosol emitted when in use, while containing dangerous toxins, has less odor than tobacco smoke. Vaping equipment and ads have been designed to attract youth, including linking them to sports and music events. Vaping has been advertised as a way to wean off nicotine addiction, a claim that has some scientific evidence in adults, but at a lower dose of nicotine. Warning children about the dangers of marijuana vaping has been made less credible by the rapid expansion of legalization of marijuana around the United States, eliciting “I told you it was fine” reactions from youth. And the person vaping does not know what or how much of the psychoactive components are being delivered into their bodies. One Juul pod, for example, has the equivalent in nicotine of an entire pack of 20 cigarettes. They are highly addictive, especially to the developing brain, such that youth who vape are more likely to become addicted and to smoke cigarettes in the future.

Help from federal regulation has been weak

While all 50 states ban sales to youth, adults can still buy. Food and Drug Administration limitations on kid-friendly ads, and use of sweet, fruity, and mint flavorings that are most preferred by children, apply only to new producers. The FDA does not yet regulate content of vaping solutions.

So we pediatricians are on the front line for this new threat to prevent vaping or convince youth to cut down or quit. The first step in addressing vaping is being knowledgeable about its many known and emerging health risks. It may seem obvious that the dangers of vaping microscopic particles depends on the contents. Water vapor alone is not dangerous; in fact, we prescribe it in nebulizers. Unfortunately, the contents of different vaping products vary and are not well defined in different vape products. The process of using an electric current to vaporize a substance can make it more toxic than the precursor, and teens have little idea about the substances they are inhaling. The psychoactive components vary from nicotine to tetrahydrocannabinol in varying amounts. These have the well known effects of stimulation or a high, but also the potential adverse effects of poor concentration, agitation, and even psychosis. Most e-cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive and can harm adolescent brain development, which continues into the early- to mid-20s. About two-thirds of Juul users aged 15-24 years did not know that it always contains nicotine, as do 99% of all vape solutions (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2020). Earlier use of nicotine is more highly associated with later addiction to tobacco products that cause lung damage, acid reflux, insulin resistance, harm to the testes, harm to fetuses, cancer, and heart disease.

E-cigarette aerosols also contain dozens of other harmful substances besides nicotine ranging from acetone, propylene glycol, and metals to formaldehyde and ethyl benzene. These same chemicals are part of familiar toxic substances such as antifreeze, paint thinner, and pesticides. These cause ear, eye and throat irritation, and impairments in the cardiovascular system reducing athletic ability – at the least. Some flavorings in vape fluids also are toxic. Even the residual left on furniture and floors is harmful to those coming in contact, including pets.
 

How to encourage teens not to vaping

Trying to scare youth about health hazards is not generally effective in stopping risk behaviors since adolescence is a time of perceived singularity (it does not apply to me) and even a sense of immortality. Teens also see peers who vape as being unaffected and decide on using based on this small personal sample instead of valid statistics.

But teens do pay some attention to peer models or influencers saying why they do not use. One source of such testimony you can refer to is videos of inspiring athletes, musicians, and other “cool” young adults found on the naturalhigh.org website. You may know other examples of community teens desisting you can reference.

Parent rules, and less so advice, against smoking have been shown to be effective in deterring youth cigarette smoking. Because parents are less aware of vaping and its dangers, another step we can take is educating parents in our practices about vaping, its variable forms, its effects, and dangers, supplying authoritative materials, and advising them to talk with their children. Other steps the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends regarding smoking is for parents to be a role model of not using or try to quit, designate the house and car as smoking free, avoid children viewing smoking in media, tell their children about the side effects, and encourage their children who use to quit. Parents also can encourage schools to teach and have rules about smoking and vaping (e.g., med.stanford.edu/tobaccopreventiontoolkit.html).

Another approach we have been using is to not only screen for all substance use, but also to gather information about the teen’s strengths, activities, and life goals both to enhance rapport and to reference during motivational interviewing as reasons to avoid, reduce, or quit vaping. Motivational interviewing has been shown to help patients make healthier lifestyle choices by nonjudgmentally exploring their pros and cons in a conversation that takes into account readiness to change. This fits well with the stage of developing autonomy when teens want above all to make their own decisions. The cons of using can be discussed as including the effects and side effects of vaping interfering with their favored activities and moving towards their identified goals. Praising abstinence and asking them to show you how they could decline offers to vape are valuable reinforcement you can provide.

Finally, we all know that teens hate being manipulated. Vaping education we provide can make it clear that youth are being tricked by companies – most being large cigarette producers who know the dangers of vaping – into getting addicted so these companies can get rich on their money.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

All pediatricians are relieved that the rates of children smoking cigarettes has dropped steadily since 2011. This decline seems to be associated with education on the dangers of cigarettes and fewer parents smoking. Perhaps less modeling of cigarette use in movies (although it increased again from 2010 to 2019) and lawsuits against advertisements targeting children also has helped.

licsiren/iStock/Getty Images

Vaping increases the risk of severe COVID-19 disease

While EVALI deaths dropped in months after being explained, the COVID-19 epidemic is now a much greater threat to vapers. Vaping, smoking, and even second-hand smoke are associated with a greater likelihood of infection with COVID-19. Vaping increases risk of severe COVID-19 disease because of its immediate paralysis of lung cilia. Sharing vape devices and touching one’s lips while using also increase the risk of virus transmission. Vaping and smoking increase the number of ACE2 receptors to which the SARS-CoV-2 virus attaches causing the characteristic cell damage, and suppresses macrophages and neutrophils, resulting in more smokers testing positive, being twice as likely to develop a severe illness and get hospitalized because of pneumonia from COVID-19, and being less likely to recover. Unfortunately, addressing this new threat to the immediate and long-term health of our patients appears to be more complicated than for addressing smoking tobacco. First of all, vaping is much more difficult to detect than smelly cigarettes sending smoke signals from behind the garage or in the school bathrooms. Many, if not most, adults do not recognize the vaping devices when they see them, as many are tiny and some look like computer thumb drives. The aerosol emitted when in use, while containing dangerous toxins, has less odor than tobacco smoke. Vaping equipment and ads have been designed to attract youth, including linking them to sports and music events. Vaping has been advertised as a way to wean off nicotine addiction, a claim that has some scientific evidence in adults, but at a lower dose of nicotine. Warning children about the dangers of marijuana vaping has been made less credible by the rapid expansion of legalization of marijuana around the United States, eliciting “I told you it was fine” reactions from youth. And the person vaping does not know what or how much of the psychoactive components are being delivered into their bodies. One Juul pod, for example, has the equivalent in nicotine of an entire pack of 20 cigarettes. They are highly addictive, especially to the developing brain, such that youth who vape are more likely to become addicted and to smoke cigarettes in the future.

Help from federal regulation has been weak

While all 50 states ban sales to youth, adults can still buy. Food and Drug Administration limitations on kid-friendly ads, and use of sweet, fruity, and mint flavorings that are most preferred by children, apply only to new producers. The FDA does not yet regulate content of vaping solutions.

So we pediatricians are on the front line for this new threat to prevent vaping or convince youth to cut down or quit. The first step in addressing vaping is being knowledgeable about its many known and emerging health risks. It may seem obvious that the dangers of vaping microscopic particles depends on the contents. Water vapor alone is not dangerous; in fact, we prescribe it in nebulizers. Unfortunately, the contents of different vaping products vary and are not well defined in different vape products. The process of using an electric current to vaporize a substance can make it more toxic than the precursor, and teens have little idea about the substances they are inhaling. The psychoactive components vary from nicotine to tetrahydrocannabinol in varying amounts. These have the well known effects of stimulation or a high, but also the potential adverse effects of poor concentration, agitation, and even psychosis. Most e-cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive and can harm adolescent brain development, which continues into the early- to mid-20s. About two-thirds of Juul users aged 15-24 years did not know that it always contains nicotine, as do 99% of all vape solutions (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2020). Earlier use of nicotine is more highly associated with later addiction to tobacco products that cause lung damage, acid reflux, insulin resistance, harm to the testes, harm to fetuses, cancer, and heart disease.

E-cigarette aerosols also contain dozens of other harmful substances besides nicotine ranging from acetone, propylene glycol, and metals to formaldehyde and ethyl benzene. These same chemicals are part of familiar toxic substances such as antifreeze, paint thinner, and pesticides. These cause ear, eye and throat irritation, and impairments in the cardiovascular system reducing athletic ability – at the least. Some flavorings in vape fluids also are toxic. Even the residual left on furniture and floors is harmful to those coming in contact, including pets.
 

How to encourage teens not to vaping

Trying to scare youth about health hazards is not generally effective in stopping risk behaviors since adolescence is a time of perceived singularity (it does not apply to me) and even a sense of immortality. Teens also see peers who vape as being unaffected and decide on using based on this small personal sample instead of valid statistics.

But teens do pay some attention to peer models or influencers saying why they do not use. One source of such testimony you can refer to is videos of inspiring athletes, musicians, and other “cool” young adults found on the naturalhigh.org website. You may know other examples of community teens desisting you can reference.

Parent rules, and less so advice, against smoking have been shown to be effective in deterring youth cigarette smoking. Because parents are less aware of vaping and its dangers, another step we can take is educating parents in our practices about vaping, its variable forms, its effects, and dangers, supplying authoritative materials, and advising them to talk with their children. Other steps the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends regarding smoking is for parents to be a role model of not using or try to quit, designate the house and car as smoking free, avoid children viewing smoking in media, tell their children about the side effects, and encourage their children who use to quit. Parents also can encourage schools to teach and have rules about smoking and vaping (e.g., med.stanford.edu/tobaccopreventiontoolkit.html).

Another approach we have been using is to not only screen for all substance use, but also to gather information about the teen’s strengths, activities, and life goals both to enhance rapport and to reference during motivational interviewing as reasons to avoid, reduce, or quit vaping. Motivational interviewing has been shown to help patients make healthier lifestyle choices by nonjudgmentally exploring their pros and cons in a conversation that takes into account readiness to change. This fits well with the stage of developing autonomy when teens want above all to make their own decisions. The cons of using can be discussed as including the effects and side effects of vaping interfering with their favored activities and moving towards their identified goals. Praising abstinence and asking them to show you how they could decline offers to vape are valuable reinforcement you can provide.

Finally, we all know that teens hate being manipulated. Vaping education we provide can make it clear that youth are being tricked by companies – most being large cigarette producers who know the dangers of vaping – into getting addicted so these companies can get rich on their money.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

All pediatricians are relieved that the rates of children smoking cigarettes has dropped steadily since 2011. This decline seems to be associated with education on the dangers of cigarettes and fewer parents smoking. Perhaps less modeling of cigarette use in movies (although it increased again from 2010 to 2019) and lawsuits against advertisements targeting children also has helped.

licsiren/iStock/Getty Images

Vaping increases the risk of severe COVID-19 disease

While EVALI deaths dropped in months after being explained, the COVID-19 epidemic is now a much greater threat to vapers. Vaping, smoking, and even second-hand smoke are associated with a greater likelihood of infection with COVID-19. Vaping increases risk of severe COVID-19 disease because of its immediate paralysis of lung cilia. Sharing vape devices and touching one’s lips while using also increase the risk of virus transmission. Vaping and smoking increase the number of ACE2 receptors to which the SARS-CoV-2 virus attaches causing the characteristic cell damage, and suppresses macrophages and neutrophils, resulting in more smokers testing positive, being twice as likely to develop a severe illness and get hospitalized because of pneumonia from COVID-19, and being less likely to recover. Unfortunately, addressing this new threat to the immediate and long-term health of our patients appears to be more complicated than for addressing smoking tobacco. First of all, vaping is much more difficult to detect than smelly cigarettes sending smoke signals from behind the garage or in the school bathrooms. Many, if not most, adults do not recognize the vaping devices when they see them, as many are tiny and some look like computer thumb drives. The aerosol emitted when in use, while containing dangerous toxins, has less odor than tobacco smoke. Vaping equipment and ads have been designed to attract youth, including linking them to sports and music events. Vaping has been advertised as a way to wean off nicotine addiction, a claim that has some scientific evidence in adults, but at a lower dose of nicotine. Warning children about the dangers of marijuana vaping has been made less credible by the rapid expansion of legalization of marijuana around the United States, eliciting “I told you it was fine” reactions from youth. And the person vaping does not know what or how much of the psychoactive components are being delivered into their bodies. One Juul pod, for example, has the equivalent in nicotine of an entire pack of 20 cigarettes. They are highly addictive, especially to the developing brain, such that youth who vape are more likely to become addicted and to smoke cigarettes in the future.

Help from federal regulation has been weak

While all 50 states ban sales to youth, adults can still buy. Food and Drug Administration limitations on kid-friendly ads, and use of sweet, fruity, and mint flavorings that are most preferred by children, apply only to new producers. The FDA does not yet regulate content of vaping solutions.

So we pediatricians are on the front line for this new threat to prevent vaping or convince youth to cut down or quit. The first step in addressing vaping is being knowledgeable about its many known and emerging health risks. It may seem obvious that the dangers of vaping microscopic particles depends on the contents. Water vapor alone is not dangerous; in fact, we prescribe it in nebulizers. Unfortunately, the contents of different vaping products vary and are not well defined in different vape products. The process of using an electric current to vaporize a substance can make it more toxic than the precursor, and teens have little idea about the substances they are inhaling. The psychoactive components vary from nicotine to tetrahydrocannabinol in varying amounts. These have the well known effects of stimulation or a high, but also the potential adverse effects of poor concentration, agitation, and even psychosis. Most e-cigarettes contain nicotine, which is highly addictive and can harm adolescent brain development, which continues into the early- to mid-20s. About two-thirds of Juul users aged 15-24 years did not know that it always contains nicotine, as do 99% of all vape solutions (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2020). Earlier use of nicotine is more highly associated with later addiction to tobacco products that cause lung damage, acid reflux, insulin resistance, harm to the testes, harm to fetuses, cancer, and heart disease.

E-cigarette aerosols also contain dozens of other harmful substances besides nicotine ranging from acetone, propylene glycol, and metals to formaldehyde and ethyl benzene. These same chemicals are part of familiar toxic substances such as antifreeze, paint thinner, and pesticides. These cause ear, eye and throat irritation, and impairments in the cardiovascular system reducing athletic ability – at the least. Some flavorings in vape fluids also are toxic. Even the residual left on furniture and floors is harmful to those coming in contact, including pets.
 

How to encourage teens not to vaping

Trying to scare youth about health hazards is not generally effective in stopping risk behaviors since adolescence is a time of perceived singularity (it does not apply to me) and even a sense of immortality. Teens also see peers who vape as being unaffected and decide on using based on this small personal sample instead of valid statistics.

But teens do pay some attention to peer models or influencers saying why they do not use. One source of such testimony you can refer to is videos of inspiring athletes, musicians, and other “cool” young adults found on the naturalhigh.org website. You may know other examples of community teens desisting you can reference.

Parent rules, and less so advice, against smoking have been shown to be effective in deterring youth cigarette smoking. Because parents are less aware of vaping and its dangers, another step we can take is educating parents in our practices about vaping, its variable forms, its effects, and dangers, supplying authoritative materials, and advising them to talk with their children. Other steps the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends regarding smoking is for parents to be a role model of not using or try to quit, designate the house and car as smoking free, avoid children viewing smoking in media, tell their children about the side effects, and encourage their children who use to quit. Parents also can encourage schools to teach and have rules about smoking and vaping (e.g., med.stanford.edu/tobaccopreventiontoolkit.html).

Another approach we have been using is to not only screen for all substance use, but also to gather information about the teen’s strengths, activities, and life goals both to enhance rapport and to reference during motivational interviewing as reasons to avoid, reduce, or quit vaping. Motivational interviewing has been shown to help patients make healthier lifestyle choices by nonjudgmentally exploring their pros and cons in a conversation that takes into account readiness to change. This fits well with the stage of developing autonomy when teens want above all to make their own decisions. The cons of using can be discussed as including the effects and side effects of vaping interfering with their favored activities and moving towards their identified goals. Praising abstinence and asking them to show you how they could decline offers to vape are valuable reinforcement you can provide.

Finally, we all know that teens hate being manipulated. Vaping education we provide can make it clear that youth are being tricked by companies – most being large cigarette producers who know the dangers of vaping – into getting addicted so these companies can get rich on their money.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication is as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Have you been surprised and impressed by a child who says after a visit, “Thank you, Doctor [Howard]”? While it may seem antiquated to teach such manners to children these days, there are several important benefits to this education.

monkeybusinessimages/thinkstockphotos.com

Manners serve important functions in benefiting a person’s group with cohesiveness and the individuals themselves with acceptance in the group. Use of manners instantly suggests a more trustworthy person.

There are three main categories of manners: hygiene, courtesy, and cultural norm manners.

Hygiene manners, from using the toilet to refraining from picking one’s nose, have obvious health benefits of not spreading disease. Hygiene manners take time to teach, but parents are motivated and helped by natural reactions of disgust that even infants recognize.

Courtesy manners, on the other hand, are habits of self-control and good-faith behaviors that signal that one is putting the interests of others ahead of one’s own for the moment. Taking another’s comfort into account, basic to kindness and respect, does not require agreeing with or submitting to the other. Courtesy manners require a developing self-awareness (I can choose to act this way) and awareness of social status (I am not more important than everyone else) that begins in toddlerhood. Modeling manners around the child is the most important way to teach courtesy. Parents usually start actively teaching the child to say “please” and “thank you,” and show pride in this apparent “demonstration of appreciation” even when it is simply reinforced behavior at first. The delight of grandparents reinforces both the parents and children, and reflects manners as building tribe cohesiveness.
 

Good manners become a habit

Manners such as warm greetings, a firm handshake (before COVID-19), and prompt thanks are most believable when occurring promptly when appropriate – when they come from habit. This immediate reaction, a result of so-called “fast thinking,” develops when behaviors learned from “slow thinking” are instilled early and often until they are automatic. The other benefit of this overlearning is that the behavior then looks unambivalent; a lag of too many milliseconds makes the recipient doubt genuineness.

Parents often ask us how to handle their child‘s rude or disrespectful behavior. Praise for manners is a simple start. Toddlers and preschoolers are taught manners best by adult modeling, but also by reinforcement and praise for the basics: to say “Hello,” ask “Please,” and say “Thank you,” “Excuse me,” “You’re welcome,” or “Would you help me, please?” The behaviors also include avoiding raising one’s voice, suppressing interrupting, and apologizing when appropriate. Even shy children can learn eye contact by making a game of figuring out the other’s eye color. Shaming, yelling, and punishing for poor manners usually backfires because it shows disrespect of the child who will likely give this back.

Older children can be taught to offer other people the opportunity to go through a door first, to be first to select a seat, speak first and without interruption, or order first. There are daily opportunities for these manners of showing respect. Opening doors for others, or standing when a guest enters the room are more formal but still appreciated. Parents who use and expect courtesy manners with everyone – irrespective of gender, race, ethnicity, or role as a server versus professional – show that they value others and build antiracism.

School age is a time to learn to wait before speaking to consider whether what they say could be experienced as hurtful to the other person. This requires taking someone else’s point of view, an ability that emerges around age 6 years and can be promoted when parents review with their child “How would you feel if it were you?” Role playing common scenarios of how to behave and speak when seeing a person who looks or acts different is also effective. Avoiding interrupting may be more difficult for very talkative or impulsive children, especially those with ADHD. Practicing waiting for permission to speak by being handed a “talking stick” at the dinner table can be good practice for everyone.
 

Manners are a group asset

Beyond personal benefits, manners are the basis of a civil society. Manners contribute to mutual respect, effective communication, and team collaboration. Cultural norm manners are particular to groups, helping members feel affiliated, as well as identifying those with different manners as “other.”

Teens are particularly likely to use a different code of behavior to fit in with a subgroup. This may be acceptable if restricted to within their group (such as swear words) or within certain agreed-upon limits with family members. But teens need to understand the value of learning, practicing, and using manners for their own, as well as their group’s and nation’s, well-being.

As a developmental-behavioral pediatrician, I have cared for many children with intellectual disabilities and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Deficits in social interaction skills are a basic criterion for the diagnosis of ASD. Overtraining is especially needed for children with ASD whose mirror movements, social attention, and imitation are weak. For children with these conditions, making manners a strong habit takes more effort but is even more vital than for neurotypical children. Temple Grandin, a famous adult with ASD, has described how her mother taught her manners as a survival skill. She reports incorporating manners very consciously and methodically because they did not come naturally. Children with even rote social skills are liked better by peers and teachers, their atypical behaviors is better tolerated, and they get more positive feedback that encourages integration inside and outside the classroom. Manners may make the difference between being allowed in or expelled from classrooms, libraries, clubs, teams, or religious institutions. When it is time to get a job, social skills are the key factor for employment for these individuals and a significant help for neurotypical individuals as well. Failure to signal socially appropriate behavior can make a person appear threatening and has had the rare but tragic result of rough or fatal handling by police.

Has the teaching of manners waned? Perhaps, because, for some families, the child is being socialized mostly by nonfamily caregivers who have low use of manners. Some parents have made teaching manners a low priority or even resisted using manners themselves as inauthentic. This may reflect prioritizing a “laid-back” lifestyle and speaking crudely as a sign of independence, perhaps in reaction to lack of autonomy at work. Mastering the careful interactions developed over time to avoid invoking an aggressive response depend on direct feedback from reactions of the recipient. With so much of our communication done electronically, asynchronously, even anonymously, the usual feedback has been reduced. Practicing curses, insults, and put-downs online easily extends to in-person interactions without the perpetrator even noticing and are generally reinforced and repeated without parental supervision. Disrespectful behavior from community leaders also reduces the threshold for society.

When people are ignorant of or choose not to use manners they may be perceived as “other” and hostile. This may lead to distrust, dislike, and lowered ability to find the common ground needed for making decisions that benefit the greater society. Oliver Wendell Holmes said “Under bad manners ... lies very commonly an overestimate of our special individuality, as distinguished from our generic humanity (“The Professor at the Breakfast Table,” 1858). Working for major goals that benefit all of humanity is essential to survival in our highly interconnected world. Considering all of humanity is a difficult concept for children, and even for many adults, but it starts with using civil behavior at home, in school, and in one’s community.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Have you been surprised and impressed by a child who says after a visit, “Thank you, Doctor [Howard]”? While it may seem antiquated to teach such manners to children these days, there are several important benefits to this education.

monkeybusinessimages/thinkstockphotos.com

Manners serve important functions in benefiting a person’s group with cohesiveness and the individuals themselves with acceptance in the group. Use of manners instantly suggests a more trustworthy person.

There are three main categories of manners: hygiene, courtesy, and cultural norm manners.

Hygiene manners, from using the toilet to refraining from picking one’s nose, have obvious health benefits of not spreading disease. Hygiene manners take time to teach, but parents are motivated and helped by natural reactions of disgust that even infants recognize.

Courtesy manners, on the other hand, are habits of self-control and good-faith behaviors that signal that one is putting the interests of others ahead of one’s own for the moment. Taking another’s comfort into account, basic to kindness and respect, does not require agreeing with or submitting to the other. Courtesy manners require a developing self-awareness (I can choose to act this way) and awareness of social status (I am not more important than everyone else) that begins in toddlerhood. Modeling manners around the child is the most important way to teach courtesy. Parents usually start actively teaching the child to say “please” and “thank you,” and show pride in this apparent “demonstration of appreciation” even when it is simply reinforced behavior at first. The delight of grandparents reinforces both the parents and children, and reflects manners as building tribe cohesiveness.
 

Good manners become a habit

Manners such as warm greetings, a firm handshake (before COVID-19), and prompt thanks are most believable when occurring promptly when appropriate – when they come from habit. This immediate reaction, a result of so-called “fast thinking,” develops when behaviors learned from “slow thinking” are instilled early and often until they are automatic. The other benefit of this overlearning is that the behavior then looks unambivalent; a lag of too many milliseconds makes the recipient doubt genuineness.

Parents often ask us how to handle their child‘s rude or disrespectful behavior. Praise for manners is a simple start. Toddlers and preschoolers are taught manners best by adult modeling, but also by reinforcement and praise for the basics: to say “Hello,” ask “Please,” and say “Thank you,” “Excuse me,” “You’re welcome,” or “Would you help me, please?” The behaviors also include avoiding raising one’s voice, suppressing interrupting, and apologizing when appropriate. Even shy children can learn eye contact by making a game of figuring out the other’s eye color. Shaming, yelling, and punishing for poor manners usually backfires because it shows disrespect of the child who will likely give this back.

Older children can be taught to offer other people the opportunity to go through a door first, to be first to select a seat, speak first and without interruption, or order first. There are daily opportunities for these manners of showing respect. Opening doors for others, or standing when a guest enters the room are more formal but still appreciated. Parents who use and expect courtesy manners with everyone – irrespective of gender, race, ethnicity, or role as a server versus professional – show that they value others and build antiracism.

School age is a time to learn to wait before speaking to consider whether what they say could be experienced as hurtful to the other person. This requires taking someone else’s point of view, an ability that emerges around age 6 years and can be promoted when parents review with their child “How would you feel if it were you?” Role playing common scenarios of how to behave and speak when seeing a person who looks or acts different is also effective. Avoiding interrupting may be more difficult for very talkative or impulsive children, especially those with ADHD. Practicing waiting for permission to speak by being handed a “talking stick” at the dinner table can be good practice for everyone.
 

Manners are a group asset

Beyond personal benefits, manners are the basis of a civil society. Manners contribute to mutual respect, effective communication, and team collaboration. Cultural norm manners are particular to groups, helping members feel affiliated, as well as identifying those with different manners as “other.”

Teens are particularly likely to use a different code of behavior to fit in with a subgroup. This may be acceptable if restricted to within their group (such as swear words) or within certain agreed-upon limits with family members. But teens need to understand the value of learning, practicing, and using manners for their own, as well as their group’s and nation’s, well-being.

As a developmental-behavioral pediatrician, I have cared for many children with intellectual disabilities and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Deficits in social interaction skills are a basic criterion for the diagnosis of ASD. Overtraining is especially needed for children with ASD whose mirror movements, social attention, and imitation are weak. For children with these conditions, making manners a strong habit takes more effort but is even more vital than for neurotypical children. Temple Grandin, a famous adult with ASD, has described how her mother taught her manners as a survival skill. She reports incorporating manners very consciously and methodically because they did not come naturally. Children with even rote social skills are liked better by peers and teachers, their atypical behaviors is better tolerated, and they get more positive feedback that encourages integration inside and outside the classroom. Manners may make the difference between being allowed in or expelled from classrooms, libraries, clubs, teams, or religious institutions. When it is time to get a job, social skills are the key factor for employment for these individuals and a significant help for neurotypical individuals as well. Failure to signal socially appropriate behavior can make a person appear threatening and has had the rare but tragic result of rough or fatal handling by police.

Has the teaching of manners waned? Perhaps, because, for some families, the child is being socialized mostly by nonfamily caregivers who have low use of manners. Some parents have made teaching manners a low priority or even resisted using manners themselves as inauthentic. This may reflect prioritizing a “laid-back” lifestyle and speaking crudely as a sign of independence, perhaps in reaction to lack of autonomy at work. Mastering the careful interactions developed over time to avoid invoking an aggressive response depend on direct feedback from reactions of the recipient. With so much of our communication done electronically, asynchronously, even anonymously, the usual feedback has been reduced. Practicing curses, insults, and put-downs online easily extends to in-person interactions without the perpetrator even noticing and are generally reinforced and repeated without parental supervision. Disrespectful behavior from community leaders also reduces the threshold for society.

When people are ignorant of or choose not to use manners they may be perceived as “other” and hostile. This may lead to distrust, dislike, and lowered ability to find the common ground needed for making decisions that benefit the greater society. Oliver Wendell Holmes said “Under bad manners ... lies very commonly an overestimate of our special individuality, as distinguished from our generic humanity (“The Professor at the Breakfast Table,” 1858). Working for major goals that benefit all of humanity is essential to survival in our highly interconnected world. Considering all of humanity is a difficult concept for children, and even for many adults, but it starts with using civil behavior at home, in school, and in one’s community.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Have you been surprised and impressed by a child who says after a visit, “Thank you, Doctor [Howard]”? While it may seem antiquated to teach such manners to children these days, there are several important benefits to this education.

monkeybusinessimages/thinkstockphotos.com

Manners serve important functions in benefiting a person’s group with cohesiveness and the individuals themselves with acceptance in the group. Use of manners instantly suggests a more trustworthy person.

There are three main categories of manners: hygiene, courtesy, and cultural norm manners.

Hygiene manners, from using the toilet to refraining from picking one’s nose, have obvious health benefits of not spreading disease. Hygiene manners take time to teach, but parents are motivated and helped by natural reactions of disgust that even infants recognize.

Courtesy manners, on the other hand, are habits of self-control and good-faith behaviors that signal that one is putting the interests of others ahead of one’s own for the moment. Taking another’s comfort into account, basic to kindness and respect, does not require agreeing with or submitting to the other. Courtesy manners require a developing self-awareness (I can choose to act this way) and awareness of social status (I am not more important than everyone else) that begins in toddlerhood. Modeling manners around the child is the most important way to teach courtesy. Parents usually start actively teaching the child to say “please” and “thank you,” and show pride in this apparent “demonstration of appreciation” even when it is simply reinforced behavior at first. The delight of grandparents reinforces both the parents and children, and reflects manners as building tribe cohesiveness.
 

Good manners become a habit

Manners such as warm greetings, a firm handshake (before COVID-19), and prompt thanks are most believable when occurring promptly when appropriate – when they come from habit. This immediate reaction, a result of so-called “fast thinking,” develops when behaviors learned from “slow thinking” are instilled early and often until they are automatic. The other benefit of this overlearning is that the behavior then looks unambivalent; a lag of too many milliseconds makes the recipient doubt genuineness.

Parents often ask us how to handle their child‘s rude or disrespectful behavior. Praise for manners is a simple start. Toddlers and preschoolers are taught manners best by adult modeling, but also by reinforcement and praise for the basics: to say “Hello,” ask “Please,” and say “Thank you,” “Excuse me,” “You’re welcome,” or “Would you help me, please?” The behaviors also include avoiding raising one’s voice, suppressing interrupting, and apologizing when appropriate. Even shy children can learn eye contact by making a game of figuring out the other’s eye color. Shaming, yelling, and punishing for poor manners usually backfires because it shows disrespect of the child who will likely give this back.

Older children can be taught to offer other people the opportunity to go through a door first, to be first to select a seat, speak first and without interruption, or order first. There are daily opportunities for these manners of showing respect. Opening doors for others, or standing when a guest enters the room are more formal but still appreciated. Parents who use and expect courtesy manners with everyone – irrespective of gender, race, ethnicity, or role as a server versus professional – show that they value others and build antiracism.

School age is a time to learn to wait before speaking to consider whether what they say could be experienced as hurtful to the other person. This requires taking someone else’s point of view, an ability that emerges around age 6 years and can be promoted when parents review with their child “How would you feel if it were you?” Role playing common scenarios of how to behave and speak when seeing a person who looks or acts different is also effective. Avoiding interrupting may be more difficult for very talkative or impulsive children, especially those with ADHD. Practicing waiting for permission to speak by being handed a “talking stick” at the dinner table can be good practice for everyone.
 

Manners are a group asset

Beyond personal benefits, manners are the basis of a civil society. Manners contribute to mutual respect, effective communication, and team collaboration. Cultural norm manners are particular to groups, helping members feel affiliated, as well as identifying those with different manners as “other.”

Teens are particularly likely to use a different code of behavior to fit in with a subgroup. This may be acceptable if restricted to within their group (such as swear words) or within certain agreed-upon limits with family members. But teens need to understand the value of learning, practicing, and using manners for their own, as well as their group’s and nation’s, well-being.

As a developmental-behavioral pediatrician, I have cared for many children with intellectual disabilities and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Deficits in social interaction skills are a basic criterion for the diagnosis of ASD. Overtraining is especially needed for children with ASD whose mirror movements, social attention, and imitation are weak. For children with these conditions, making manners a strong habit takes more effort but is even more vital than for neurotypical children. Temple Grandin, a famous adult with ASD, has described how her mother taught her manners as a survival skill. She reports incorporating manners very consciously and methodically because they did not come naturally. Children with even rote social skills are liked better by peers and teachers, their atypical behaviors is better tolerated, and they get more positive feedback that encourages integration inside and outside the classroom. Manners may make the difference between being allowed in or expelled from classrooms, libraries, clubs, teams, or religious institutions. When it is time to get a job, social skills are the key factor for employment for these individuals and a significant help for neurotypical individuals as well. Failure to signal socially appropriate behavior can make a person appear threatening and has had the rare but tragic result of rough or fatal handling by police.

Has the teaching of manners waned? Perhaps, because, for some families, the child is being socialized mostly by nonfamily caregivers who have low use of manners. Some parents have made teaching manners a low priority or even resisted using manners themselves as inauthentic. This may reflect prioritizing a “laid-back” lifestyle and speaking crudely as a sign of independence, perhaps in reaction to lack of autonomy at work. Mastering the careful interactions developed over time to avoid invoking an aggressive response depend on direct feedback from reactions of the recipient. With so much of our communication done electronically, asynchronously, even anonymously, the usual feedback has been reduced. Practicing curses, insults, and put-downs online easily extends to in-person interactions without the perpetrator even noticing and are generally reinforced and repeated without parental supervision. Disrespectful behavior from community leaders also reduces the threshold for society.

When people are ignorant of or choose not to use manners they may be perceived as “other” and hostile. This may lead to distrust, dislike, and lowered ability to find the common ground needed for making decisions that benefit the greater society. Oliver Wendell Holmes said “Under bad manners ... lies very commonly an overestimate of our special individuality, as distinguished from our generic humanity (“The Professor at the Breakfast Table,” 1858). Working for major goals that benefit all of humanity is essential to survival in our highly interconnected world. Considering all of humanity is a difficult concept for children, and even for many adults, but it starts with using civil behavior at home, in school, and in one’s community.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Have you ever wished you could prescribe dog training classes to any of the parents of your pediatric patients? As one of the myriad people adopting a dog during COVID-19 quarantine, I have had the amusing and poignant chance to relive the principles basic to effective parenting of young children that I have been coaching about for decades.

Courtesy Dr. Barbara J. Howard

Managing a dog instead of a child strips away layers that obfuscate parenting (e.g. child from unwanted pregnancy, fears about health issues, hopes for Harvard, wishes for the other gender, projection of expectations based on relatives, etc.) thereby making the lessons crystal clear. Unlike our perceptions for children, dog behavior does not mean anything (dog aficionados who differ, please allow poetic license). When a dog is hyper it indicates time to play or eat, not intentional defiance. Understanding this, we tend to respond more rationally.

With a dog of any age post weaning, one starts with the same basic learning abilities that will ever be present. An infant soaks up one’s caregiving for months before much training can begin, lulling parents into a mindset of having perfect skills that later requires a wrenching transition and new techniques when toddlerhood strikes.

Without expressive language feedback from a dog, we are forced to observe closely, and consciously use behavior modification techniques to get the desired behavior, but we have the advantage of seeing the effects of our management in days, not years later as for children!
 

Get her attention

It becomes obvious that to teach something, we need to get a dog’s attention first. A smell, appearance of a rabbit during a walk, a raindrop on the dog’s head all need to pass before a verbal command has a chance. Somehow the fact that children from toddler age on understand language (most of the time) makes parents forget that something else may be more interesting at the moment. We understand we need to teach a dog in a nondistracting environment without judging them for this requirement. In fact, trying to see what is engaging a dog or a toddler can enhance our appreciation of the world. But we stay curious about a dog’s distraction – not expecting to sense all a dog can – yet we may label a child’s repeated distraction as a flaw. Not being dogs ourselves allows us to give them the gift of being nonjudgmental.

Humans are inclined to talk to their young from birth, and, in general, the more talk the better for the child’s long-term development. Dogs can readily learn some human language but dog trainers all instruct us, when trying to teach a command, to give a single word instruction once, the same way each time, maintaining the animal’s attention, then waiting for at least a partially correct response (shaping) before rewarding. Inherent in this method is consistency and avoiding messages that are confusing because of extraneous words or emotions. While providing complex language that includes emotions is important for children overall, parents often do not differentiate times when they are actually giving an instruction from general banter, yet are upset when the child fails to follow through.
 

Be positive

Rather than relying on words to teach, using routines is the secret to desirable behavior in dogs. Dogs quickly develop habits (such as pooping on a certain rug) that can take many repetitions of humans supplying an alternative acceptable routine (pooping only in part of the yard) to change. Supplying an approximate alternative (rag toy instead of shoelaces), particularly if it is more exciting by being relatively novel and unavailable at other times, is far more effective than saying “No.” In fact, yelling at or hitting a dog is rarely effective because of short memory and lack of causal thinking and, in addition, can result in anxiety, shying away from interacting, or aggression; all consequences of harsh punishment in children as well.

Reinforcement works

Whatever your beliefs about dogs loving their humans, dogs understand only a small human vocabulary and are instead reinforced mainly by our attention to them that has become strongly associated with getting food or treats through instrumental conditioning. Because dogs have short memories, the most effective tools in changing their behavior are immediate attention, praise, and treats; this is also is true for children. The opposite of attention – ignoring – is very powerful in extinguishing an undesired behavior. We are told to wait at least 2 minutes after an undesired dog behavior before re-engaging. Why does this not seem to work in child rearing? Actually, it works well but is very hard for parents to do as our hearts go out to the begging child, who is part of our soul and closest kin. Soft-hearted dog owners have the same problem and often create obnoxious barking, begging, and nipping dogs as a result. These are all behaviors that could otherwise be extinguished.

Consistency is key

Behavior management works best and fastest if all the humans agree on the rules and follow them. This kind of consistency can be difficult for people training dogs as well as raising children, for many reasons. Most often there is a failure to take the time to explicitly decide on the rules; in other cases, it is lower thresholds for being annoyed and an inability to ignore a behavior. There may have been past experiences with being harshly punished, ignored, or coddled that people are are trying to overcome or reproduce; covert disagreements or desires to undermine a plan whether for the dog, the child, or the relationship; or even a desire for the dog or child to favor them by giving more treats. Sound familiar in pediatrics? With animals, objectivity and agreement may be easier to achieve because unwanted animal behavior is immediately more obviously related to training consistency than for children and may include big disincentives for humans such as barking, biting, or defecating. When these overt or covert disagreements occur in parenting children, our pediatric counseling or even family therapy may be needed. A similar acceleration plan may be available for people and their dogs (but not covered by insurance)!

While a dog may run down the stairs after a ball or a treat day after day, having forgotten that he will inevitably end up being locked in the basement for the night, we are taking advantage of the fact that dogs generally do not anticipate consequences. Yet, parents often scold even young children for a similar level of comprehension: “Didn’t you know that would break?” Fortunately, talking about consequences is educational over time for children but it needs to be done kindly with the understanding that, as with dogs, doing the same undesirable thing repeatedly is not necessarily defiance in young children but failure of our teaching. If behavior is not what you hoped for, look at what you are doing to promote it.

Much of what we call temperament is genetic in children as well as dogs. People know what to expect adopting a Jack Russell Terrier vs. a Labrador Retriever. With children we just don’t get to pick. Acceptance of what we got will make the journey easier.

We have much to cherish about dogs and children. If we lose it over the location of their poop, their forgiveness is quick. There is no such thing as too much affection. And joy is always available from both.

So why do I wish I could recommend dog training? Besides all the principles above, raising a dog together allows adults to discover mismatches in behavior management philosophies and to have a chance to see if they can negotiate a plan acceptable to both. Maybe it should be a premarital recommendation.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Have you ever wished you could prescribe dog training classes to any of the parents of your pediatric patients? As one of the myriad people adopting a dog during COVID-19 quarantine, I have had the amusing and poignant chance to relive the principles basic to effective parenting of young children that I have been coaching about for decades.

Courtesy Dr. Barbara J. Howard

Managing a dog instead of a child strips away layers that obfuscate parenting (e.g. child from unwanted pregnancy, fears about health issues, hopes for Harvard, wishes for the other gender, projection of expectations based on relatives, etc.) thereby making the lessons crystal clear. Unlike our perceptions for children, dog behavior does not mean anything (dog aficionados who differ, please allow poetic license). When a dog is hyper it indicates time to play or eat, not intentional defiance. Understanding this, we tend to respond more rationally.

With a dog of any age post weaning, one starts with the same basic learning abilities that will ever be present. An infant soaks up one’s caregiving for months before much training can begin, lulling parents into a mindset of having perfect skills that later requires a wrenching transition and new techniques when toddlerhood strikes.

Without expressive language feedback from a dog, we are forced to observe closely, and consciously use behavior modification techniques to get the desired behavior, but we have the advantage of seeing the effects of our management in days, not years later as for children!
 

Get her attention

It becomes obvious that to teach something, we need to get a dog’s attention first. A smell, appearance of a rabbit during a walk, a raindrop on the dog’s head all need to pass before a verbal command has a chance. Somehow the fact that children from toddler age on understand language (most of the time) makes parents forget that something else may be more interesting at the moment. We understand we need to teach a dog in a nondistracting environment without judging them for this requirement. In fact, trying to see what is engaging a dog or a toddler can enhance our appreciation of the world. But we stay curious about a dog’s distraction – not expecting to sense all a dog can – yet we may label a child’s repeated distraction as a flaw. Not being dogs ourselves allows us to give them the gift of being nonjudgmental.

Humans are inclined to talk to their young from birth, and, in general, the more talk the better for the child’s long-term development. Dogs can readily learn some human language but dog trainers all instruct us, when trying to teach a command, to give a single word instruction once, the same way each time, maintaining the animal’s attention, then waiting for at least a partially correct response (shaping) before rewarding. Inherent in this method is consistency and avoiding messages that are confusing because of extraneous words or emotions. While providing complex language that includes emotions is important for children overall, parents often do not differentiate times when they are actually giving an instruction from general banter, yet are upset when the child fails to follow through.
 

Be positive

Rather than relying on words to teach, using routines is the secret to desirable behavior in dogs. Dogs quickly develop habits (such as pooping on a certain rug) that can take many repetitions of humans supplying an alternative acceptable routine (pooping only in part of the yard) to change. Supplying an approximate alternative (rag toy instead of shoelaces), particularly if it is more exciting by being relatively novel and unavailable at other times, is far more effective than saying “No.” In fact, yelling at or hitting a dog is rarely effective because of short memory and lack of causal thinking and, in addition, can result in anxiety, shying away from interacting, or aggression; all consequences of harsh punishment in children as well.

Reinforcement works

Whatever your beliefs about dogs loving their humans, dogs understand only a small human vocabulary and are instead reinforced mainly by our attention to them that has become strongly associated with getting food or treats through instrumental conditioning. Because dogs have short memories, the most effective tools in changing their behavior are immediate attention, praise, and treats; this is also is true for children. The opposite of attention – ignoring – is very powerful in extinguishing an undesired behavior. We are told to wait at least 2 minutes after an undesired dog behavior before re-engaging. Why does this not seem to work in child rearing? Actually, it works well but is very hard for parents to do as our hearts go out to the begging child, who is part of our soul and closest kin. Soft-hearted dog owners have the same problem and often create obnoxious barking, begging, and nipping dogs as a result. These are all behaviors that could otherwise be extinguished.

Consistency is key

Behavior management works best and fastest if all the humans agree on the rules and follow them. This kind of consistency can be difficult for people training dogs as well as raising children, for many reasons. Most often there is a failure to take the time to explicitly decide on the rules; in other cases, it is lower thresholds for being annoyed and an inability to ignore a behavior. There may have been past experiences with being harshly punished, ignored, or coddled that people are are trying to overcome or reproduce; covert disagreements or desires to undermine a plan whether for the dog, the child, or the relationship; or even a desire for the dog or child to favor them by giving more treats. Sound familiar in pediatrics? With animals, objectivity and agreement may be easier to achieve because unwanted animal behavior is immediately more obviously related to training consistency than for children and may include big disincentives for humans such as barking, biting, or defecating. When these overt or covert disagreements occur in parenting children, our pediatric counseling or even family therapy may be needed. A similar acceleration plan may be available for people and their dogs (but not covered by insurance)!

While a dog may run down the stairs after a ball or a treat day after day, having forgotten that he will inevitably end up being locked in the basement for the night, we are taking advantage of the fact that dogs generally do not anticipate consequences. Yet, parents often scold even young children for a similar level of comprehension: “Didn’t you know that would break?” Fortunately, talking about consequences is educational over time for children but it needs to be done kindly with the understanding that, as with dogs, doing the same undesirable thing repeatedly is not necessarily defiance in young children but failure of our teaching. If behavior is not what you hoped for, look at what you are doing to promote it.

Much of what we call temperament is genetic in children as well as dogs. People know what to expect adopting a Jack Russell Terrier vs. a Labrador Retriever. With children we just don’t get to pick. Acceptance of what we got will make the journey easier.

We have much to cherish about dogs and children. If we lose it over the location of their poop, their forgiveness is quick. There is no such thing as too much affection. And joy is always available from both.

So why do I wish I could recommend dog training? Besides all the principles above, raising a dog together allows adults to discover mismatches in behavior management philosophies and to have a chance to see if they can negotiate a plan acceptable to both. Maybe it should be a premarital recommendation.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Have you ever wished you could prescribe dog training classes to any of the parents of your pediatric patients? As one of the myriad people adopting a dog during COVID-19 quarantine, I have had the amusing and poignant chance to relive the principles basic to effective parenting of young children that I have been coaching about for decades.

Courtesy Dr. Barbara J. Howard

Managing a dog instead of a child strips away layers that obfuscate parenting (e.g. child from unwanted pregnancy, fears about health issues, hopes for Harvard, wishes for the other gender, projection of expectations based on relatives, etc.) thereby making the lessons crystal clear. Unlike our perceptions for children, dog behavior does not mean anything (dog aficionados who differ, please allow poetic license). When a dog is hyper it indicates time to play or eat, not intentional defiance. Understanding this, we tend to respond more rationally.

With a dog of any age post weaning, one starts with the same basic learning abilities that will ever be present. An infant soaks up one’s caregiving for months before much training can begin, lulling parents into a mindset of having perfect skills that later requires a wrenching transition and new techniques when toddlerhood strikes.

Without expressive language feedback from a dog, we are forced to observe closely, and consciously use behavior modification techniques to get the desired behavior, but we have the advantage of seeing the effects of our management in days, not years later as for children!
 

Get her attention

It becomes obvious that to teach something, we need to get a dog’s attention first. A smell, appearance of a rabbit during a walk, a raindrop on the dog’s head all need to pass before a verbal command has a chance. Somehow the fact that children from toddler age on understand language (most of the time) makes parents forget that something else may be more interesting at the moment. We understand we need to teach a dog in a nondistracting environment without judging them for this requirement. In fact, trying to see what is engaging a dog or a toddler can enhance our appreciation of the world. But we stay curious about a dog’s distraction – not expecting to sense all a dog can – yet we may label a child’s repeated distraction as a flaw. Not being dogs ourselves allows us to give them the gift of being nonjudgmental.

Humans are inclined to talk to their young from birth, and, in general, the more talk the better for the child’s long-term development. Dogs can readily learn some human language but dog trainers all instruct us, when trying to teach a command, to give a single word instruction once, the same way each time, maintaining the animal’s attention, then waiting for at least a partially correct response (shaping) before rewarding. Inherent in this method is consistency and avoiding messages that are confusing because of extraneous words or emotions. While providing complex language that includes emotions is important for children overall, parents often do not differentiate times when they are actually giving an instruction from general banter, yet are upset when the child fails to follow through.
 

Be positive

Rather than relying on words to teach, using routines is the secret to desirable behavior in dogs. Dogs quickly develop habits (such as pooping on a certain rug) that can take many repetitions of humans supplying an alternative acceptable routine (pooping only in part of the yard) to change. Supplying an approximate alternative (rag toy instead of shoelaces), particularly if it is more exciting by being relatively novel and unavailable at other times, is far more effective than saying “No.” In fact, yelling at or hitting a dog is rarely effective because of short memory and lack of causal thinking and, in addition, can result in anxiety, shying away from interacting, or aggression; all consequences of harsh punishment in children as well.

Reinforcement works

Whatever your beliefs about dogs loving their humans, dogs understand only a small human vocabulary and are instead reinforced mainly by our attention to them that has become strongly associated with getting food or treats through instrumental conditioning. Because dogs have short memories, the most effective tools in changing their behavior are immediate attention, praise, and treats; this is also is true for children. The opposite of attention – ignoring – is very powerful in extinguishing an undesired behavior. We are told to wait at least 2 minutes after an undesired dog behavior before re-engaging. Why does this not seem to work in child rearing? Actually, it works well but is very hard for parents to do as our hearts go out to the begging child, who is part of our soul and closest kin. Soft-hearted dog owners have the same problem and often create obnoxious barking, begging, and nipping dogs as a result. These are all behaviors that could otherwise be extinguished.

Consistency is key

Behavior management works best and fastest if all the humans agree on the rules and follow them. This kind of consistency can be difficult for people training dogs as well as raising children, for many reasons. Most often there is a failure to take the time to explicitly decide on the rules; in other cases, it is lower thresholds for being annoyed and an inability to ignore a behavior. There may have been past experiences with being harshly punished, ignored, or coddled that people are are trying to overcome or reproduce; covert disagreements or desires to undermine a plan whether for the dog, the child, or the relationship; or even a desire for the dog or child to favor them by giving more treats. Sound familiar in pediatrics? With animals, objectivity and agreement may be easier to achieve because unwanted animal behavior is immediately more obviously related to training consistency than for children and may include big disincentives for humans such as barking, biting, or defecating. When these overt or covert disagreements occur in parenting children, our pediatric counseling or even family therapy may be needed. A similar acceleration plan may be available for people and their dogs (but not covered by insurance)!

While a dog may run down the stairs after a ball or a treat day after day, having forgotten that he will inevitably end up being locked in the basement for the night, we are taking advantage of the fact that dogs generally do not anticipate consequences. Yet, parents often scold even young children for a similar level of comprehension: “Didn’t you know that would break?” Fortunately, talking about consequences is educational over time for children but it needs to be done kindly with the understanding that, as with dogs, doing the same undesirable thing repeatedly is not necessarily defiance in young children but failure of our teaching. If behavior is not what you hoped for, look at what you are doing to promote it.

Much of what we call temperament is genetic in children as well as dogs. People know what to expect adopting a Jack Russell Terrier vs. a Labrador Retriever. With children we just don’t get to pick. Acceptance of what we got will make the journey easier.

We have much to cherish about dogs and children. If we lose it over the location of their poop, their forgiveness is quick. There is no such thing as too much affection. And joy is always available from both.

So why do I wish I could recommend dog training? Besides all the principles above, raising a dog together allows adults to discover mismatches in behavior management philosophies and to have a chance to see if they can negotiate a plan acceptable to both. Maybe it should be a premarital recommendation.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Can we help our pediatric patients with the complicated problems of racism, especially if we are privileged (and even white) professionals? We may not have experienced discrimination, but we can still advise and address it. Racist discrimination, fear, trauma, or distress may produce or exacerbate conditions we are treating. I have found it often revealing to ask: “Have you, your child, or your family had an experience with racism that may be contributing to today’s concern?”

Tverdokhlib/Shutterstock

Three levels of racism impact children’s health and health care: “structural or institutional” policies that influence social determinants of health; “personally mediated” differential treatment based on assumptions about one’s abilities, motives, or intents; and the resulting “internalization” of stereotypes into one’s identity, undermining confidence, self-esteem, and mental health. We can help advocate about structural racism and ensure equity within our offices, but how best to counsel the families and children themselves?

Racism includes actions of “assigning value based on the social interpretation of how a person looks” (Ethn Dis. 2008;18[4]:496-504). “Social interpretations” develop from an early age. Newborns detect differences in appearance and may startle or cry seeing a parent’s drastic haircut or new hat. Parents generally know to use soothing words and tone, bring the difference into view gradually, smile and comfort the child, and explain the change; these are good skills for later, too. Infants notice skin color, which, unlike clothes, is a stable feature by which to recognize parents. Social interpretation of these differences is cued from the parents’ feelings and reactions. Adults naturally transmit biases from their own past unless they work to dampen them. If the parent was taught to regard “other” as negative or is generally fearful, the child mirrors this. Working to reduce racism thus requires parents (and professionals) to examine their prejudices to be able to convey positive or neutral reactions to people who are different. Parents need to show curiosity, positive affect, and comfort about people who are different, and do well to seek contact and friendships with people from other groups and include their children in these relationships. We can encourage this outreach plus ensure diversity and respectful interactions in our offices.

Children from age 3 years value fairness and are upset seeing others treated unfairly – easily understanding “not fair” or “mean.” If the person being hurt is like them in race, ethnicity, religion, gender, or sexual preference, they also fear for themselves, family, and friends. Balance is needed in discussing racism to avoid increasing fear or overpromising as risks are real and solutions difficult. Children look to adults for understanding and evidence of action to feel safer, rather than helpless. We should state that leaders are working on “making the rules more fair,” ensuring that people “won’t be allowed do it again,” and “teaching that everyone deserves respect.” Even better, parents and children can generate ideas about child actions, giving them some power as an antidote to anxiety. Age-related possibilities might include drawing a picture of people getting along, talking at show-and-tell, writing a note to officials, making a protest sign, posting thoughts on Facebook, or protesting.

With age, the culture increasingly influences a child’s attitudes. Children see lots of teasing and bullying based on differences from being overweight or wearing glasses, to skin color. It is helpful to interpret for children that bullies are insecure, or sometimes have been hurt, and they put other people down to feel better than someone else. Thinking about racist acts this way may reduce the desire for revenge and a cycle of aggression. Effective anti-bullying programs help children recognize bullying, see it as an emergency that requires their action, tell adults, and take action. This action could be surrounding the bully, standing tall, making eye contact, having a dismissive retort, or asking questions that require the bully to think, such as “What do you want to happen by doing this?” We can coach our patients and their parents on these principles as well as advising schools.

Children need to be told that those being put down or held down – especially those like them – have strengths; have made discoveries; have produced writings, art, and music; have shown military bravery, moral leadership, and resistance to discrimination, but it is not the time to show strength when confronted by a gun or police. We can use and arm parents with examples to discuss strengths and accomplishments to help buffer the child from internalization of racist stereotypes. Children need positive role models who look like them; parents can seek out diverse professionals in their children’s lives, such as dentists, doctors, teachers, clergy, mentors, or coaches. We, and parents, can ensure that dolls and books are available, and that the children’s shows, movies, and video games are watched together and include diverse people doing good or brave things. These exposures also are key to all children becoming anti-racist.

Parents can be advised to initiate discussion of racism because children, detecting adult discomfort, may avoid the topic. We can encourage families to give their point of view; otherwise children simply absorb those of peers or the press. Parents should tell their children, “I want you to be able to talk about it if someone is mean or treats you unfairly because of [the color of your skin, your religion, your sex, your disability, etc.]. You might feel helpless, or angry, which is natural. We need to talk about this so you can feel strong. Then we can plan on what we are going to do.” The “sandwich” method of “ask-give information-ask what they think” can encourage discussion and correct misperceptions.

Racist policies have succeeded partly by adult “bullies” dehumanizing the “other.” Most children can consider someone else’s point of view by 4½ years old, shaped with adult help. Parents can begin by telling babies, “That hurts, doesn’t it?” asking toddlers and older, “How would you feel if ... [someone called you a name just because of having red hair]?” or “How do you think she feels when ... [someone pushes her out of line because she wears certain clothes]?” in cases of grabbing, not sharing, hitting, bullying, etc. Older children and teens can analyze more abstract situations when asked, “What if you were the one who ... [got expelled for mumbling about the teacher]?” or “What if that were your sister?” or “How would the world be if everyone ... [got a chance to go to college]?” We can encourage parents to propose these mental exercises to build the child’s perspective-taking while conveying their opinions.

Experiences, including through media, may increase or decrease fear; the child needs to have a supportive person moderating the exposure, providing a positive interpretation, and protecting the child from overwhelm, if needed.

Experiences are insufficient for developing anti-racist attitudes; listening and talking are needed. The first step is to ask children about what they notice, think, and feel about situations reflecting racism, especially as they lack words for these complicated observations. There are television, Internet, and newspaper examples of both racism and anti-racism that can be fruitfully discussed. We can recommend watching or reading together, and asking questions such as, “Why do you think they are shouting [protesting]?” “How do you think the [victim, police] felt?” or “What do you think should be done about this?”

It is important to acknowledge the child’s confusion, fear, anxiety, sadness, or anger as normal and appropriate, not dismissing, too quickly reassuring, or changing the subject, even though it’s uncomfortable.

Physicians and nurse practitioners can make a difference by being aware of our privilege and biases, being open, modeling discussion, screening for impact, offering strategies, advocating with schools, and providing resources such as therapy or legal counsel, as for other social determinants of health.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (https://www.site.chadis.com/). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Can we help our pediatric patients with the complicated problems of racism, especially if we are privileged (and even white) professionals? We may not have experienced discrimination, but we can still advise and address it. Racist discrimination, fear, trauma, or distress may produce or exacerbate conditions we are treating. I have found it often revealing to ask: “Have you, your child, or your family had an experience with racism that may be contributing to today’s concern?”

Tverdokhlib/Shutterstock

Three levels of racism impact children’s health and health care: “structural or institutional” policies that influence social determinants of health; “personally mediated” differential treatment based on assumptions about one’s abilities, motives, or intents; and the resulting “internalization” of stereotypes into one’s identity, undermining confidence, self-esteem, and mental health. We can help advocate about structural racism and ensure equity within our offices, but how best to counsel the families and children themselves?

Racism includes actions of “assigning value based on the social interpretation of how a person looks” (Ethn Dis. 2008;18[4]:496-504). “Social interpretations” develop from an early age. Newborns detect differences in appearance and may startle or cry seeing a parent’s drastic haircut or new hat. Parents generally know to use soothing words and tone, bring the difference into view gradually, smile and comfort the child, and explain the change; these are good skills for later, too. Infants notice skin color, which, unlike clothes, is a stable feature by which to recognize parents. Social interpretation of these differences is cued from the parents’ feelings and reactions. Adults naturally transmit biases from their own past unless they work to dampen them. If the parent was taught to regard “other” as negative or is generally fearful, the child mirrors this. Working to reduce racism thus requires parents (and professionals) to examine their prejudices to be able to convey positive or neutral reactions to people who are different. Parents need to show curiosity, positive affect, and comfort about people who are different, and do well to seek contact and friendships with people from other groups and include their children in these relationships. We can encourage this outreach plus ensure diversity and respectful interactions in our offices.

Children from age 3 years value fairness and are upset seeing others treated unfairly – easily understanding “not fair” or “mean.” If the person being hurt is like them in race, ethnicity, religion, gender, or sexual preference, they also fear for themselves, family, and friends. Balance is needed in discussing racism to avoid increasing fear or overpromising as risks are real and solutions difficult. Children look to adults for understanding and evidence of action to feel safer, rather than helpless. We should state that leaders are working on “making the rules more fair,” ensuring that people “won’t be allowed do it again,” and “teaching that everyone deserves respect.” Even better, parents and children can generate ideas about child actions, giving them some power as an antidote to anxiety. Age-related possibilities might include drawing a picture of people getting along, talking at show-and-tell, writing a note to officials, making a protest sign, posting thoughts on Facebook, or protesting.

With age, the culture increasingly influences a child’s attitudes. Children see lots of teasing and bullying based on differences from being overweight or wearing glasses, to skin color. It is helpful to interpret for children that bullies are insecure, or sometimes have been hurt, and they put other people down to feel better than someone else. Thinking about racist acts this way may reduce the desire for revenge and a cycle of aggression. Effective anti-bullying programs help children recognize bullying, see it as an emergency that requires their action, tell adults, and take action. This action could be surrounding the bully, standing tall, making eye contact, having a dismissive retort, or asking questions that require the bully to think, such as “What do you want to happen by doing this?” We can coach our patients and their parents on these principles as well as advising schools.

Children need to be told that those being put down or held down – especially those like them – have strengths; have made discoveries; have produced writings, art, and music; have shown military bravery, moral leadership, and resistance to discrimination, but it is not the time to show strength when confronted by a gun or police. We can use and arm parents with examples to discuss strengths and accomplishments to help buffer the child from internalization of racist stereotypes. Children need positive role models who look like them; parents can seek out diverse professionals in their children’s lives, such as dentists, doctors, teachers, clergy, mentors, or coaches. We, and parents, can ensure that dolls and books are available, and that the children’s shows, movies, and video games are watched together and include diverse people doing good or brave things. These exposures also are key to all children becoming anti-racist.

Parents can be advised to initiate discussion of racism because children, detecting adult discomfort, may avoid the topic. We can encourage families to give their point of view; otherwise children simply absorb those of peers or the press. Parents should tell their children, “I want you to be able to talk about it if someone is mean or treats you unfairly because of [the color of your skin, your religion, your sex, your disability, etc.]. You might feel helpless, or angry, which is natural. We need to talk about this so you can feel strong. Then we can plan on what we are going to do.” The “sandwich” method of “ask-give information-ask what they think” can encourage discussion and correct misperceptions.

Racist policies have succeeded partly by adult “bullies” dehumanizing the “other.” Most children can consider someone else’s point of view by 4½ years old, shaped with adult help. Parents can begin by telling babies, “That hurts, doesn’t it?” asking toddlers and older, “How would you feel if ... [someone called you a name just because of having red hair]?” or “How do you think she feels when ... [someone pushes her out of line because she wears certain clothes]?” in cases of grabbing, not sharing, hitting, bullying, etc. Older children and teens can analyze more abstract situations when asked, “What if you were the one who ... [got expelled for mumbling about the teacher]?” or “What if that were your sister?” or “How would the world be if everyone ... [got a chance to go to college]?” We can encourage parents to propose these mental exercises to build the child’s perspective-taking while conveying their opinions.

Experiences, including through media, may increase or decrease fear; the child needs to have a supportive person moderating the exposure, providing a positive interpretation, and protecting the child from overwhelm, if needed.

Experiences are insufficient for developing anti-racist attitudes; listening and talking are needed. The first step is to ask children about what they notice, think, and feel about situations reflecting racism, especially as they lack words for these complicated observations. There are television, Internet, and newspaper examples of both racism and anti-racism that can be fruitfully discussed. We can recommend watching or reading together, and asking questions such as, “Why do you think they are shouting [protesting]?” “How do you think the [victim, police] felt?” or “What do you think should be done about this?”

It is important to acknowledge the child’s confusion, fear, anxiety, sadness, or anger as normal and appropriate, not dismissing, too quickly reassuring, or changing the subject, even though it’s uncomfortable.

Physicians and nurse practitioners can make a difference by being aware of our privilege and biases, being open, modeling discussion, screening for impact, offering strategies, advocating with schools, and providing resources such as therapy or legal counsel, as for other social determinants of health.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (https://www.site.chadis.com/). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

Can we help our pediatric patients with the complicated problems of racism, especially if we are privileged (and even white) professionals? We may not have experienced discrimination, but we can still advise and address it. Racist discrimination, fear, trauma, or distress may produce or exacerbate conditions we are treating. I have found it often revealing to ask: “Have you, your child, or your family had an experience with racism that may be contributing to today’s concern?”

Tverdokhlib/Shutterstock

Three levels of racism impact children’s health and health care: “structural or institutional” policies that influence social determinants of health; “personally mediated” differential treatment based on assumptions about one’s abilities, motives, or intents; and the resulting “internalization” of stereotypes into one’s identity, undermining confidence, self-esteem, and mental health. We can help advocate about structural racism and ensure equity within our offices, but how best to counsel the families and children themselves?

Racism includes actions of “assigning value based on the social interpretation of how a person looks” (Ethn Dis. 2008;18[4]:496-504). “Social interpretations” develop from an early age. Newborns detect differences in appearance and may startle or cry seeing a parent’s drastic haircut or new hat. Parents generally know to use soothing words and tone, bring the difference into view gradually, smile and comfort the child, and explain the change; these are good skills for later, too. Infants notice skin color, which, unlike clothes, is a stable feature by which to recognize parents. Social interpretation of these differences is cued from the parents’ feelings and reactions. Adults naturally transmit biases from their own past unless they work to dampen them. If the parent was taught to regard “other” as negative or is generally fearful, the child mirrors this. Working to reduce racism thus requires parents (and professionals) to examine their prejudices to be able to convey positive or neutral reactions to people who are different. Parents need to show curiosity, positive affect, and comfort about people who are different, and do well to seek contact and friendships with people from other groups and include their children in these relationships. We can encourage this outreach plus ensure diversity and respectful interactions in our offices.

Children from age 3 years value fairness and are upset seeing others treated unfairly – easily understanding “not fair” or “mean.” If the person being hurt is like them in race, ethnicity, religion, gender, or sexual preference, they also fear for themselves, family, and friends. Balance is needed in discussing racism to avoid increasing fear or overpromising as risks are real and solutions difficult. Children look to adults for understanding and evidence of action to feel safer, rather than helpless. We should state that leaders are working on “making the rules more fair,” ensuring that people “won’t be allowed do it again,” and “teaching that everyone deserves respect.” Even better, parents and children can generate ideas about child actions, giving them some power as an antidote to anxiety. Age-related possibilities might include drawing a picture of people getting along, talking at show-and-tell, writing a note to officials, making a protest sign, posting thoughts on Facebook, or protesting.

With age, the culture increasingly influences a child’s attitudes. Children see lots of teasing and bullying based on differences from being overweight or wearing glasses, to skin color. It is helpful to interpret for children that bullies are insecure, or sometimes have been hurt, and they put other people down to feel better than someone else. Thinking about racist acts this way may reduce the desire for revenge and a cycle of aggression. Effective anti-bullying programs help children recognize bullying, see it as an emergency that requires their action, tell adults, and take action. This action could be surrounding the bully, standing tall, making eye contact, having a dismissive retort, or asking questions that require the bully to think, such as “What do you want to happen by doing this?” We can coach our patients and their parents on these principles as well as advising schools.

Children need to be told that those being put down or held down – especially those like them – have strengths; have made discoveries; have produced writings, art, and music; have shown military bravery, moral leadership, and resistance to discrimination, but it is not the time to show strength when confronted by a gun or police. We can use and arm parents with examples to discuss strengths and accomplishments to help buffer the child from internalization of racist stereotypes. Children need positive role models who look like them; parents can seek out diverse professionals in their children’s lives, such as dentists, doctors, teachers, clergy, mentors, or coaches. We, and parents, can ensure that dolls and books are available, and that the children’s shows, movies, and video games are watched together and include diverse people doing good or brave things. These exposures also are key to all children becoming anti-racist.

Parents can be advised to initiate discussion of racism because children, detecting adult discomfort, may avoid the topic. We can encourage families to give their point of view; otherwise children simply absorb those of peers or the press. Parents should tell their children, “I want you to be able to talk about it if someone is mean or treats you unfairly because of [the color of your skin, your religion, your sex, your disability, etc.]. You might feel helpless, or angry, which is natural. We need to talk about this so you can feel strong. Then we can plan on what we are going to do.” The “sandwich” method of “ask-give information-ask what they think” can encourage discussion and correct misperceptions.

Racist policies have succeeded partly by adult “bullies” dehumanizing the “other.” Most children can consider someone else’s point of view by 4½ years old, shaped with adult help. Parents can begin by telling babies, “That hurts, doesn’t it?” asking toddlers and older, “How would you feel if ... [someone called you a name just because of having red hair]?” or “How do you think she feels when ... [someone pushes her out of line because she wears certain clothes]?” in cases of grabbing, not sharing, hitting, bullying, etc. Older children and teens can analyze more abstract situations when asked, “What if you were the one who ... [got expelled for mumbling about the teacher]?” or “What if that were your sister?” or “How would the world be if everyone ... [got a chance to go to college]?” We can encourage parents to propose these mental exercises to build the child’s perspective-taking while conveying their opinions.

Experiences, including through media, may increase or decrease fear; the child needs to have a supportive person moderating the exposure, providing a positive interpretation, and protecting the child from overwhelm, if needed.

Experiences are insufficient for developing anti-racist attitudes; listening and talking are needed. The first step is to ask children about what they notice, think, and feel about situations reflecting racism, especially as they lack words for these complicated observations. There are television, Internet, and newspaper examples of both racism and anti-racism that can be fruitfully discussed. We can recommend watching or reading together, and asking questions such as, “Why do you think they are shouting [protesting]?” “How do you think the [victim, police] felt?” or “What do you think should be done about this?”

It is important to acknowledge the child’s confusion, fear, anxiety, sadness, or anger as normal and appropriate, not dismissing, too quickly reassuring, or changing the subject, even though it’s uncomfortable.

Physicians and nurse practitioners can make a difference by being aware of our privilege and biases, being open, modeling discussion, screening for impact, offering strategies, advocating with schools, and providing resources such as therapy or legal counsel, as for other social determinants of health.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (https://www.site.chadis.com/). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

These are tough times for families, children, and practices. In this case, the entire world is going through it at the same time, leaving no escape. There are so many new things each of us needs to do, and for some of the challenges, we are completely thwarted by safety restrictions from doing anything. Adults and children alike are trying to work or learn at home in new ways. This also means that old daily routines have been broken. The sense of disorientation is pervasive. Although it is only one part of what is needed, reestablishing routines can go a long way toward restoring a sense of control and meaning that you can institute for yourself and recommend to your patients.

Wavebreakmedia/Thinkstock

Routines are important for both physical and mental health at every age and time, but especially when a major change is occurring. Examples of such change include natural disasters such as COVID-19, deaths, or separations from loved ones, but also moving, job loss, or new financial instability. Many families and many doctors and staff are experiencing several of these at once these days.

Evidence from studies of times of major disruption such as divorce, a death, war, and natural disasters show that parenting tends to shift to being less organized, with less overall discipline or more arbitrary punishment, and, in some cases, less parent-child connection. Children, on their part, also tend to act differently under these conditions. They are more irritable, upset, anxious, clingy, and aggressive, and also tend to regress in recent developmental achievements such as maintaining toileting and sleep patterns. Parents often do not see the connection to the stress and react to these behaviors in ways that may make things worse by scolding or punishing.

I was really surprised to hear Daniel Kahneman, PhD, Nobel laureate in economics, talk about how even he has trouble judging risk based on mathematical probability. Instead, he recognizes that adults decide about risk based on the behavior of the people around them – when others act worried or agitated, the person does too. Children, even more than adults, must decide if they are safe based on the behavior of the adults around them. When parents maintain routines as closely as possible after a major disruption, children feel reassured that they can expect continuity of their relationship – their most important lifeboat. If their parents keep doing the things they are used to, children basically feel safe.

Simple aspects of sameness important to children are very familiar to pediatricians: always wanting the same spoon, the sandwich cut the same way, only chicken nuggets from a certain store. This tends to be true in typically developing toddlers, preschool, and some school-aged children. The desire to have the same story read to them multiple times – until parents are ready to scream! – is another sign of the importance of predictable routines to children. All of these are best accommodated during times of stress rather than trying to “avoid making a bad habit.” All disruptions of routine are even more disorienting for children with intellectual disabilities or those on the autism spectrum who are generally less able to understand or control their world. Children and adults with preexisting anxiety disorders also are more likely to have more severe reactions to major disruptions and need extra understanding.

Routines for eating at least something at regular times – even if the food is not as interesting as prior fare – provide a sense of security, as well as stabilizing blood sugar and bowel patterns. Keeping patterns of washing hands, sitting together as a family, and interacting in conversation, rather than watching TV news, allow an oasis of respite from ongoing stresses. Family meals are also known to promote learning, vocabulary growth, and better behavior.

Setting a schedule for schooling, play, hygiene, and exercise may seem silly when parents and children are home all day, but it instills a sense of meaning to the day. Making a visual schedule for younger children or a written or online one for older children can be a shared activity in itself. I remember hearing about how important changing clothes and cleaning teeth were to prisoners of war during World War II in maintaining a sense of normalcy in that time of chaos.

Exercise is particularly important to set as a routine as it directly reduces stress – even if it may need to take new forms. While there are lots of online exercise programs for adults, it is better for everyone to go outside if they can manage adequate personal spacing. There they can experience the orderly changing of the seasons and the weather, as well as soak up some sunshine. Interactive parent-child play serves multiple purposes of stress relief, seeing each other more relaxed, interacting, and having fun!

Routines for sleep are especially important. To fall asleep under normal circumstances requires a sense of safety, perhaps for evolutionary reasons because of the vulnerability of the paralysis that is part of REM sleep stages. Fear at bedtime is common in young children, as is disorientation in the elderly. Both respond to reassuring bedtime routines done the same way every night, such as brushing teeth, changing clothes, washing up, reading or being read to, and praying – if these were the previous habit. When there has been a major disruption, these routines take on added importance, even if some modifications need to be made in sleep location, privacy, etc. Keeping schedules for naps, bedtime, and wake time as stable as possible makes sleep onset easier and sleep maintenance more likely. It also increases the chances of adequate sleep duration. Getting enough sleep stabilizes mood, reduces irritability, and improves daytime concentration and problem-solving skills. These all are especially needed by adults as well as children when there are major disruptions.

Maintaining chores at times of disruption can be extra difficult, plus this may seem to parents like an added stress for their already-stressed child. But in fact, children are reassured by adults’ continuing these requirements. Not only is an expectation that chores be done a signal that life can be expected to proceed normally, but having children do things to help – such as cleaning up, restocking soap and towels, or emptying trash – gives them an active role and hence some sense of control.

Discipline is, in essence, also a routine. Maintaining standards for kindness to others and following rules can be especially difficult when life has been disrupted because emotional lability is more likely in both adults and children when severely stressed. It is important for parents to consider the source of the misbehavior as possibly stress related and to interrupt it in a gentle and understanding way. A parent might say: “I know you are upset by all the changes. It is even more important now than ever to be kind to your brother.” Under stressful conditions, it is especially important to ask how the child was feeling when acting up, but also to “speak for them” about possible stress-related reasons for their behavior. While parents may correctly say that their child will “take advantage of this excuse,” it is still a teaching opportunity. Children have little insight into these connections to their feelings and actions, but they can learn.

Times when old patterns are disrupted also are times for making new habits. The main new habit I recommend for stress relief and overall mental health are the practices of mindfulness or meditation. Mindfulness may be easier to teach children as it involves paying close attention to one’s thoughts, feelings, and sensations, but doing this without judgment. Children often are naturally better at this than adults, who have layered on more experiences to their thoughts. We pediatricians, as well as the parents we serve, can benefit – especially in stressful times – from sharing in the simple ways children experience the world.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

These are tough times for families, children, and practices. In this case, the entire world is going through it at the same time, leaving no escape. There are so many new things each of us needs to do, and for some of the challenges, we are completely thwarted by safety restrictions from doing anything. Adults and children alike are trying to work or learn at home in new ways. This also means that old daily routines have been broken. The sense of disorientation is pervasive. Although it is only one part of what is needed, reestablishing routines can go a long way toward restoring a sense of control and meaning that you can institute for yourself and recommend to your patients.

Wavebreakmedia/Thinkstock

Routines are important for both physical and mental health at every age and time, but especially when a major change is occurring. Examples of such change include natural disasters such as COVID-19, deaths, or separations from loved ones, but also moving, job loss, or new financial instability. Many families and many doctors and staff are experiencing several of these at once these days.

Evidence from studies of times of major disruption such as divorce, a death, war, and natural disasters show that parenting tends to shift to being less organized, with less overall discipline or more arbitrary punishment, and, in some cases, less parent-child connection. Children, on their part, also tend to act differently under these conditions. They are more irritable, upset, anxious, clingy, and aggressive, and also tend to regress in recent developmental achievements such as maintaining toileting and sleep patterns. Parents often do not see the connection to the stress and react to these behaviors in ways that may make things worse by scolding or punishing.

I was really surprised to hear Daniel Kahneman, PhD, Nobel laureate in economics, talk about how even he has trouble judging risk based on mathematical probability. Instead, he recognizes that adults decide about risk based on the behavior of the people around them – when others act worried or agitated, the person does too. Children, even more than adults, must decide if they are safe based on the behavior of the adults around them. When parents maintain routines as closely as possible after a major disruption, children feel reassured that they can expect continuity of their relationship – their most important lifeboat. If their parents keep doing the things they are used to, children basically feel safe.

Simple aspects of sameness important to children are very familiar to pediatricians: always wanting the same spoon, the sandwich cut the same way, only chicken nuggets from a certain store. This tends to be true in typically developing toddlers, preschool, and some school-aged children. The desire to have the same story read to them multiple times – until parents are ready to scream! – is another sign of the importance of predictable routines to children. All of these are best accommodated during times of stress rather than trying to “avoid making a bad habit.” All disruptions of routine are even more disorienting for children with intellectual disabilities or those on the autism spectrum who are generally less able to understand or control their world. Children and adults with preexisting anxiety disorders also are more likely to have more severe reactions to major disruptions and need extra understanding.

Routines for eating at least something at regular times – even if the food is not as interesting as prior fare – provide a sense of security, as well as stabilizing blood sugar and bowel patterns. Keeping patterns of washing hands, sitting together as a family, and interacting in conversation, rather than watching TV news, allow an oasis of respite from ongoing stresses. Family meals are also known to promote learning, vocabulary growth, and better behavior.

Setting a schedule for schooling, play, hygiene, and exercise may seem silly when parents and children are home all day, but it instills a sense of meaning to the day. Making a visual schedule for younger children or a written or online one for older children can be a shared activity in itself. I remember hearing about how important changing clothes and cleaning teeth were to prisoners of war during World War II in maintaining a sense of normalcy in that time of chaos.

Exercise is particularly important to set as a routine as it directly reduces stress – even if it may need to take new forms. While there are lots of online exercise programs for adults, it is better for everyone to go outside if they can manage adequate personal spacing. There they can experience the orderly changing of the seasons and the weather, as well as soak up some sunshine. Interactive parent-child play serves multiple purposes of stress relief, seeing each other more relaxed, interacting, and having fun!

Routines for sleep are especially important. To fall asleep under normal circumstances requires a sense of safety, perhaps for evolutionary reasons because of the vulnerability of the paralysis that is part of REM sleep stages. Fear at bedtime is common in young children, as is disorientation in the elderly. Both respond to reassuring bedtime routines done the same way every night, such as brushing teeth, changing clothes, washing up, reading or being read to, and praying – if these were the previous habit. When there has been a major disruption, these routines take on added importance, even if some modifications need to be made in sleep location, privacy, etc. Keeping schedules for naps, bedtime, and wake time as stable as possible makes sleep onset easier and sleep maintenance more likely. It also increases the chances of adequate sleep duration. Getting enough sleep stabilizes mood, reduces irritability, and improves daytime concentration and problem-solving skills. These all are especially needed by adults as well as children when there are major disruptions.

Maintaining chores at times of disruption can be extra difficult, plus this may seem to parents like an added stress for their already-stressed child. But in fact, children are reassured by adults’ continuing these requirements. Not only is an expectation that chores be done a signal that life can be expected to proceed normally, but having children do things to help – such as cleaning up, restocking soap and towels, or emptying trash – gives them an active role and hence some sense of control.

Discipline is, in essence, also a routine. Maintaining standards for kindness to others and following rules can be especially difficult when life has been disrupted because emotional lability is more likely in both adults and children when severely stressed. It is important for parents to consider the source of the misbehavior as possibly stress related and to interrupt it in a gentle and understanding way. A parent might say: “I know you are upset by all the changes. It is even more important now than ever to be kind to your brother.” Under stressful conditions, it is especially important to ask how the child was feeling when acting up, but also to “speak for them” about possible stress-related reasons for their behavior. While parents may correctly say that their child will “take advantage of this excuse,” it is still a teaching opportunity. Children have little insight into these connections to their feelings and actions, but they can learn.

Times when old patterns are disrupted also are times for making new habits. The main new habit I recommend for stress relief and overall mental health are the practices of mindfulness or meditation. Mindfulness may be easier to teach children as it involves paying close attention to one’s thoughts, feelings, and sensations, but doing this without judgment. Children often are naturally better at this than adults, who have layered on more experiences to their thoughts. We pediatricians, as well as the parents we serve, can benefit – especially in stressful times – from sharing in the simple ways children experience the world.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

These are tough times for families, children, and practices. In this case, the entire world is going through it at the same time, leaving no escape. There are so many new things each of us needs to do, and for some of the challenges, we are completely thwarted by safety restrictions from doing anything. Adults and children alike are trying to work or learn at home in new ways. This also means that old daily routines have been broken. The sense of disorientation is pervasive. Although it is only one part of what is needed, reestablishing routines can go a long way toward restoring a sense of control and meaning that you can institute for yourself and recommend to your patients.

Wavebreakmedia/Thinkstock

Routines are important for both physical and mental health at every age and time, but especially when a major change is occurring. Examples of such change include natural disasters such as COVID-19, deaths, or separations from loved ones, but also moving, job loss, or new financial instability. Many families and many doctors and staff are experiencing several of these at once these days.

Evidence from studies of times of major disruption such as divorce, a death, war, and natural disasters show that parenting tends to shift to being less organized, with less overall discipline or more arbitrary punishment, and, in some cases, less parent-child connection. Children, on their part, also tend to act differently under these conditions. They are more irritable, upset, anxious, clingy, and aggressive, and also tend to regress in recent developmental achievements such as maintaining toileting and sleep patterns. Parents often do not see the connection to the stress and react to these behaviors in ways that may make things worse by scolding or punishing.

I was really surprised to hear Daniel Kahneman, PhD, Nobel laureate in economics, talk about how even he has trouble judging risk based on mathematical probability. Instead, he recognizes that adults decide about risk based on the behavior of the people around them – when others act worried or agitated, the person does too. Children, even more than adults, must decide if they are safe based on the behavior of the adults around them. When parents maintain routines as closely as possible after a major disruption, children feel reassured that they can expect continuity of their relationship – their most important lifeboat. If their parents keep doing the things they are used to, children basically feel safe.

Simple aspects of sameness important to children are very familiar to pediatricians: always wanting the same spoon, the sandwich cut the same way, only chicken nuggets from a certain store. This tends to be true in typically developing toddlers, preschool, and some school-aged children. The desire to have the same story read to them multiple times – until parents are ready to scream! – is another sign of the importance of predictable routines to children. All of these are best accommodated during times of stress rather than trying to “avoid making a bad habit.” All disruptions of routine are even more disorienting for children with intellectual disabilities or those on the autism spectrum who are generally less able to understand or control their world. Children and adults with preexisting anxiety disorders also are more likely to have more severe reactions to major disruptions and need extra understanding.

Routines for eating at least something at regular times – even if the food is not as interesting as prior fare – provide a sense of security, as well as stabilizing blood sugar and bowel patterns. Keeping patterns of washing hands, sitting together as a family, and interacting in conversation, rather than watching TV news, allow an oasis of respite from ongoing stresses. Family meals are also known to promote learning, vocabulary growth, and better behavior.

Setting a schedule for schooling, play, hygiene, and exercise may seem silly when parents and children are home all day, but it instills a sense of meaning to the day. Making a visual schedule for younger children or a written or online one for older children can be a shared activity in itself. I remember hearing about how important changing clothes and cleaning teeth were to prisoners of war during World War II in maintaining a sense of normalcy in that time of chaos.

Exercise is particularly important to set as a routine as it directly reduces stress – even if it may need to take new forms. While there are lots of online exercise programs for adults, it is better for everyone to go outside if they can manage adequate personal spacing. There they can experience the orderly changing of the seasons and the weather, as well as soak up some sunshine. Interactive parent-child play serves multiple purposes of stress relief, seeing each other more relaxed, interacting, and having fun!

Routines for sleep are especially important. To fall asleep under normal circumstances requires a sense of safety, perhaps for evolutionary reasons because of the vulnerability of the paralysis that is part of REM sleep stages. Fear at bedtime is common in young children, as is disorientation in the elderly. Both respond to reassuring bedtime routines done the same way every night, such as brushing teeth, changing clothes, washing up, reading or being read to, and praying – if these were the previous habit. When there has been a major disruption, these routines take on added importance, even if some modifications need to be made in sleep location, privacy, etc. Keeping schedules for naps, bedtime, and wake time as stable as possible makes sleep onset easier and sleep maintenance more likely. It also increases the chances of adequate sleep duration. Getting enough sleep stabilizes mood, reduces irritability, and improves daytime concentration and problem-solving skills. These all are especially needed by adults as well as children when there are major disruptions.

Maintaining chores at times of disruption can be extra difficult, plus this may seem to parents like an added stress for their already-stressed child. But in fact, children are reassured by adults’ continuing these requirements. Not only is an expectation that chores be done a signal that life can be expected to proceed normally, but having children do things to help – such as cleaning up, restocking soap and towels, or emptying trash – gives them an active role and hence some sense of control.

Discipline is, in essence, also a routine. Maintaining standards for kindness to others and following rules can be especially difficult when life has been disrupted because emotional lability is more likely in both adults and children when severely stressed. It is important for parents to consider the source of the misbehavior as possibly stress related and to interrupt it in a gentle and understanding way. A parent might say: “I know you are upset by all the changes. It is even more important now than ever to be kind to your brother.” Under stressful conditions, it is especially important to ask how the child was feeling when acting up, but also to “speak for them” about possible stress-related reasons for their behavior. While parents may correctly say that their child will “take advantage of this excuse,” it is still a teaching opportunity. Children have little insight into these connections to their feelings and actions, but they can learn.

Times when old patterns are disrupted also are times for making new habits. The main new habit I recommend for stress relief and overall mental health are the practices of mindfulness or meditation. Mindfulness may be easier to teach children as it involves paying close attention to one’s thoughts, feelings, and sensations, but doing this without judgment. Children often are naturally better at this than adults, who have layered on more experiences to their thoughts. We pediatricians, as well as the parents we serve, can benefit – especially in stressful times – from sharing in the simple ways children experience the world.

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. Email her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

“Not my son!” your patient’s parent rants. “If he lies to me, he will regret it for a long time.” While your first reaction may be to agree that a child lying to a parent crosses a kind of moral line in the sand, lying is a far more nuanced part of parenting worth a deeper understanding.

fizkes/Getty Images

In order to lie, a child has to develop cognitive and social understanding. Typically developing children look to see what is interesting to others, called “joint attention,” at around 12-18 months. Failure to do this is one of the early signs of autism reflecting atypical social understanding. At around 3.5 years, children may attempt to deceive if they have broken a rule. The study demonstrating this may sound a lot like home: Children are left alone with a tempting toy but told not to touch it. Although they do touch it while the adult is out of sight, they say rather sweetly (and eventually convincingly) that they did not, even though the toy was clearly moved! While boys generally have more behavior problems, girls and children with better verbal skills achieve deceit at an earlier age, some as young as 2 years. At this stage, children become aware that the adult can’t know exactly what they know. If the parent shows high emotion to what they consider a lie, this can be a topic for testing! Children with ADHD often lack the inhibition needed for early mastery of deception, and children with autism later or not at all. They don’t see the social point to lying nor can they fake a facial expression. They have a case of intractable honesty!

The inability to refrain from telling the truth can result in social rejection, for example when a child rats on a peer for a trivial misdeed in class. Even though he is speaking the truth and “following the (teacher’s) rules,” he did not see that the cost of breaking the (peer) social rules was more important. By age 6 years, children typically figure out that what another person thinks may not be true – their belief may be incorrect or a “false belief.” This understanding is called Theory of Mind, missing or delayed in autism. Only 40% of high-functioning children with autism passed false belief testing at ages 6- to 13-years-old, compared with 95% of typical age-matched peers (Physiol Behav. 2010 Jun 1;100[3]:268-76). The percentage of children on the spectrum understanding false beliefs more closely matched that of preschoolers (39%). At a later age and given extra time to think, some children with autism can do better at this kind of perspective taking, but many continue having difficulty understanding thoughts of others, especially social expectations or motivations (such as flirting, status seeking, and making an excuse) even as adults. This can impair social relationships even when desire to fit in and IQ are otherwise high.

On the other hand, ADHD is a common condition in which “lying” comes from saying the first thing that comes to mind even if the child knows otherwise. A wise parent of one of my patients with ADHD told me about her “30 second rule” where she would give her child that extra time and walk away briefly to “be sure that is what you wanted to say,” with praise rather than give a consequence for changing the story to the truth. This is an important concept we pediatricians need to know: Punishing lying in children tends to result in more, not less, lying and more sneakiness. Instead, parents need to be advised to recall the origins of the word discipline as being “to teach.”

When children lie there are four basic scenarios: They may not know the rules, they may know but have something they want more, they may be impulsive, or they may have developed an attitude of seeking to con the adults whom they feel are mean as a way to have some power in the relationship and get back at them. Clearly, we do not want to push children to this fourth resort by harsh reactions to lying. We have seen particular difficulty with harsh reactions to lying in parents from strong, rule-oriented careers such as police officers, military, and ministers. Asking “How would your parent have handled this?” often will reveal reasons for their tough but backfiring stance.

Lying can work to get what one wants and nearly all children try it. Parents can be reassured that lying is developmental progress and actually a social survival skill! As with other new milestones, children practice this “skill,” much to parents’ dismay. Parents generally can tell if children are lying; they see it on their faces, hear the story from siblings, or see evidence of what happened. Lying provides an important opportunity for the adult to stop, take some breaths, touch the child, and empathize: “It is hard to admit a mistake. I know you did not mean to do it. But you are young, and I know that you are good and honest inside, and will get stronger and braver at telling the truth as you get older. Will you promise to try harder?” In some cases a consequence may be appropriate, for example if something was broken. Usually, simply empathizing and focusing on the expectation for improvement will increase the child’s desire to please the parents rather than get back at them. Actual rewards for honesty improve truth telling by 1.5 times if the reward is big enough.

But it is important to recognize that we all make split second tactical decisions about our actions based on how safe we feel in the situation and our knowledge of social rules and costs. Children over time need to learn that it is safe to tell the truth among family members and that they will not be harshly dealt with. It is a subtle task, but important to learn that deception is a tool that can be important used judiciously when required socially (I have a curfew) or in dangerous situations (I did not see the thug), but can undermine relationships and should not be used with your allies (family and friends).

But parenting involves lying also, which can be a model for the child. Sarcasm is a peculiar form of problematic adult lying. The adults say the opposite or an exaggeration of what they really mean, usually with a smirk or other nonverbal cue to their intent. This is confusing, if not infuriating, to immature children or those who do not understand this twisted communication. It is best to avoid sarcasm with children, or at least be sure to explain it so the children gain understanding over time.

Parents need to “lie” to their children to some extent to reassure and allow for development of confidence. What adult hasn’t said “It’s going to be all right” about a looming storm, car crash, or illness, when actually there is uncertainty. Children count on adults to keep them safe emotionally and physically from things they can’t yet handle. To move forward developmentally, children need adults to be brave leaders, even when the adults don’t feel confident. Some parents think their children must know the “truth” in every instance. Those children are often painfully anxious and overwhelmed.

There is plenty of time for more facts later when the child has the thinking and emotional power to handle the truth.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

“Not my son!” your patient’s parent rants. “If he lies to me, he will regret it for a long time.” While your first reaction may be to agree that a child lying to a parent crosses a kind of moral line in the sand, lying is a far more nuanced part of parenting worth a deeper understanding.

fizkes/Getty Images

In order to lie, a child has to develop cognitive and social understanding. Typically developing children look to see what is interesting to others, called “joint attention,” at around 12-18 months. Failure to do this is one of the early signs of autism reflecting atypical social understanding. At around 3.5 years, children may attempt to deceive if they have broken a rule. The study demonstrating this may sound a lot like home: Children are left alone with a tempting toy but told not to touch it. Although they do touch it while the adult is out of sight, they say rather sweetly (and eventually convincingly) that they did not, even though the toy was clearly moved! While boys generally have more behavior problems, girls and children with better verbal skills achieve deceit at an earlier age, some as young as 2 years. At this stage, children become aware that the adult can’t know exactly what they know. If the parent shows high emotion to what they consider a lie, this can be a topic for testing! Children with ADHD often lack the inhibition needed for early mastery of deception, and children with autism later or not at all. They don’t see the social point to lying nor can they fake a facial expression. They have a case of intractable honesty!

The inability to refrain from telling the truth can result in social rejection, for example when a child rats on a peer for a trivial misdeed in class. Even though he is speaking the truth and “following the (teacher’s) rules,” he did not see that the cost of breaking the (peer) social rules was more important. By age 6 years, children typically figure out that what another person thinks may not be true – their belief may be incorrect or a “false belief.” This understanding is called Theory of Mind, missing or delayed in autism. Only 40% of high-functioning children with autism passed false belief testing at ages 6- to 13-years-old, compared with 95% of typical age-matched peers (Physiol Behav. 2010 Jun 1;100[3]:268-76). The percentage of children on the spectrum understanding false beliefs more closely matched that of preschoolers (39%). At a later age and given extra time to think, some children with autism can do better at this kind of perspective taking, but many continue having difficulty understanding thoughts of others, especially social expectations or motivations (such as flirting, status seeking, and making an excuse) even as adults. This can impair social relationships even when desire to fit in and IQ are otherwise high.

On the other hand, ADHD is a common condition in which “lying” comes from saying the first thing that comes to mind even if the child knows otherwise. A wise parent of one of my patients with ADHD told me about her “30 second rule” where she would give her child that extra time and walk away briefly to “be sure that is what you wanted to say,” with praise rather than give a consequence for changing the story to the truth. This is an important concept we pediatricians need to know: Punishing lying in children tends to result in more, not less, lying and more sneakiness. Instead, parents need to be advised to recall the origins of the word discipline as being “to teach.”

When children lie there are four basic scenarios: They may not know the rules, they may know but have something they want more, they may be impulsive, or they may have developed an attitude of seeking to con the adults whom they feel are mean as a way to have some power in the relationship and get back at them. Clearly, we do not want to push children to this fourth resort by harsh reactions to lying. We have seen particular difficulty with harsh reactions to lying in parents from strong, rule-oriented careers such as police officers, military, and ministers. Asking “How would your parent have handled this?” often will reveal reasons for their tough but backfiring stance.

Lying can work to get what one wants and nearly all children try it. Parents can be reassured that lying is developmental progress and actually a social survival skill! As with other new milestones, children practice this “skill,” much to parents’ dismay. Parents generally can tell if children are lying; they see it on their faces, hear the story from siblings, or see evidence of what happened. Lying provides an important opportunity for the adult to stop, take some breaths, touch the child, and empathize: “It is hard to admit a mistake. I know you did not mean to do it. But you are young, and I know that you are good and honest inside, and will get stronger and braver at telling the truth as you get older. Will you promise to try harder?” In some cases a consequence may be appropriate, for example if something was broken. Usually, simply empathizing and focusing on the expectation for improvement will increase the child’s desire to please the parents rather than get back at them. Actual rewards for honesty improve truth telling by 1.5 times if the reward is big enough.

But it is important to recognize that we all make split second tactical decisions about our actions based on how safe we feel in the situation and our knowledge of social rules and costs. Children over time need to learn that it is safe to tell the truth among family members and that they will not be harshly dealt with. It is a subtle task, but important to learn that deception is a tool that can be important used judiciously when required socially (I have a curfew) or in dangerous situations (I did not see the thug), but can undermine relationships and should not be used with your allies (family and friends).

But parenting involves lying also, which can be a model for the child. Sarcasm is a peculiar form of problematic adult lying. The adults say the opposite or an exaggeration of what they really mean, usually with a smirk or other nonverbal cue to their intent. This is confusing, if not infuriating, to immature children or those who do not understand this twisted communication. It is best to avoid sarcasm with children, or at least be sure to explain it so the children gain understanding over time.

Parents need to “lie” to their children to some extent to reassure and allow for development of confidence. What adult hasn’t said “It’s going to be all right” about a looming storm, car crash, or illness, when actually there is uncertainty. Children count on adults to keep them safe emotionally and physically from things they can’t yet handle. To move forward developmentally, children need adults to be brave leaders, even when the adults don’t feel confident. Some parents think their children must know the “truth” in every instance. Those children are often painfully anxious and overwhelmed.

There is plenty of time for more facts later when the child has the thinking and emotional power to handle the truth.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

“Not my son!” your patient’s parent rants. “If he lies to me, he will regret it for a long time.” While your first reaction may be to agree that a child lying to a parent crosses a kind of moral line in the sand, lying is a far more nuanced part of parenting worth a deeper understanding.

fizkes/Getty Images

In order to lie, a child has to develop cognitive and social understanding. Typically developing children look to see what is interesting to others, called “joint attention,” at around 12-18 months. Failure to do this is one of the early signs of autism reflecting atypical social understanding. At around 3.5 years, children may attempt to deceive if they have broken a rule. The study demonstrating this may sound a lot like home: Children are left alone with a tempting toy but told not to touch it. Although they do touch it while the adult is out of sight, they say rather sweetly (and eventually convincingly) that they did not, even though the toy was clearly moved! While boys generally have more behavior problems, girls and children with better verbal skills achieve deceit at an earlier age, some as young as 2 years. At this stage, children become aware that the adult can’t know exactly what they know. If the parent shows high emotion to what they consider a lie, this can be a topic for testing! Children with ADHD often lack the inhibition needed for early mastery of deception, and children with autism later or not at all. They don’t see the social point to lying nor can they fake a facial expression. They have a case of intractable honesty!

The inability to refrain from telling the truth can result in social rejection, for example when a child rats on a peer for a trivial misdeed in class. Even though he is speaking the truth and “following the (teacher’s) rules,” he did not see that the cost of breaking the (peer) social rules was more important. By age 6 years, children typically figure out that what another person thinks may not be true – their belief may be incorrect or a “false belief.” This understanding is called Theory of Mind, missing or delayed in autism. Only 40% of high-functioning children with autism passed false belief testing at ages 6- to 13-years-old, compared with 95% of typical age-matched peers (Physiol Behav. 2010 Jun 1;100[3]:268-76). The percentage of children on the spectrum understanding false beliefs more closely matched that of preschoolers (39%). At a later age and given extra time to think, some children with autism can do better at this kind of perspective taking, but many continue having difficulty understanding thoughts of others, especially social expectations or motivations (such as flirting, status seeking, and making an excuse) even as adults. This can impair social relationships even when desire to fit in and IQ are otherwise high.

On the other hand, ADHD is a common condition in which “lying” comes from saying the first thing that comes to mind even if the child knows otherwise. A wise parent of one of my patients with ADHD told me about her “30 second rule” where she would give her child that extra time and walk away briefly to “be sure that is what you wanted to say,” with praise rather than give a consequence for changing the story to the truth. This is an important concept we pediatricians need to know: Punishing lying in children tends to result in more, not less, lying and more sneakiness. Instead, parents need to be advised to recall the origins of the word discipline as being “to teach.”

When children lie there are four basic scenarios: They may not know the rules, they may know but have something they want more, they may be impulsive, or they may have developed an attitude of seeking to con the adults whom they feel are mean as a way to have some power in the relationship and get back at them. Clearly, we do not want to push children to this fourth resort by harsh reactions to lying. We have seen particular difficulty with harsh reactions to lying in parents from strong, rule-oriented careers such as police officers, military, and ministers. Asking “How would your parent have handled this?” often will reveal reasons for their tough but backfiring stance.

Lying can work to get what one wants and nearly all children try it. Parents can be reassured that lying is developmental progress and actually a social survival skill! As with other new milestones, children practice this “skill,” much to parents’ dismay. Parents generally can tell if children are lying; they see it on their faces, hear the story from siblings, or see evidence of what happened. Lying provides an important opportunity for the adult to stop, take some breaths, touch the child, and empathize: “It is hard to admit a mistake. I know you did not mean to do it. But you are young, and I know that you are good and honest inside, and will get stronger and braver at telling the truth as you get older. Will you promise to try harder?” In some cases a consequence may be appropriate, for example if something was broken. Usually, simply empathizing and focusing on the expectation for improvement will increase the child’s desire to please the parents rather than get back at them. Actual rewards for honesty improve truth telling by 1.5 times if the reward is big enough.

But it is important to recognize that we all make split second tactical decisions about our actions based on how safe we feel in the situation and our knowledge of social rules and costs. Children over time need to learn that it is safe to tell the truth among family members and that they will not be harshly dealt with. It is a subtle task, but important to learn that deception is a tool that can be important used judiciously when required socially (I have a curfew) or in dangerous situations (I did not see the thug), but can undermine relationships and should not be used with your allies (family and friends).

But parenting involves lying also, which can be a model for the child. Sarcasm is a peculiar form of problematic adult lying. The adults say the opposite or an exaggeration of what they really mean, usually with a smirk or other nonverbal cue to their intent. This is confusing, if not infuriating, to immature children or those who do not understand this twisted communication. It is best to avoid sarcasm with children, or at least be sure to explain it so the children gain understanding over time.

Parents need to “lie” to their children to some extent to reassure and allow for development of confidence. What adult hasn’t said “It’s going to be all right” about a looming storm, car crash, or illness, when actually there is uncertainty. Children count on adults to keep them safe emotionally and physically from things they can’t yet handle. To move forward developmentally, children need adults to be brave leaders, even when the adults don’t feel confident. Some parents think their children must know the “truth” in every instance. Those children are often painfully anxious and overwhelmed.

There is plenty of time for more facts later when the child has the thinking and emotional power to handle the truth.
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

The day wouldn’t be so bad if he would just go to sleep at night! How many times have you heard this plea from parents of your patients with ADHD? Sleep is important for everyone, but getting enough is both more important and more difficult for children with ADHD. About three-quarters of children with ADHD have significant problems with sleep, most even before any medication treatment. And inadequate sleep can exacerbate or even cause ADHD symptoms!

SeventyFour/iStock/Getty Images

Solving sleep problems for children with ADHD is not always simple. The kinds of sleep issues that are more common in children (and adults) with ADHD, compared with typical children, include behavioral bedtime resistance, circadian rhythm sleep disorder (CRSD), insomnia, morning sleepiness, night waking, periodic limb movement disorder (PLMD), restless leg syndrome (RLS), and sleep disordered breathing (SDB). Such a broad differential means a careful history and sometimes even lab studies may be needed.

Both initial and follow-up visits for ADHD should include a sleep history or, ideally, a tool such as BEARS sleep screening tool or Children’s Sleep Habits Questionnaire and a 2-week sleep diary (http://www.sleepfoundation.org/). These are good ways to collect signs of allergies or apnea (for SDB), limb movements or limb pain (for RLS or PLMD), mouth breathing, night waking, and snoring.

You also need to ask about alcohol, drugs, caffeine, and nicotine; asthma; comorbid conditions such as mental health disorders or their treatments; and enuresis (alone or part of nocturnal seizures).

Do I need to remind you to find out about electronics activating the child before bedtime – hidden under the covers, or signaling messages from friends in the middle of the night – and to encourage limits on these? Some sleep disorders warrant polysomnography in a sleep lab or from MyZeo.com (for PLMD and some SDB) or ferritin less than 50 mg/L (for RLS) for diagnosis and to guide treatment. Nasal steroids, antihistamines, or montelukast may help SDB when there are enlarged tonsils or adenoids, but adenotonsillectomy is usually curative.

The first line and most effective treatment for sleep problems in children with or without ADHD is improving sleep hygiene. Improved sleep “hygiene” sounds easy, but for children with ADHD and their parents, who often have ADHD too, changing behaviors can be tough! The key component is establishing habits for the entire sleep cycle: a steady pattern of reduced stimulation in the hour before bedtime (sans electronics); a friendly rather than irritated bedtime routine; and the same bedtime and wake up time, ideally 7 days per week. Bedtime stories read to the child can soothe at any age, not just toddlers! Of course, both children and families want fun and special occasions. For most, varying bedtime by up to 1 hour won’t mess up their biological clock, but for some even this should be avoided. Sleeping alone in a cool, dark, quiet room, nightly in the same bed (not used for other activities), is considered the ideal. Earplugs, white noise generators, and eye masks may be helpful. If sleeping with siblings is a necessity, bedtimes can be staggered to put the child to bed earlier or after others are asleep.

Struggles postponing bedtime may be part of a pattern of oppositionality common in ADHD, but the child may not be tired due to being off schedule (from CRSD), napping on the bus or after school, sleeping in mornings, or unrealistic parent expectations for sleep duration. Parents may want their hyperactive children to give them a break and go to bed at 8 p.m., but children aged 6-10 years need only 10-11 hours and those aged 10-17 years need 8.5-9.25 hours of sleep.

Not tired may instead be “wired” from lingering stimulant effects or even lack of such medication leaving the child overactive or rebounding from earlier medications. Lower afternoon doses or shorter-acting medication may solve lasting medication issues, but sometimes an additional low dose of stimulants actually will help a child with ADHD settle at bedtime. All stimulant medications can prolong sleep onset, often by 30 minutes, but this varies by individual and tends to resolve on its own a few weeks after a new or changed medicine. Switching medication category may allow a child to fall asleep faster. Atomoxetine and alpha agonists are less likely to delay sleep than methylphenidate (MPH).

What if sleep hygiene, behavioral methods, and adjusting ADHD medications is not enough? If sleep issues are causing significant problems, medication for sleep is worth a try. Controlled-release melatonin 1-2 hours before bedtime has data for effectiveness. There is no defined dose, so the lowest effective dose should be used, but 3-6 mg may be needed. Because many families with a child with ADHD are not organized enough to give medicine on this schedule, sublingual melatonin that acts in 15-20 minutes is a good alternative or even first choice. Clonidine 0.05-0.2 mg 1 hour before bedtime speeds sleep onset, lasts 3 hours, and does not carry over to sedation the next day. Stronger psychopharmaceuticals can assist sleep onset, including low dose mirtazapine or trazodone, but have the side effect of daytime sleepiness.

Management of waking in the middle of the night can be more difficult to treat as sleep drive has been dissipated. First, consider whether trips out of bed reflect a sleep association that has not been extinguished. Daytime atomoxetine or, better yet, MPH may improve night waking, and sometimes even a low-dose evening, long-acting medication, such as osmotic release oral system (OROS) extended release methylphenidate HCL (OROS MPH), helps. Short-acting clonidine or melatonin in the middle of the night or bedtime mirtazapine or trazodone also may be worth a try.

When dealing with sleep, keep in mind that 50% or more of children with ADHD have a coexisting mental health disorder. Anxiety, separation anxiety, depression, and dysthymia all often affect sleep onset, night waking, and sometimes early morning waking. The child or teen may need extra reassurance or company at bedtime (siblings or pets may suffice). Reading positive stories or playing soft music may be better at setting a positive mood and sense of safety for sleep, certainly more so than social media, which should be avoided.

Keep in mind that substance use is more common in ADHD as well as with those other mental health conditions and can interfere with restful sleep and make RLS worse. Bipolar disorder can be mistaken for ADHD as it often presents with hyperactivity but also can be comorbid. Sleep problems are increased sixfold when both are present. Prolonged periods awake at night and diminished need for sleep are signs that help differentiate bipolar from ADHD. Medication management for the bipolar disorder with atypicals can reduce sleep latency and reduce REM sleep, but also causes morning fatigue. Medications to treat other mental health problems can help sleep onset (for example, anticonvulsants, atypicals), or prolong it (SSRIs), change REM states (atypicals), and even exacerbate RLS (SSRIs). You can make changes or work with the child’s mental health specialist if medications are causing significant sleep problems.

When we help improve sleep for children with ADHD, it can lessen not only ADHD symptoms but also some symptoms of other mental health disorders, improve learning and behavior, and greatly improve family quality of life!
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

The day wouldn’t be so bad if he would just go to sleep at night! How many times have you heard this plea from parents of your patients with ADHD? Sleep is important for everyone, but getting enough is both more important and more difficult for children with ADHD. About three-quarters of children with ADHD have significant problems with sleep, most even before any medication treatment. And inadequate sleep can exacerbate or even cause ADHD symptoms!

SeventyFour/iStock/Getty Images

Solving sleep problems for children with ADHD is not always simple. The kinds of sleep issues that are more common in children (and adults) with ADHD, compared with typical children, include behavioral bedtime resistance, circadian rhythm sleep disorder (CRSD), insomnia, morning sleepiness, night waking, periodic limb movement disorder (PLMD), restless leg syndrome (RLS), and sleep disordered breathing (SDB). Such a broad differential means a careful history and sometimes even lab studies may be needed.

Both initial and follow-up visits for ADHD should include a sleep history or, ideally, a tool such as BEARS sleep screening tool or Children’s Sleep Habits Questionnaire and a 2-week sleep diary (http://www.sleepfoundation.org/). These are good ways to collect signs of allergies or apnea (for SDB), limb movements or limb pain (for RLS or PLMD), mouth breathing, night waking, and snoring.

You also need to ask about alcohol, drugs, caffeine, and nicotine; asthma; comorbid conditions such as mental health disorders or their treatments; and enuresis (alone or part of nocturnal seizures).

Do I need to remind you to find out about electronics activating the child before bedtime – hidden under the covers, or signaling messages from friends in the middle of the night – and to encourage limits on these? Some sleep disorders warrant polysomnography in a sleep lab or from MyZeo.com (for PLMD and some SDB) or ferritin less than 50 mg/L (for RLS) for diagnosis and to guide treatment. Nasal steroids, antihistamines, or montelukast may help SDB when there are enlarged tonsils or adenoids, but adenotonsillectomy is usually curative.

The first line and most effective treatment for sleep problems in children with or without ADHD is improving sleep hygiene. Improved sleep “hygiene” sounds easy, but for children with ADHD and their parents, who often have ADHD too, changing behaviors can be tough! The key component is establishing habits for the entire sleep cycle: a steady pattern of reduced stimulation in the hour before bedtime (sans electronics); a friendly rather than irritated bedtime routine; and the same bedtime and wake up time, ideally 7 days per week. Bedtime stories read to the child can soothe at any age, not just toddlers! Of course, both children and families want fun and special occasions. For most, varying bedtime by up to 1 hour won’t mess up their biological clock, but for some even this should be avoided. Sleeping alone in a cool, dark, quiet room, nightly in the same bed (not used for other activities), is considered the ideal. Earplugs, white noise generators, and eye masks may be helpful. If sleeping with siblings is a necessity, bedtimes can be staggered to put the child to bed earlier or after others are asleep.

Struggles postponing bedtime may be part of a pattern of oppositionality common in ADHD, but the child may not be tired due to being off schedule (from CRSD), napping on the bus or after school, sleeping in mornings, or unrealistic parent expectations for sleep duration. Parents may want their hyperactive children to give them a break and go to bed at 8 p.m., but children aged 6-10 years need only 10-11 hours and those aged 10-17 years need 8.5-9.25 hours of sleep.

Not tired may instead be “wired” from lingering stimulant effects or even lack of such medication leaving the child overactive or rebounding from earlier medications. Lower afternoon doses or shorter-acting medication may solve lasting medication issues, but sometimes an additional low dose of stimulants actually will help a child with ADHD settle at bedtime. All stimulant medications can prolong sleep onset, often by 30 minutes, but this varies by individual and tends to resolve on its own a few weeks after a new or changed medicine. Switching medication category may allow a child to fall asleep faster. Atomoxetine and alpha agonists are less likely to delay sleep than methylphenidate (MPH).

What if sleep hygiene, behavioral methods, and adjusting ADHD medications is not enough? If sleep issues are causing significant problems, medication for sleep is worth a try. Controlled-release melatonin 1-2 hours before bedtime has data for effectiveness. There is no defined dose, so the lowest effective dose should be used, but 3-6 mg may be needed. Because many families with a child with ADHD are not organized enough to give medicine on this schedule, sublingual melatonin that acts in 15-20 minutes is a good alternative or even first choice. Clonidine 0.05-0.2 mg 1 hour before bedtime speeds sleep onset, lasts 3 hours, and does not carry over to sedation the next day. Stronger psychopharmaceuticals can assist sleep onset, including low dose mirtazapine or trazodone, but have the side effect of daytime sleepiness.

Management of waking in the middle of the night can be more difficult to treat as sleep drive has been dissipated. First, consider whether trips out of bed reflect a sleep association that has not been extinguished. Daytime atomoxetine or, better yet, MPH may improve night waking, and sometimes even a low-dose evening, long-acting medication, such as osmotic release oral system (OROS) extended release methylphenidate HCL (OROS MPH), helps. Short-acting clonidine or melatonin in the middle of the night or bedtime mirtazapine or trazodone also may be worth a try.

When dealing with sleep, keep in mind that 50% or more of children with ADHD have a coexisting mental health disorder. Anxiety, separation anxiety, depression, and dysthymia all often affect sleep onset, night waking, and sometimes early morning waking. The child or teen may need extra reassurance or company at bedtime (siblings or pets may suffice). Reading positive stories or playing soft music may be better at setting a positive mood and sense of safety for sleep, certainly more so than social media, which should be avoided.

Keep in mind that substance use is more common in ADHD as well as with those other mental health conditions and can interfere with restful sleep and make RLS worse. Bipolar disorder can be mistaken for ADHD as it often presents with hyperactivity but also can be comorbid. Sleep problems are increased sixfold when both are present. Prolonged periods awake at night and diminished need for sleep are signs that help differentiate bipolar from ADHD. Medication management for the bipolar disorder with atypicals can reduce sleep latency and reduce REM sleep, but also causes morning fatigue. Medications to treat other mental health problems can help sleep onset (for example, anticonvulsants, atypicals), or prolong it (SSRIs), change REM states (atypicals), and even exacerbate RLS (SSRIs). You can make changes or work with the child’s mental health specialist if medications are causing significant sleep problems.

When we help improve sleep for children with ADHD, it can lessen not only ADHD symptoms but also some symptoms of other mental health disorders, improve learning and behavior, and greatly improve family quality of life!
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.

The day wouldn’t be so bad if he would just go to sleep at night! How many times have you heard this plea from parents of your patients with ADHD? Sleep is important for everyone, but getting enough is both more important and more difficult for children with ADHD. About three-quarters of children with ADHD have significant problems with sleep, most even before any medication treatment. And inadequate sleep can exacerbate or even cause ADHD symptoms!

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Solving sleep problems for children with ADHD is not always simple. The kinds of sleep issues that are more common in children (and adults) with ADHD, compared with typical children, include behavioral bedtime resistance, circadian rhythm sleep disorder (CRSD), insomnia, morning sleepiness, night waking, periodic limb movement disorder (PLMD), restless leg syndrome (RLS), and sleep disordered breathing (SDB). Such a broad differential means a careful history and sometimes even lab studies may be needed.

Both initial and follow-up visits for ADHD should include a sleep history or, ideally, a tool such as BEARS sleep screening tool or Children’s Sleep Habits Questionnaire and a 2-week sleep diary (http://www.sleepfoundation.org/). These are good ways to collect signs of allergies or apnea (for SDB), limb movements or limb pain (for RLS or PLMD), mouth breathing, night waking, and snoring.

You also need to ask about alcohol, drugs, caffeine, and nicotine; asthma; comorbid conditions such as mental health disorders or their treatments; and enuresis (alone or part of nocturnal seizures).

Do I need to remind you to find out about electronics activating the child before bedtime – hidden under the covers, or signaling messages from friends in the middle of the night – and to encourage limits on these? Some sleep disorders warrant polysomnography in a sleep lab or from MyZeo.com (for PLMD and some SDB) or ferritin less than 50 mg/L (for RLS) for diagnosis and to guide treatment. Nasal steroids, antihistamines, or montelukast may help SDB when there are enlarged tonsils or adenoids, but adenotonsillectomy is usually curative.

The first line and most effective treatment for sleep problems in children with or without ADHD is improving sleep hygiene. Improved sleep “hygiene” sounds easy, but for children with ADHD and their parents, who often have ADHD too, changing behaviors can be tough! The key component is establishing habits for the entire sleep cycle: a steady pattern of reduced stimulation in the hour before bedtime (sans electronics); a friendly rather than irritated bedtime routine; and the same bedtime and wake up time, ideally 7 days per week. Bedtime stories read to the child can soothe at any age, not just toddlers! Of course, both children and families want fun and special occasions. For most, varying bedtime by up to 1 hour won’t mess up their biological clock, but for some even this should be avoided. Sleeping alone in a cool, dark, quiet room, nightly in the same bed (not used for other activities), is considered the ideal. Earplugs, white noise generators, and eye masks may be helpful. If sleeping with siblings is a necessity, bedtimes can be staggered to put the child to bed earlier or after others are asleep.

Struggles postponing bedtime may be part of a pattern of oppositionality common in ADHD, but the child may not be tired due to being off schedule (from CRSD), napping on the bus or after school, sleeping in mornings, or unrealistic parent expectations for sleep duration. Parents may want their hyperactive children to give them a break and go to bed at 8 p.m., but children aged 6-10 years need only 10-11 hours and those aged 10-17 years need 8.5-9.25 hours of sleep.

Not tired may instead be “wired” from lingering stimulant effects or even lack of such medication leaving the child overactive or rebounding from earlier medications. Lower afternoon doses or shorter-acting medication may solve lasting medication issues, but sometimes an additional low dose of stimulants actually will help a child with ADHD settle at bedtime. All stimulant medications can prolong sleep onset, often by 30 minutes, but this varies by individual and tends to resolve on its own a few weeks after a new or changed medicine. Switching medication category may allow a child to fall asleep faster. Atomoxetine and alpha agonists are less likely to delay sleep than methylphenidate (MPH).

What if sleep hygiene, behavioral methods, and adjusting ADHD medications is not enough? If sleep issues are causing significant problems, medication for sleep is worth a try. Controlled-release melatonin 1-2 hours before bedtime has data for effectiveness. There is no defined dose, so the lowest effective dose should be used, but 3-6 mg may be needed. Because many families with a child with ADHD are not organized enough to give medicine on this schedule, sublingual melatonin that acts in 15-20 minutes is a good alternative or even first choice. Clonidine 0.05-0.2 mg 1 hour before bedtime speeds sleep onset, lasts 3 hours, and does not carry over to sedation the next day. Stronger psychopharmaceuticals can assist sleep onset, including low dose mirtazapine or trazodone, but have the side effect of daytime sleepiness.

Management of waking in the middle of the night can be more difficult to treat as sleep drive has been dissipated. First, consider whether trips out of bed reflect a sleep association that has not been extinguished. Daytime atomoxetine or, better yet, MPH may improve night waking, and sometimes even a low-dose evening, long-acting medication, such as osmotic release oral system (OROS) extended release methylphenidate HCL (OROS MPH), helps. Short-acting clonidine or melatonin in the middle of the night or bedtime mirtazapine or trazodone also may be worth a try.

When dealing with sleep, keep in mind that 50% or more of children with ADHD have a coexisting mental health disorder. Anxiety, separation anxiety, depression, and dysthymia all often affect sleep onset, night waking, and sometimes early morning waking. The child or teen may need extra reassurance or company at bedtime (siblings or pets may suffice). Reading positive stories or playing soft music may be better at setting a positive mood and sense of safety for sleep, certainly more so than social media, which should be avoided.

Keep in mind that substance use is more common in ADHD as well as with those other mental health conditions and can interfere with restful sleep and make RLS worse. Bipolar disorder can be mistaken for ADHD as it often presents with hyperactivity but also can be comorbid. Sleep problems are increased sixfold when both are present. Prolonged periods awake at night and diminished need for sleep are signs that help differentiate bipolar from ADHD. Medication management for the bipolar disorder with atypicals can reduce sleep latency and reduce REM sleep, but also causes morning fatigue. Medications to treat other mental health problems can help sleep onset (for example, anticonvulsants, atypicals), or prolong it (SSRIs), change REM states (atypicals), and even exacerbate RLS (SSRIs). You can make changes or work with the child’s mental health specialist if medications are causing significant sleep problems.

When we help improve sleep for children with ADHD, it can lessen not only ADHD symptoms but also some symptoms of other mental health disorders, improve learning and behavior, and greatly improve family quality of life!
 

Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.