Dealing with difficult people

 

Dealing with difficult people is not a new problem. As long as there are at least two people, the potential for conflict will arise. Unfortunately, the workplace or hospital is not immune from tragedies that are born out of poor conflict resolution. Before we go further, please do not ignore the fact that more than 1 million workers are assaulted each year, and more than 60% of Americans are aware of some type of abusive conduct occurring on the job.

Who are those difficult people we may encounter? Anyone and everyone. Difficult people may include our significant others, family members, supervisors, department chairs, colleagues, competitors, trainees, patients and their families, and ancillary personnel. Looking at this list, it is amazing that we aren’t either stymied by never-ending conflict resolution seminars, or rendered completely ineffective in all aspects of life. Daily conflicts can vary in intensity and degree. At one end one can be disgruntled at the person who secured the last doughnut in the break room, and at the other extreme end one is committed to moving forward with a multimillion dollar lawsuit against the company.

Conflicts arise because of a multiplicity of reasons – work style differences, background differences, attitude difference, personality types, and competitive versus cooperative differences. To be effective, each of us must realize that we are more alike than different, and it is our differences that should fuel our passion for providing excellent patient care and customer service.

In particular, be aware of things that can accelerate the potential for conflicts – performance ratings, evaluations, recommendation for promotion, absence of role models or mentors, lack of support amongst colleagues, and failures on the part of leadership to keep promises, appreciate people, maintain personal integrity, or take responsibility for their own errors.

When conflict arises – deal with it! Identify the problem, and if it is legitimate address it as soon as possible. Always remember to document the details in writing; never forget the old adage most of us learned during training: “If it’s not written/documented it wasn’t done or didn’t happen.” More than likely you won’t need to retrieve your written documents concerning a particular conflict, but if the conflict escalates, this type of documentation will prove invaluable.

 

Communicate with the person or persons with whom you have the conflict – it is essential that you have the “difficult” conversation. This conversation must be done face-to-face and in private. Never communicate by email, social media, or through gossip. Remain calm, professional, and show respect even if the other person does not. At this meeting detail the problem, but also come prepared with suggestions as to how the conflict might be resolved.

Take responsibility – you can’t control situations or people – but you can choose how you will respond to every situation. This is the appropriate time to establish boundaries; avoid any behavior that might be considered bullying or harassment. Redirect negativity that emanates from the person with whom you have the conflict as well as any potentially self-imposed negativity. Make every effort to avoid statements that include “you never” and “you always,” as there are very few absolutes in life. Consider the other person’s perspective as well; try to see it from their point of view because your “personal truth” is not the only “truth.” Our individual personal life experiences form the foundation for much of our opinions and views; therefore, it should be obvious that persons from widely varied backgrounds and cultures will differ in their approaches. If at all possible, give the person another chance; even the most difficult person has good attributes.

Once you have had the “difficult” conversation and there is still no resolution in sight you should take it to management. Everyone has a boss – even the Boss! There is much to gain from involving an impartial party or mediator. This impartial individual is able to understand the viewpoint of all parties involved and frequently that person’s solution may be considered acceptable because it is coming from someone not directly affected by the conflict.

Unresolved conflicts result in many negative effects – interference with one’s career is foremost – and that alone can be a source of undue stress. Other negative effects are the development of a hostile work environment, diminished productivity, low morale, and high employee turnover. Physicians in particular are prone to experiencing an increase in medical errors, litigation claims, and poor patient care when there are unresolved conflicts on the table.

In an ideal world, there are no difficult people; there are either no conflicts or all conflicts are resolved immediately without any lasting deleterious effects. Unfortunately, the world abounds in conflict at varying stages of resolution. As a final bit of advice, in dealing with difficult persons, do not allow conflicts to obscure your goals for successful patient care and/or customer service. Focus on why you decided to join your place of employment and realize that everyone has a role in making the team work! If you are dedicated to addressing conflicts as they arise, and utilizing the strategies outlined, you will often find that foes can truly become friends.

Dr. Cole is associate section chief, gastroenterology, and chief, GI endoscopy, Michael E. DeBakey VA Medical Center; and associate professor, internal medicine, Baylor College of Medicine, Houston.

 

Dealing with difficult people is not a new problem. As long as there are at least two people, the potential for conflict will arise. Unfortunately, the workplace or hospital is not immune from tragedies that are born out of poor conflict resolution. Before we go further, please do not ignore the fact that more than 1 million workers are assaulted each year, and more than 60% of Americans are aware of some type of abusive conduct occurring on the job.

Who are those difficult people we may encounter? Anyone and everyone. Difficult people may include our significant others, family members, supervisors, department chairs, colleagues, competitors, trainees, patients and their families, and ancillary personnel. Looking at this list, it is amazing that we aren’t either stymied by never-ending conflict resolution seminars, or rendered completely ineffective in all aspects of life. Daily conflicts can vary in intensity and degree. At one end one can be disgruntled at the person who secured the last doughnut in the break room, and at the other extreme end one is committed to moving forward with a multimillion dollar lawsuit against the company.

Conflicts arise because of a multiplicity of reasons – work style differences, background differences, attitude difference, personality types, and competitive versus cooperative differences. To be effective, each of us must realize that we are more alike than different, and it is our differences that should fuel our passion for providing excellent patient care and customer service.

In particular, be aware of things that can accelerate the potential for conflicts – performance ratings, evaluations, recommendation for promotion, absence of role models or mentors, lack of support amongst colleagues, and failures on the part of leadership to keep promises, appreciate people, maintain personal integrity, or take responsibility for their own errors.

When conflict arises – deal with it! Identify the problem, and if it is legitimate address it as soon as possible. Always remember to document the details in writing; never forget the old adage most of us learned during training: “If it’s not written/documented it wasn’t done or didn’t happen.” More than likely you won’t need to retrieve your written documents concerning a particular conflict, but if the conflict escalates, this type of documentation will prove invaluable.

 

Communicate with the person or persons with whom you have the conflict – it is essential that you have the “difficult” conversation. This conversation must be done face-to-face and in private. Never communicate by email, social media, or through gossip. Remain calm, professional, and show respect even if the other person does not. At this meeting detail the problem, but also come prepared with suggestions as to how the conflict might be resolved.

Take responsibility – you can’t control situations or people – but you can choose how you will respond to every situation. This is the appropriate time to establish boundaries; avoid any behavior that might be considered bullying or harassment. Redirect negativity that emanates from the person with whom you have the conflict as well as any potentially self-imposed negativity. Make every effort to avoid statements that include “you never” and “you always,” as there are very few absolutes in life. Consider the other person’s perspective as well; try to see it from their point of view because your “personal truth” is not the only “truth.” Our individual personal life experiences form the foundation for much of our opinions and views; therefore, it should be obvious that persons from widely varied backgrounds and cultures will differ in their approaches. If at all possible, give the person another chance; even the most difficult person has good attributes.

Once you have had the “difficult” conversation and there is still no resolution in sight you should take it to management. Everyone has a boss – even the Boss! There is much to gain from involving an impartial party or mediator. This impartial individual is able to understand the viewpoint of all parties involved and frequently that person’s solution may be considered acceptable because it is coming from someone not directly affected by the conflict.

Unresolved conflicts result in many negative effects – interference with one’s career is foremost – and that alone can be a source of undue stress. Other negative effects are the development of a hostile work environment, diminished productivity, low morale, and high employee turnover. Physicians in particular are prone to experiencing an increase in medical errors, litigation claims, and poor patient care when there are unresolved conflicts on the table.

In an ideal world, there are no difficult people; there are either no conflicts or all conflicts are resolved immediately without any lasting deleterious effects. Unfortunately, the world abounds in conflict at varying stages of resolution. As a final bit of advice, in dealing with difficult persons, do not allow conflicts to obscure your goals for successful patient care and/or customer service. Focus on why you decided to join your place of employment and realize that everyone has a role in making the team work! If you are dedicated to addressing conflicts as they arise, and utilizing the strategies outlined, you will often find that foes can truly become friends.

Dr. Cole is associate section chief, gastroenterology, and chief, GI endoscopy, Michael E. DeBakey VA Medical Center; and associate professor, internal medicine, Baylor College of Medicine, Houston.

 

Dealing with difficult people is not a new problem. As long as there are at least two people, the potential for conflict will arise. Unfortunately, the workplace or hospital is not immune from tragedies that are born out of poor conflict resolution. Before we go further, please do not ignore the fact that more than 1 million workers are assaulted each year, and more than 60% of Americans are aware of some type of abusive conduct occurring on the job.

Who are those difficult people we may encounter? Anyone and everyone. Difficult people may include our significant others, family members, supervisors, department chairs, colleagues, competitors, trainees, patients and their families, and ancillary personnel. Looking at this list, it is amazing that we aren’t either stymied by never-ending conflict resolution seminars, or rendered completely ineffective in all aspects of life. Daily conflicts can vary in intensity and degree. At one end one can be disgruntled at the person who secured the last doughnut in the break room, and at the other extreme end one is committed to moving forward with a multimillion dollar lawsuit against the company.

Conflicts arise because of a multiplicity of reasons – work style differences, background differences, attitude difference, personality types, and competitive versus cooperative differences. To be effective, each of us must realize that we are more alike than different, and it is our differences that should fuel our passion for providing excellent patient care and customer service.

In particular, be aware of things that can accelerate the potential for conflicts – performance ratings, evaluations, recommendation for promotion, absence of role models or mentors, lack of support amongst colleagues, and failures on the part of leadership to keep promises, appreciate people, maintain personal integrity, or take responsibility for their own errors.

When conflict arises – deal with it! Identify the problem, and if it is legitimate address it as soon as possible. Always remember to document the details in writing; never forget the old adage most of us learned during training: “If it’s not written/documented it wasn’t done or didn’t happen.” More than likely you won’t need to retrieve your written documents concerning a particular conflict, but if the conflict escalates, this type of documentation will prove invaluable.

 

Communicate with the person or persons with whom you have the conflict – it is essential that you have the “difficult” conversation. This conversation must be done face-to-face and in private. Never communicate by email, social media, or through gossip. Remain calm, professional, and show respect even if the other person does not. At this meeting detail the problem, but also come prepared with suggestions as to how the conflict might be resolved.

Take responsibility – you can’t control situations or people – but you can choose how you will respond to every situation. This is the appropriate time to establish boundaries; avoid any behavior that might be considered bullying or harassment. Redirect negativity that emanates from the person with whom you have the conflict as well as any potentially self-imposed negativity. Make every effort to avoid statements that include “you never” and “you always,” as there are very few absolutes in life. Consider the other person’s perspective as well; try to see it from their point of view because your “personal truth” is not the only “truth.” Our individual personal life experiences form the foundation for much of our opinions and views; therefore, it should be obvious that persons from widely varied backgrounds and cultures will differ in their approaches. If at all possible, give the person another chance; even the most difficult person has good attributes.

Once you have had the “difficult” conversation and there is still no resolution in sight you should take it to management. Everyone has a boss – even the Boss! There is much to gain from involving an impartial party or mediator. This impartial individual is able to understand the viewpoint of all parties involved and frequently that person’s solution may be considered acceptable because it is coming from someone not directly affected by the conflict.

Unresolved conflicts result in many negative effects – interference with one’s career is foremost – and that alone can be a source of undue stress. Other negative effects are the development of a hostile work environment, diminished productivity, low morale, and high employee turnover. Physicians in particular are prone to experiencing an increase in medical errors, litigation claims, and poor patient care when there are unresolved conflicts on the table.

In an ideal world, there are no difficult people; there are either no conflicts or all conflicts are resolved immediately without any lasting deleterious effects. Unfortunately, the world abounds in conflict at varying stages of resolution. As a final bit of advice, in dealing with difficult persons, do not allow conflicts to obscure your goals for successful patient care and/or customer service. Focus on why you decided to join your place of employment and realize that everyone has a role in making the team work! If you are dedicated to addressing conflicts as they arise, and utilizing the strategies outlined, you will often find that foes can truly become friends.

Dr. Cole is associate section chief, gastroenterology, and chief, GI endoscopy, Michael E. DeBakey VA Medical Center; and associate professor, internal medicine, Baylor College of Medicine, Houston.